To think my DH is a tosser

[Bitofacold]

DS has a sports game tomorrow morning and he has been feeling under the weather this weekend. He has said he doesn’t think he will be well enough to play his game.

DH thinks DS is not ill and trying to skive off his game which will ultimately let down the team. He thinks DS is trying to drop all his hobbies because he wants to stay at home and play on his phone. He is reluctant, therefore, to let him miss the game.

I said to DH that if he says he is unwell tomorrow, will he make him play. Dh said no but he won’t be taking him to any more games.

AIBU to think DH lacks empathy and is being a bully. Or am I being ‘wet’ as DH suggested?

How old is your son

14

I think you’re only being wet in the sense that you asked your husband if he’ll make him play if he’s unwell. Just tell him that if your son says he’s unwell, only he gets to decide if he plays.

How old is your ds? How unwell...temperature, vomitting?

I sometimes think you have to encourage a child to play if they are part of a team, especially if they are just feeling a bit off. I did this with one of mine who was in a team and later as a young adult he thanked me because he has developed resilience.

I said this to bring him to his senses as in he would be making him play against his wishes. It did not work

Have you taken his temperature?

Asked him what the symptoms are?

He has no fever and no sickness, just coldy

No fever, got a sniffle from

Is DS generally a keen and enthusiastic player, or do you get the sense he doesn’t enjoy it anymore and would quite like to stop playing? At that age, lots of kids do start to lose interest in sports they’ve previously enjoyed.

Good luck forcing a 14 year old to play a game he doesn't want to..

He's 14 with just a cold .. sounds like your DH has got the measure of him really! 😀

What does “feeling under the weather” mean?

Unless they had a really obvious cold or illness, both my boys went to their weekend matches. It’s not fair on the rest of the team to not turn up. Better to make an effort and simply tell the manager that they’re not at their best and would prefer to be subbed off if possible. Teaches them the importance of following through on a commitment.

I'm not voting. But your husband might be right. He doesn't sound that ill. But he does sound like he is teeing it up to be unwell tomorrow and miss the game. And that would be letting the team down. If he doesn't want to do it anymore then that's a different conversation.

I can see where your DH is coming from. If my DC had committed to a team I'd be encouraging them not to let the team down for a sniffle. As your DH has said DS is trying to drop all his hobbies to play on his phone I'd guess this isn't the first time its happened and your DS is spending a lot of time on his phone.

He tried hard but I think he is only doing it because he feels he has to. Ie because his dad wants him too.
i think he is feeling under pressure and performance under scrutiny every week. He used to get told off in the car if he played badly. DH does not want him to drop his sport as he is good player and the team need him.
I do not like how DS has not got any choice, and DS threatening not to take him again because he says he is feeling ill for this weekend

I've had three boys. At this age with so much growth going on, not enough sleep, their immune system used to go kaput sometimes. A cold was enough to floor them. I kept metatone in the cupboard or vitamins. They weren't the most sensible of eaters.

I'd take the phone away so they'd get a good night's sleep.

It's so hard to weigh up. Just see how he is in the morning

Sorry but your DH is right. Why should your DH give up his weekends travelling and standing around in the cold at a football/ rugby pitch when your son clearly can't be bothered? I bet it's not free either, travel costs and subs add up.

Can you take him tomorrow? Sit in the clubhouse or car, read a book. You won't have a scooby how well he's played so no pressure.

I'd be bollicking my husband critical or not he's not the coach

Men like her DH are a pain in the ass taking on the role of coach. I used to cringe on the sidelines when they started their amateur bullshit

You're not being wet. I've got a cold,no fever . I feel awful. The last thing I'd want to do is run around in a cold field ... Kids need to listen to their bodies just as we tell adults to do.

Tel him “fine, if he doesn’t go tomorrow cos he feels like crap, I’ll take him from now on”. I’m sure his dad would hate you doing that..

Yep, seems standard here that 98% of women who post here think their husbands are a “tosser” or worse equivalent. Instead of asking themselves why they married such “tossers”, they stay posting questions on Mumsnet.

You all need to have a discussion with your son to determine if he is really ill or just doesn't want to play.

I agree with you husband to a certain extent, with team sports you have to commit, and kids often look for excuses not to play, so depends if he is really unwell enough not to play, if he's not enjoying it I think you need to give him the option to give up, no point putting so much time and effort into something if they don't enjoy.

Our children have often pulled the same thing where you know they are fine, and once there are fine and enjoy.

Well this is the problem. Your husband is a bully. If he quits football, it's your husband's fault.

Your husband sounds like a total over involved bell end. Near me they had to ban parents from the sidelines. Maybe DH should stop participating and give DS a choice. At 14 he's old enough to pick his hobbies,