To ask how people have learned to be wiser with their words?

[ForAzureFish]

I’ve been thinking lately about how much of a difference it makes when someone knows how to express themselves clearly, calmly or kindly, especially in difficult conversations. Whether it’s setting a boundary, giving feedback or just disagreeing respectfully, some people seem to have a real gift for saying things in a way that lands well, even if it’s firm. I’ve also noticed that a lot of misunderstandings, especially online, come from how things are said, not just what’s said.

So how did you learn to be wise with your words? Was it something you were taught? Something you learned the hard way? Or are we still figuring it out?

Genuinely curious.

I channel my oldest and closest friend of three decades. the warmest, wisest most intelligent person I have ever met and I’m blessed she’s in my life.

I channel her when I want to have a knee jerk reaction and it works

Some people are lucky enough to have wise words modelled by their parents.

One thing I think is good is to use strong words like ' hate' very sparingly. I think other expressions such as ' dislike' are almost always more appropriate.

I think people often learn things just bit by bit like the example above, unless you have a natural gift for saying the right thing.

Must admit for me it came with age, and as above, modelling a good friend who handles everything beautifully.

I've said so many dickish things last week in my time and I do actively try to do better.

I think it's partly inbuilt (or at least learned from a very young age from the adults around you). I was always tactful even as a young child, apparently, but as a teacher I also now have decades of experience of learning how to speak carefully to teenagers so that they (mostly!) listen and don't fly off the handle. Handling difficult or sensitive adults is very much the same tbh. I'm not quite as good at it after a few drinks though! (Not a problem in the classroom, obviously ).

I think this comes with age and experience but you also have to consciously think about how it will land with the other person. A lot of people don’t. Taking a pause helps. And also focusing on the behaviour and not criticising the person. That always leads to more conflict.
If you talk about how something makes you feel that’s more authentic and no one can tell you how you should feel.
Notice your own triggers and what is likely to be more emotive. Choose a good time to have a difficult conversation. That’s not always in the moment.
I’ve had to learn to bite my tongue and let some things go. Accept that no one is perfect.
Having exposure to people who frame things well has developed my language and practice a lot over the years.

My mum had a saying: “Much may be thought that cannot wisely be said”, and I’ve learned to respect that.

It’s hard but sometimes it’s best to restrain your impulse to express certain opinions and thoughts. -apart from anything else, it leaves mor options open!

Least said, soonest mended is a good one.