Passing on baby gear

[nosleepforme]

Okay I genuinely don’t get it!!! i never heard of this idea until mn. Can someone take a minute to explain? Here’s how I understand it.

if I own stuff, be it clothes, or a crib or pram. Or my jewellery (yes not related, but just as a contrasting example).
i had to buy it, it’s mine.
No one was expected to give stuff to me. On my side mine were the first grandkids.

in my circles, we don’t gift second hand stuff, it’s considered really cheap, socially off and rude. If you want to give stuff away, you’d ask “hey I have some stuff, would you appreciate it?” Normally that’s only from a sibling, but you’d still ask if it’s okay to give it. Gifts are normally new! Like any other type of gift.

anyway, my question is not whether or not people should gift. Everyone does what’s considered the norm in their circles/culture.
my question is… why do ppl expect or feel entitled to stuff?!

Example:
sister 1 is the first to have a baby. She buys everything. Its expensive. It’s her own stuff. great! All sounds good.
sister 2 has a baby and just expects to take everything from sister 1? Why?? What if sister 1 doesn’t want to give stuff away, or what if she wants to have more kids? She should buy stuff twice? If sister 1 had to buy stuff, why shouldn’t sisters 2 & 3? I get if sister 1 says “hey my pram is newish and I don’t need it, if you want.” But what if she didn’t offer?

Again, I’m just trying to understand. I get if it was offered. I just don’t understand why people are relying on it or expecting it and asking for it - it’s not theirs to expect!

Its rude to feel entitled to anyone else's property, baby related or not. I certainly never have! If anyone tried to ask for my stuff and I didn't want to gift it I'd just say no sorry, I've already agreed to lend that to someone else.

If anything we've had the opposite problem, DH and I had our babies later on and the sheer VOLUME of second hand baby gear that people have given to us has gone from being very much appreciated to annoying. One relative shows up regularly with bin liners of pink girls clothes despite the fact we had a boy and had said thank you but we didn't need anymore gear right now. Someone else brought round a totally out of date car seat. Someone else brought 3 separate baby bouncers and someone else brought a load of really big bulky toys that we had nowhere to keep. They never offered in advance, they would just arrive with it all piled up in the car.

After having to do several charity shop and tip runs with other people's belongings, I now don't accept any hand me downs anymore and just say no thank you, we don't need more things right now, and send them away with it again.

My idea of a disaster is going through people’s old used stuff cos they can’t be bothered. Out of date car seats etc is rubbish. Don’t give me rubbish to sort out, rubbish is for the bin

I think the reason baby stuff is different to eg your jewellery is that it’s often big/bulky, you need lots of it and for a very short time, and it’s unique to having a baby. And, you have to buy it at the time in your life you’re about to take a chunk of time off work in lower pay.

I’ve had 3 different types of bed for my baby over the last 18 months. I know I will have no need for them once he stops using them (unlike my jewellery, which even if not fashionable right now, I may want in the future), and they take up vast amounts of space. I’m very happy to give them away free of charge, not as a gift but to help another new mum out. Especially as they were all given to me free of charge!

To answer your question, no one should feel entitled to other people’s stuff. However, frequently people who are done having kids are desperate to offload their stuff, and if someone spends time with a lot of people who are like ‘great, you can take my old pram!’ And ‘oh I’ve got a crib and a change table you can have!’ Then maybe they assume everyone is keen to get rid of their stuff? Maybe?? I don’t know. It’s perfectly fine NOT to give stuff away though, or to just lend it, or say no, especially if you are planning another baby.

Love the way you phrased this. I agree with all your points.

my question is really why people think they should have it or ask for it. So if you were my friend and offered me a crib, I’d think that’s big and expensive and thoughtful. But I’d find it weird amd rude if I asked you if you could come drop off a crib, or if I asked you for your baby’s whole wardrobe.