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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she have interfered?

33 replies

JEMISMYNAME · 28/09/2025 13:55

Just looking for some opinions. I have been on holiday abroad for a few days with my family. My youngest child is 9 and enjoys cooking and baking etc.. he is more than capable of using sharp knives and utensils and I have no worries about this. I am actively encouraging my children to be able to do things for themselves and act in accordance with their own wishes and capabilities.

At the hotel restaurant he was getting himself some bread rolls and using the bread knife to slice them. He can do this perfectly safely and does not need any assistance or I would have been there to do it for him. A stranger approached him, literally took the food from him and then sliced the rolls for him, despite him and his sister telling her that they did not need help. He was really upset due to the fact a stranger thought she knew better than him and touched his food. The food was then wasted as we don't know the persons hygiene so they wouldn't be eaten. I did approach her and pointed out that I was sure that she thought she was doing the right thing in "assisting" my son however not to do so as he was more than capable and if he wasn't I would have been helping him, she seemed convinced that he was going to slice his wrist open, he's never had an accident during cooking (he's been doing this for several years) and that "he shouldn't be doing this in front of everyone". It was so bizarre and was just wondering how you would have reacted?

The end result is she was pissed off that I told her that he was my child and I would be responsible for him and to stay away from him. It was all very odd.

This hasn't impacted on my holiday but it was just so strange I wondered what others thought.

OP posts:
Kingoftheroad · 28/09/2025 14:13

Oh for goodness sake she was worried about your child’s safety. How was she to know that he could safely use a knife. Imagine if the knife had slipped and caused a bad accident and she’s stood back and watched you’d be up in arms about that. Get a grip

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/09/2025 14:16

She was worried and tried to do a nice thing. YABU

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/09/2025 14:19

Kingoftheroad · 28/09/2025 14:13

Oh for goodness sake she was worried about your child’s safety. How was she to know that he could safely use a knife. Imagine if the knife had slipped and caused a bad accident and she’s stood back and watched you’d be up in arms about that. Get a grip

What on earth? How would you like it if a stranger touched your food without asking? She could have asked if he was ok. That would have been more appropriate xxx

RomainingCalm · 28/09/2025 14:23

A similar thing happened to me. I’d taken DD to the local shop and she wanted to go in on her own and get the bread/mik or whatever it was we needed (only a couple of things). She was 10 years old and very capable so I gave her the money and off she went.

I sat in the car watching the doors of the shop. Two minutes later our neighbour came out holding DD by the hand saying ‘look who I found in the shop on her own’.

DD was embarrassed and despite telling our neighbour that I knew she was in there and was watching the door she wasn’t having any of it.

I think, OP, you just have to put it down to experience and forget it. It’ll make an amusing ‘remember when…’ story at some point.

Goditsmemargaret · 28/09/2025 14:26

Jesus Christ. I'd have walked him back up when she disappeared and got more. I can't believe you went over and gave her a telling off.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 28/09/2025 14:27

She shouldn’t have just stepped in like that especially as it involved touching his food directly. The most she should’ve done was offered her help. That being said I think this is one of those occasions where you have to accept her intentions were good, even if her actions were a bit misguided.

LegoPicnic · 28/09/2025 14:30

YANBU. You don’t just go around taking over with other people’s children when they’ve said they don’t need help. And at 9 they are definitely old enough to make their own decision about whether help from a stranger is needed; it’s not like removing a knife that a toddler has managed to get hold of and is waving around.

LizzyEm · 28/09/2025 15:59

Goditsmemargaret · 28/09/2025 14:26

Jesus Christ. I'd have walked him back up when she disappeared and got more. I can't believe you went over and gave her a telling off.

Why?

The woman didn't feel any embarrassment at interfering and inserting herself where SHE wasn't wanted.

Mammyloveswine · 28/09/2025 17:27

Oh, I can’t stand when people try and parent my children, they do not belong to you. They are none of your business so please fuck off. I’ve been fuming like you, not that you’re letting a toddler loose with a knife! The absolute fucking audacity of some people! Also, I’m a teacher, and a safeguarding lead in my school this is not a concern

BitterSweetBirthday · 28/09/2025 17:32

She was well intentioned, your reaction is rather OTT.
I support independent skills with my kids but in a public setting I would have been alongside to supervise rather than letting the dc go off on their own.

RightOnTheEdge · 28/09/2025 17:32

YANBU she was rude to touch his food and interfere.
9 yr olds are not babies.

BauhausOfEliott · 28/09/2025 17:39

Going over and telling her off was a bit much, but it was pushy and intrusive of her to interfere. Yeah, step in if you see a toddler playing with a knife or something while their parents’ backs are turned, but a nine-year-old cutting a piece of bread at a buffet? She needs to stop being so flappy and stressy. Of course a nine-year-old can slice a roll in half ffs.

