About 7yo DD haircut

Fancyflorist · 2025-09-28T05:38:55+00:00

My 7 year old DD is devastated with the haircut I gave her last night. She had long mid-back length hair, I've removed 2inches so now whilst it's still well below her shoulders it is shorter. I told her how much I was taking off before I cut it. She rarely has her hair trimmed because in honesty she's such hard work about it, but I didn't expect this reaction. She was beside herself all bedtime, then woke us up sobbing in bed at 1am, and again just now at 6am. I'm struggling to know what to say/do. I obviously can't fix it right now. It did need a good trim but honestly I've taken a bit more off than I intended. I can't explain how that happened it just did 🤦♀️ she can still do all hair styles, she still has long hair!! But clearly not long enough in her opinion. So my AIBU is was I unreasonable to cut it. And also, what do I do from here? I don't want to dismiss her feelings but equally being woken up twice overnight because of this feels extreme. I've said sorry she feels I took too much off, explained about healthy ends, emphasised her hair is still long, etc. In honesty I do feel awful though and I'm not used to not being able to immediately "fix" something.

McSpoot · 28/09/2025 06:42

I don’t understand when you say that you told her ahead of time how much you were going to cut but also that you took more than you intended. Seems like you told her one thing and did (somehow) a different thing.

Readyforslippers · 28/09/2025 06:42

I always tell dd it will actually make it grow back quicker and look healthier. I wouldn't let her dwell on it too much though as it will become a bigger deal.

Mama1980 · 28/09/2025 06:42

maybe Spend some time today styling it? Exploring new ways she can wear it?
or maybe go out for the day, on a long autumn walk - something to distract her?

Original poster

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 06:45

McSpoot · 28/09/2025 06:42

I don’t understand when you say that you told her ahead of time how much you were going to cut but also that you took more than you intended. Seems like you told her one thing and did (somehow) a different thing.

Yes sorry I meant I took off more than what I had planned to before I started. I thought it would be the usual minimal (cm or two) trim but when I looked I thought it needed more, so told her and did it. Didn't really stop to think, so in that sense it was more than I intended.

OP posts:

Radiatorbings · 28/09/2025 06:46

Wake me up twice over a standard hair cut? I would dismiss those feelings. I would dismiss them loudly. Tell her it looks fine and to get on with some 7 year old things like drawing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2025 06:54

My dd was like that and I am/ was a fixer. Because you don’t want to see your child in distress. And my dd got distressed about a lot of stuff.

The biggest gift to give in hindsight to your child is to roll with the resistance and anxiety rather than fix, which feeds it. It’s ok to not have perfection in your dd’s life. It’s ok to not be perfect. That is the greatest gift you can give your child. Talking to her. I would give her lots of hugs and breeze it out as your dd is looking to you for your reaction to not being perfect. You’re beating yourself up about something, which actually in 6 months time will be irrelevant.

My dd is now 17. She has turned the perfection into a whole new level and I’m working on it. I thought that my giving her the love and care would eventually give her chance to provide it to herself. It didn’t work that way for my dd at least. Turns out she’s probably very high masking autistic but as of yet it’s too soon to persuade her to take her assessment.

I would work on your dd’s resilience. And use distraction. ‘Yes darling, I know you’re really sad about your hair. It is still very lovely. Shall we play a game or go to the cinema, what do you think?’

TwoShades1 · 28/09/2025 06:54

I would question if she wanted the haircut to begin with? She was presumably happy with her hair previously and it doesn’t sound like you have really cut enough to make a drastic difference with washing/brushing/styling, which I could understand if a large cut and restyle was needed to make her hair more manageable.

QuirkyHorse · 28/09/2025 06:56

Are you a hairdresser?
If not, take her to a hairdresser so you won't be the bad guy when it goes wrong again.

GaspingGekko · 28/09/2025 07:02

Honestly, at this point I would be telling my DC to move on. Don't let her wallow in this, you've given her sympathy and apologised. Now tell her that her reaction is extreme for something that wil grow back and she has to stop.
Help her learn resilience, by putting this into perspective, not feeding drama over something which in the end will fix itself.

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:06

It feels like you need to decide your philosophical approach to parenting. There are two choices, the 'this us what we do' camp and the 'it's your hair' camp.

You don't seem to have picked a side.

Also this I took off more than what I had planned to before I started. I thought it would be the usual minimal (cm or two) trim but when I looked I thought it needed more, so told her and did it. Didn't really stop to think, so in that sense it was more than I intended. is very unhelpful, just take a good look a couple of days before the cut, decide what you're either a) doing and then tell her or b) suggesting then discuss with her, so she isn't bounced. No adult would be happy to go to the hairdresser and them change the plan without discussion.

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:11

GaspingGekko · 28/09/2025 07:02

Honestly, at this point I would be telling my DC to move on. Don't let her wallow in this, you've given her sympathy and apologised. Now tell her that her reaction is extreme for something that wil grow back and she has to stop.
Help her learn resilience, by putting this into perspective, not feeding drama over something which in the end will fix itself.

You don't actually build resilience by shutting kids down, you build resilience by helping them to work through things themselves.

