How do I get rid of my Ex

[Lucy2586]

I split up with my ex 10 years ago when my daughter was 2. Since then he has done everything possible to undermine me and critise my parenting.

About 2 years ago it became apparent that dd is on the spectrum, masking at school, sometimes refusing and huge meltdown when overwhelmed. He has blamed my parenting, saying she isn’t she is just naughty and im to blame. Low and behold high school are trying for an urgent referral she is very intelligent and works great but struggles in other areas and goes to student support in breaks etc.

i have always put her first, never brought a man into her life yet he moved on instantly and had another child and their relationship is toxic to the point my dd won’t stay over.

She is 12 now and I have been dealing with CYPS etc doing everything to get her support but he still won’t leave with alone. He withholds child support so I have to keep going to CMS, he just adds so much stress that I do not need I just want to focus on my child. He says awful things so I block him but he insists we need contact. He can’t contact my daughter himself but when he does asks what I am doing then has a go at me if I pop out to get things. Shes 12! He doesn’t say anything by text so no evidence of bullying and coercive control. Has anyone had an awful ex that won’t just piss off. He has another family so why is he hell bent on dictating my life. How do I get rid, it’s easy for people to say ignore him but he gets me down.

I believe there's an app that MNers recommend for communication about DD. So write to him and tell him that from now on all communication will happen on the app. Block him on all other forms.

Does he have contact with DD? Is it court ordered?

You ask cms for collection and pay.
Block him on everything except 1 email address, do not engage in any conversation with him except by email and then only about your dd not your parenting.
If he continues to try to obstruct her medical assessment then go back to crt over it.
You can't "get rid of him" as hes her father and she has a right to see him if that's what she wants and she's at an age where a judge will take what she wants into account and not what you want.

Go through CMS permanently.

Insist on communicating through a parenting app only, and only about matters pertinent to DD's care.

Tell your DD that she is not his messenger. Do you think she'll want to keep seeing him? Is there a formal arrangement?

Go through the CMS with the max involvement from them - it costs a little bit, but it sounds like it would be worth it.

And you don't need to take calls from him. You don't need to respond to random emails from him. Just use an app, or set up a calendar and only respond to emails about your daughter, and even then, keep it very brief and to the point - don't explain or excuse, just inform.

I split from my children's dad 5 years ago. I have exchanged 10 words with him in the past 4 years, and not much more in email. He just books the days he wants to see the kids in a calendar and I accept or deny. Theres no need to engage further than you have to to arrange contact.

Email address contact only and keep all emails. Only relevant contact, when he starts sniffing around asking what you're doing, ignore him. Grey rock. If he keeps withholding child support, go through CMS.

No court order as we agreed to the same 2 nights for years, now as she is older she doesn’t always want to stay esp when there’s an atmosphere as his relationship seems to be breaking down.

No court order in place too late for that now as she decides. She usually goes to eat with him twice a week.

I never stop her that’s her call to make. I want to get him out of my life and business. I am well and truly done with trying to reason with unreasonable.

she sees him but even she is fed up of him trying to force his views on her so not sure for how much longer.

Should have done that years ago but I was so beaten down when I left i just went along with things.

not too late to let CMS deal with it now. if you continue to engage with him you are just giving him the opportunity to abuse you further.

I agree, I did the right thing I left an abusive man how dare he still try to abuse me now. He is not getting access to me with his vile behaviour.