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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go or not to go? 🫨🤔

9 replies

Chunkyplum · 28/09/2025 14:11

My husband doesn’t like his niece - I’m not going to go into the ins and outs of the entire family history but there’s some tension between family members and even though his niece has technically no involvement, I think he’s transferred some of his anger towards her parents onto her for some reason. Anyway, I get on really well with his niece and she’s expecting a baby and I’ve been talking to her, encouraging her and advising her as it’s her first child and her parents live abroad so she really needs support and is basically googling everything as she really doesn’t have a clue. I told her I wanted to visit her (she lives in another city, easily reachable) but I’m not sure how it’s going to go down with my husband. He doesn’t like it when I talk to her and even said he doesn’t want me to talk to her when he’s around😳 and he made it clear he doesn’t want any involvement with her or for me to see her. He knows how I feel about it and I told him not to drag me into his pointless, baseless feud, he’s entitled to feel however he wants but I’m not getting involved! So I’m thinking of visiting her soon but at the same time I don’t want to make it a secret - I’m not doing anything wrong but why does it feel like I am? If I do visit her, he’ll end up finding out anyway and he’s super close with his sister (niece’s mum) and she’d end up telling him when they have their little chinwags). I don’t want him to start a problem with me because I’m literally doing nothing wrong!!! Arrrrrghhhh

OP posts:
Livelaughlurgy · 28/09/2025 14:15

Hang on- what's the issue with the niece? He's allowed have a relationship with his sister, but you can't have a relationship with his niece because he's mad at her because of her parents- ie his sister who he has the chin wagging relationship? I've either picked it up wrong or he's a hypocrite.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2025 14:16

Why do you feel the need to have a relationship with her when he doesn't?

Sleep10 · 28/09/2025 14:16

I would tell him that you're meeting up but I'd go about my business as I wanted.
He has no right to stop you and he can't accuse you of keeping it a secret if you tell him.
She'll lucky to have you, I know how difficult it can be in this situation so i feel for you having to navigate through it.

5128gap · 28/09/2025 14:17

You feel bad because you see the young woman as 'his' and your relationship with her an extension of his with her. It might help to just think of her as a friend of yours. You should tell him you're visiting and tell him it's not any of his business as your friendship is outside of his relationship with her.

Chunkyplum · 28/09/2025 14:17

Livelaughlurgy · 28/09/2025 14:15

Hang on- what's the issue with the niece? He's allowed have a relationship with his sister, but you can't have a relationship with his niece because he's mad at her because of her parents- ie his sister who he has the chin wagging relationship? I've either picked it up wrong or he's a hypocrite.

Yes it’s super complicated but basically he’s got some underlying issues/tension with his brother-in-law (niece’s dad) and I really don’t understand why? It even confuses me to this day. I don’t understand why I have to have an issue with whoever he has an issue with.

OP posts:
Chunkyplum · 28/09/2025 14:19

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2025 14:16

Why do you feel the need to have a relationship with her when he doesn't?

Well, it’s not about feeling the need, I’ve always been friendly with her, why should I stop just because he’s stopped? It’s not kind.

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 28/09/2025 14:24

Oh dear, this is really bizarre. What does her mother, his sister, have to say about his dislike of her daughter? What's going on in that family?

You can visit and help who you like, but DH doesn't have to like it, so you risk a possible fallout where he's concerned.

CynicalSunni · 28/09/2025 14:30

Is his sister allowed a relationship with his niece?
I know she is the mother but if he is not bothered by his sister why should he be bothered with you seeing her?

I would just say youre visiting her as it will come out anyway. If he starts moaning just say your not involved in his quarrels and grey rock.

Chunkyplum · 28/09/2025 14:33

Itiswhysofew · 28/09/2025 14:24

Oh dear, this is really bizarre. What does her mother, his sister, have to say about his dislike of her daughter? What's going on in that family?

You can visit and help who you like, but DH doesn't have to like it, so you risk a possible fallout where he's concerned.

Well, I don’t really know her stance on it. I think she is aware but yeah, no clue what she’s thinking. It is very bizarre indeed.

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