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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable?

10 replies

optimistic47 · 28/09/2025 15:50

My husband has been sorting out his parents ashes out of London with family members. His brother and cousin came down for a few days. I was out of my house for 60 hours due to contract work/travelling so a bit whacked. I have always said to my husband that it's important to have some time with them. However by the time I got back home they were still out into the late evening only sharing time and two meals with me in five days. BIL is separated from wife and cousin has been married and divorced twice. The cousin always decides where he wants to go in London but I was off on BIL's birthday and they didn't even ask if I wanted to tag along (even if it was to meet them later when my husband was working). Went to my mum's instead. The cousin had visited before and said something rude in front of my BIL at me noting that i was upset. He later admitted in the guest room downstairs that he had winded me up. He is unemployed and pays for nothing including the bills we pay for the guest room (he was driven down in BIL's car). I don't want to be joined at the hip to my husband and he says that he won't be visiting or returning back to Scotland as they drive him nuts but I am upset by being sidelined when I am around in the evening.

OP posts:
InMyHealthyEra · 28/09/2025 15:53

The roughly half of that which made sense makes me think YABU.

TheRealGoose · 28/09/2025 15:54

It’s hard to understand this to be honest, but from what I am seeing you were out most of the time, one night you came home and they were all out second night your husband was working so they went out on their own, and you’re upset as what, you expected them to be in for you and invite you out with just the two of them`?

murasaki · 28/09/2025 15:54

It's his family's grief to deal with, let it go. The cousin sounds an arse, but it's not your business if he got a lift. And I don't really understand re paying for the guest room, is it in your house and you were going to charge him?

I'd just let this slide, they weren't here to spend time with you.

TheRealGoose · 28/09/2025 15:55

Yeah what do you mean you pay for the guest room, what guest room, surely you don’t mean the spare room in your own home?

Merryoldgoat · 28/09/2025 15:55

What? I feel like I’m having a stroke trying to read that.

Jellybunny56 · 28/09/2025 15:56

From the very little that makes sense, yes you’re being unreasonable.

SunshineAndFizz · 28/09/2025 15:57

I struggled to follow all of this.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/09/2025 15:58

I think it's an emotive time and probably reasonable for the family group to spend time together.

Surely they aren't staying a long time? You can catch up with your dh when they go.

SunshineAndFizz · 28/09/2025 15:59

So you’re annoyed your husband spends time with annoying family and don’t include you?

HedwigEliza · 28/09/2025 16:00

I didn’t understand most of that, but from the bit that I did I think YABVU. Paying for a guest room?

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