AIBU to make my son keep learning Spanish after GCSE?

[SassyBear2]

My son, DS16, did really well in his GCSEs this year, achieving 10 grade 9s, including Spanish. He’s now doing Chemistry, Biology, and Maths at A-level. During GCSEs, we arranged for him to speak with a native Spanish speaker for an hour each week. She doesn’t speak any English, so he has to speak Spanish the whole time. The sessions aren’t formal lessons, just a conversation to keep his skills alive.

Now that he’s completed his Spanish GCSE, he wants to stop these sessions. He says he can’t be bothered to continue learning Spanish and believes he won’t use it in the future since he already speaks English. I understand I can’t force him, but as a parent, I feel responsible for guiding him. AIBU to encourage him to continue? Is Spanish a useful skill for him, even if he doesn’t see an immediate need for it?

I have a degree in French and Spanish and I haven't used it since graduation. If he's going down a sciencey path he won't need it.

It sounds like you’ve already encouraged him and made the offer to continue, I don’t think you should do more than that. He’s 16 and sounds like he’s doing really well. A-levels can be hard work and if he wants to focus on those I think that’s fine.

To answer your other question, I think being fluent in another language is always a great thing but you can’t force it and he can pick it back up later if he wishes.

I can see why you want him to continue and I’m sure it would benefit him in the future but you can’t force him.

Would he be willing to speak to them for 30 mins each week instead? If not I’d make sure he was aware of any benefits but ultimately it’s his decision.

You’re not being unreasonable to suggest it, or I guess ‘encourage’ it (assuming that’s not just a short way of saying that you’re going on and on about it) but you would be unreasonable to try to force him to continue when he doesn’t really want to at his age - it would probably be counter-productive.

Good luck making a child of 16 plus do anything they don't want to do

Give the kid a break, he's doing A'Levels and 2 of them are known to be very challenging (and the 3rd isn't easy)

Could he be encouraged (bribed) with a Spanish trip?

Yes it’s useful and a great skill. He absolutely might well use it in the future. But you can’t make him. If he doesn’t want to learn it any more, at age 16, you’re helping nobody by making him do it. It’s not fair on the native speaker either.

FWIW I managed - badly, but improving - 20 years after my French gcse when I ended up in a totally French speaking household with no backup for a week. It was a muddle but it did come back to me.

Thanks for the reply. He’s currently undecided between engineering and medicine. I honestly don’t think he’ll use Spanish much in everyday life, but you never know, and it would be a shame to lose a skill he’s worked hard to acquire. Knowing another language can open up career opportunities, make travel easier, and is excellent for developing thinking and problem-solving skills

You can’t make him do it. He’s working hard as it is. He might come round to it again when the time is right for him.

A levels are tough.

I’d focus on those.

i only have gcse french but I have kept it up by watching French films and tv on Netflix. You can also get French books (or Spanish books) quite cheaply.

some places have meet ups in a pub or coffee shop for Spanish/french conversation which don’t cost a lot of money.

He's reaching the age where you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do.

If he wanted to carry on doing this then great but if he doesn't want to then it's time to let go a bit. He's obviously a talented and diligent student. Let him focus on tge subjects he chosen for A'level.

You could suggest he does Dulingo if he wants to keep his Spanish ticking over on a more informal basis. Perhaps book a holiday to a Spanish speaking country so he can have real life conversations.

Oh please leave the poor boy alone.

You are, of course, right that it could be useful. But having it forced on him by his mother when he’s nearly an adult and already very busy is the quickest way to put him off and sour your relationship.

Not unreasonable to encourage him, but it sounds like he is saying no so you should listen.

Which ones are the hard ones?

No this is nuts. Use the time to focus on A levels (its a really tricky time and a lot of work). Save energy for his other interests so he has energy to work and do well.

If he ever wants to pick Spanish up later he can! This is such a strange thing to fixate onOP! WHat else do you make your 16 year old do....

I don’t think you can ‘make’ him study anything; he’s almost an adult now and he needs to choose his own path. I think post-GCSE you really need to stop trying to engineer their activities and studies.

Trying to make a late-teenager continue learning an academic subject they’re not especially interested in really isn’t like jollying your eight-year-old off to Cubs. He’s not a little boy any more and he needs some autonomy.

I'm not the PP but it's pretty obviously maths and chemistry, no?

He can come back to the Spanish at any time in later life, if he decides to do medicine he'd be better spending spare time related to that

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...

It's pointless trying to force him, he won't learn if he doesn't want to. And he has enough to be going on with already. He can pick it up again later if he wants to.

My view is that, in addition to academic study, Y12 and Y13 are about facilitating independence, helping DC to make their own decisions, developing social skills and navigating that transition from ‘child’ to ‘adult’.

Your DS will have plenty on his plate at the moment with A-Levels so I’d let him drop the Spanish if that’s what he wants to do. He may come back to it, he may not, but letting him know that you trust him to make the right decision for him is massively important and will probably be a good thing for your relationship with him as you go through the next few years.

@SassyBear2 you've made the offer and he doesn't want it, so leave it. If he wants to pick it up later then he will.

My DC dropped Spanish after GCSE, but picked it up in his third year of uni as an optional module (possible with any degree at some unis e.g. UCL), and also used it on a Spanish walking holiday.

I think if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to, so leave it.

But if you have a budget for overseas holiday this year, book Spain. Ideally not all inclusive, so there’s a chance of using his language skills in restaurants etc. ask him to order for you.

When he’s older, it might be something he wants to pick up again.

He won't lose it though. It'll only take a day or so in Spain and it will come flooding back.
Let him concentrate on his A-levels and he can pick up Spanish again at a later date if he wants to.

Maths is hard. My son loves maths but at A levels it is difficult and becomes even harder later in the year and in the second year as the home study becomes more difficult. Then he has 2 other A levels on top of this. If you push this he will resent you.

It's his A Levels. You can't force him to take subjects he doesn't want to take. He's the one who has to study them, and A Levels are too hard and intense to be taking subjects you don't want to take. It won't go well, and he'll resent you for it.