TalulahJP · 28/09/2025 18:07

she tried to do a nice thing.

All you had to do was say “thanks for caring, my children have been taught how to use knives safely so it’s all fine and Im watching from a distance thank you. Have a lovely holiday”

then once she left dispose of the handled bread and let the kids cut more.

why are you so angry and stressed you felt the need to tear a strip off a nice woman who tried to help. Maybe you need to post about what’s going on in your life and get it off your chest? Maybe MN can help? Life can suck at times.

MyLimeGuide · 28/09/2025 18:12

She sounds like an annoying do gooder!!

itsgettingweird · 28/09/2025 18:22

Surely I’d she was trying to do the right thing she would have asked the child if they needed or wanted help and listened to the answer.

She didn’t “help”. She interfered where it was neither wanted or needed.

JLou08 · 28/09/2025 18:29

Not all parents supervise their children well, a concerned person did what they thought was best. It's not really worth thinking about again is it? It's just a bit of bread.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 28/09/2025 21:44

YANBU at all. She shouldn't have interfered with your child. She could have asked him where his mum was to help him, not touched him or his food. She's lucky he wasn't an autistic child who would go into full meltdown over this.

bert3400 · 28/09/2025 21:49

YANBU ...she should have minded her own business and well done for pulling her up on it. Why do people feel the need to interfere in your parenting, like they know best and you his mother knows nothing.... And touching his food is disgusting. I would have been fuming

Original poster
JEMISMYNAME · 28/09/2025 23:11

Thanks for the replies, very mixed. To those that think I "tore a strip off her" was OTT" "pulled her up" or went in "all guns blazing", I didn't. I am not going to lose my shit over a piece of bread, that mentality is bizarre. The reason that I calmy approached her and did not shout or be loud or angry is because I need my children to know I have their back no matter how big or small the situation is and that they are always my priority. This person had no issue approaching my son so I am not sure why some of you think I would be unreasonable in approaching her to speak to her. The husband looked mortified as if was used to it. The issue I had was, after being told that he was fine, she still took over, didn't listen to him, handled his food, caused him to be upset and then walk off thinking she had helped. Baffling. Appreciate the viewpoints.

OP posts:
tragichero · 28/09/2025 23:40

I am torn on this one as I understand your annoyance - I too would have felt judged in this situation, and annoyed that my son was embarrassed like this.

And it's odd she thinks a child of 9 can't cut bread safely - is he quite young looking/small for his age? Could she reasonably have mistaken him for a younger child.

On the other hand, I firmly DON'T believe that a parent's decisions regarding their child are always sacrosanct, or that we should never step in if we believe a child to be endangered by a parents' negligence. I risked disappropobium once by moving a child away from the fire at a bonfire event in my village. The parents seemed distracted to me and it looked like an accident waiting to happen. I'd rather a pissed off parent than watch a child seriously injure themselves. Parents are fallible like everyone else and can miss things or get things wrong.

Not worth stressing over, and I guess you will never know her reasons - perhaps she has reason to be especially stressed about kids and knives. I'd probably pity her more than anything, as it seems plausible some accident may have occured in her past to make her excessively vigilant on this issue ....

(Or she is just interfering and a bit mad. But as you will never know, might as well make the most compassionate reading of the situation you can).

RawBloomers · 28/09/2025 23:52

She massively over stepped. Being concerned and forcing your preferred way of doing things over the protests of the child and without their parents’ blessing are not one and the same when there isn’t significant and obvious danger.

but it’s done. You’ve told her clearly that it was inappropriate, unnecessary and unwanted. Sounds like you aren’t dwelling on it, which is as it should be. Just one of the many blips in life that we all have to ride over.

Pryceosh1987 · 29/09/2025 00:45

Strange. I havent seen this happen every often. I would of said he can do it himself. Its not good to let other people who are not chefs and strangers touch our food.

Fascinate · 29/09/2025 18:50

I don't understand how people can say "she was doing a nice thing". She is a complete stranger to your child, inserted herself into the family's personal space and, I agree, you have no idea about her hygiene or morals. I'd have told her to, not so politely, fuck ofI the minute she started.

Main character syndrome?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 29/09/2025 20:09

YABU for not being close by enough to intervene at the time and say he was OK.

LegoPicnic · 29/09/2025 21:03

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 29/09/2025 20:09

YABU for not being close by enough to intervene at the time and say he was OK.

Parents really don’t need to be within arms length of a child that age all the time.

It’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to just be left to get on with what they’re doing - they weren’t doing anything wrong, or dangerous, and a random adult should no more try to “help” than they would help another adult who didn’t ask for assistance.