So to build resilience, you'd ask someone what they're upset about, what they want to do next time and how they want to deal with things now. Then they learn they themselves can deal with stuff. Kid stuff is obviously small in the scheme of things, because kids are sheltered by good parents. The scale of things they deal with grows as they grow so that by adult age they feel they could deal with big choices and disappointments.

Original poster

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 07:17

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:06

It feels like you need to decide your philosophical approach to parenting. There are two choices, the 'this us what we do' camp and the 'it's your hair' camp.

You don't seem to have picked a side.

Also this I took off more than what I had planned to before I started. I thought it would be the usual minimal (cm or two) trim but when I looked I thought it needed more, so told her and did it. Didn't really stop to think, so in that sense it was more than I intended. is very unhelpful, just take a good look a couple of days before the cut, decide what you're either a) doing and then tell her or b) suggesting then discuss with her, so she isn't bounced. No adult would be happy to go to the hairdresser and them change the plan without discussion.

You are right, of course. I've definitely ballsed up here. Too much on my mind, not enough consideration etc. This is a helpful post thank you. My instinct is always to acknowledge feelings but also I feel like there comes a point where you need to get on with things. That's the balance I'm trying to strike here.

These are helpful replies, thank you.

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user1492757084 · 28/09/2025 07:19

Hair needs to be trimmed to cut off split ends etc. And remind DD that hair grows back quickly. Dismiss her reaction and move her onto thinking about something more important. Looking clean, healthy and nice enough is the aim. Why is your daughter so fixated on her looks at her tender age? That would be my main concern.

CurlewKate · 28/09/2025 07:24

Are you a hairdresser?

Original poster

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 07:29

CurlewKate · 28/09/2025 07:24

Are you a hairdresser?

No I'm not, I'm far from it - my hairdresser would never mess up like this!! I'd love to take her to the hairdresser but she's always wanted me to do it. After this experience though I'm going to insist on hairdresser next time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 07:31

user1492757084 · 28/09/2025 07:19

Hair needs to be trimmed to cut off split ends etc. And remind DD that hair grows back quickly. Dismiss her reaction and move her onto thinking about something more important. Looking clean, healthy and nice enough is the aim. Why is your daughter so fixated on her looks at her tender age? That would be my main concern.

Yes and this is a concern, rightly so. She's a pretty innocent 7yo, very little interest in how she looks other than in respect of her hair. I can't quite put my finger on why, other than perhaps there are lots of friends at school with nice long hair

OP posts:

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:36

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 07:29

No I'm not, I'm far from it - my hairdresser would never mess up like this!! I'd love to take her to the hairdresser but she's always wanted me to do it. After this experience though I'm going to insist on hairdresser next time.

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Or, just do what you usually do but slower, as a hairdresser would - I'm going to cut this much off, are you happy with that?

Don't be afraid of her finding it tricky, it's only by getting it cut and watching it regrow that she'll get used to it.

You seem afraid of her being upset, but being upset is part of life - if it isn't her hair, it'll just be something else. It's just about helping her deal with it.

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:38

Fancyflorist · 28/09/2025 07:31

Yes and this is a concern, rightly so. She's a pretty innocent 7yo, very little interest in how she looks other than in respect of her hair. I can't quite put my finger on why, other than perhaps there are lots of friends at school with nice long hair

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It's usually about loss and learning to deal with the fact that not everything can be magically undone. Age 7 is when they start realising things are real.

Radiatorbings · 28/09/2025 07:40

verycloakanddaggers · 28/09/2025 07:11

You don't actually build resilience by shutting kids down, you build resilience by helping them to work through things themselves.

So to build resilience, you'd ask someone what they're upset about, what they want to do next time and how they want to deal with things now. Then they learn they themselves can deal with stuff. Kid stuff is obviously small in the scheme of things, because kids are sheltered by good parents. The scale of things they deal with grows as they grow so that by adult age they feel they could deal with big choices and disappointments.

Show quote history

It's not resilience you need to build here though, it's accurate appraisal of the situation. And as an adult you can certainly provide a barometer for them about what they should be finding stressful and what they actually shouldn't be. This situation, a slightly shorter haircut than anticipated, is no big deal and she needs to learn that. Otherwise every single tiny situation gets a full blown stress reaction that then needs to be dealt with.

Goatinthegarden · 28/09/2025 07:55

She may also be picking up on your feelings of ‘I didn’t do what I intended’. If you show her that you feel guilty, unsure about the cut, she’s going to feel very unsettled. Children feel insecure when they can sense adults are unsure about their actions. If you show you are confident with what you have done (your hair looks better, is healthier, will grow stronger, etc.) she will feel more secure and will accept it better.

FairKoala · 16/12/2025 14:05

user1492757084 · 28/09/2025 07:19

Hair needs to be trimmed to cut off split ends etc. And remind DD that hair grows back quickly. Dismiss her reaction and move her onto thinking about something more important. Looking clean, healthy and nice enough is the aim. Why is your daughter so fixated on her looks at her tender age? That would be my main concern.

Hair doesn’t need to be cut at all

If you really think it should be cut because of split ends then cut a cm or 2 then return to it the next week/fortnight/month and cut another couple of cms

I used to hate how people would tell me in a few weeks my hair would grow back.

I haven’t taken the scissors to my hair in years (2021) and it has grown around 12” in that time. Now around waist length. It has always been super slow growing.