Frustrated mom of toddler

Reasonablemary · 2025-09-27T13:23:16+00:00

I just wanted to vent, really. I'm married and have a 17-month-old baby. We live in a tiny apartment and haven't been able to move to a bigger one since I lost my job this summer and don't see any career prospects for me in the short term. I love working and I enjoy good things. I don't want to complain because we're healthy, have a place to live, and we love each other. But I'm so tired of staying at home in an apartment I don't like! There's no room for the baby to walk, and I'm losing my patience over small things because, deep down, I'm very frustrated with my life right now. If I hear my daughter crying, I lose my temper easily. I feel abandoned and helpless. Any words of comfort?

Swiftie1878 · 27/09/2025 14:24

Get out and about more! Fresh air is good for the soul and you’ll have more space. Your child will be less frustrated and grumpy too.

WilfredsPies · 27/09/2025 14:54

I think getting out and about as much as possible is going to be your saviour. A relative of mine is bringing up a child in a similar situation. There isn’t a day where she doesn’t take him out and he’s developing such a love of the sea and of nature and of exploring. He likes the echo in a local underpass so she’ll stop in there with him as long as he wants to and they make as much noise as they like and he absolutely loves it. They play pooh sticks or throw stones in the sea. It’s finding the joy in small things which wouldn’t even register to an adult, but which a child is experiencing for the first time. And it’s not about money. A walk at their pace, stopping to look at everything they want to look at, doesn’t cost a penny, teaches them loads, encourages them to be curious and burns off energy.

Get yourself involved with as many children’s groups as you possibly can. My town has several groups for parents and children run from council premises that provide general help and assistance and just give parents the chance to get out and meet others in the same boat. Church halls are good for regular free toddler groups (or for just a token amount). Libraries have weekly baby sessions. Leisure centres often have very cheap fun tot sessions. All of these are budget friendly or free options, held in large areas where they can run around and blow off some steam and energy, then home time can be quieter, reading, gentle playing, craft, making cornflake cakes, building dens etc. Rainy days mean an opportunity to go puddle jumping or to go for a walk in the woods and make mud cakes. Cold days mean a chance to search for conkers or pick up leaves to paint and use in crafts. At 17 months, she’s going to want to explore and look at everything and it’s the perfect time to indulge her curiosity.

You might ask yourself who in their right mind would want to sit in a cold park for an hour while their DC grumble because they’re bored. And you’re right; that’s not going to be fun for either of you. But if you’re both dressed up warm and cosy and you’re showing her how much fun kicking leaves is, or splashing in puddles, or you’re letting her feel the bark on trees or picking daisies together, she’s going to have a whale of a time and you’re going to share her joy. But you have to do it with her, and show her the fun to be had doing the most simple things, because she isn’t going to find it for herself at such a young age and will get very bored, very quickly, and that will be frustrating for both of you.

Original poster

Reasonablemary · 27/09/2025 16:07

WilfredsPies · 27/09/2025 14:54

I think getting out and about as much as possible is going to be your saviour. A relative of mine is bringing up a child in a similar situation. There isn’t a day where she doesn’t take him out and he’s developing such a love of the sea and of nature and of exploring. He likes the echo in a local underpass so she’ll stop in there with him as long as he wants to and they make as much noise as they like and he absolutely loves it. They play pooh sticks or throw stones in the sea. It’s finding the joy in small things which wouldn’t even register to an adult, but which a child is experiencing for the first time. And it’s not about money. A walk at their pace, stopping to look at everything they want to look at, doesn’t cost a penny, teaches them loads, encourages them to be curious and burns off energy.

Get yourself involved with as many children’s groups as you possibly can. My town has several groups for parents and children run from council premises that provide general help and assistance and just give parents the chance to get out and meet others in the same boat. Church halls are good for regular free toddler groups (or for just a token amount). Libraries have weekly baby sessions. Leisure centres often have very cheap fun tot sessions. All of these are budget friendly or free options, held in large areas where they can run around and blow off some steam and energy, then home time can be quieter, reading, gentle playing, craft, making cornflake cakes, building dens etc. Rainy days mean an opportunity to go puddle jumping or to go for a walk in the woods and make mud cakes. Cold days mean a chance to search for conkers or pick up leaves to paint and use in crafts. At 17 months, she’s going to want to explore and look at everything and it’s the perfect time to indulge her curiosity.

You might ask yourself who in their right mind would want to sit in a cold park for an hour while their DC grumble because they’re bored. And you’re right; that’s not going to be fun for either of you. But if you’re both dressed up warm and cosy and you’re showing her how much fun kicking leaves is, or splashing in puddles, or you’re letting her feel the bark on trees or picking daisies together, she’s going to have a whale of a time and you’re going to share her joy. But you have to do it with her, and show her the fun to be had doing the most simple things, because she isn’t going to find it for herself at such a young age and will get very bored, very quickly, and that will be frustrating for both of you.

You were very generous with your reply. It's what I needed to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me

OP posts:

WilfredsPies · 27/09/2025 17:11

Reasonablemary · 27/09/2025 16:07

You were very generous with your reply. It's what I needed to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me

Show quote history

Not at all, I’m just glad it didn’t come across as being patronising. It’s tough, I know it is, especially when you see other mums decorating nurseries and hosting 26 other toddlers and their mums in their massive houses with separate play rooms, while you’re trying to organise storage options and entertain a toddler in a tiny space while still keeping it reasonably tidy. But it won’t be forever. Eventually you’ll be in a position to find work and will be able to afford more space. And you’ll look back at this time and be so grateful you had the chance to have so much fun with her when you did. You’re doing really well. Try and be a bit kinder to yourself.

Olinguita · 27/09/2025 17:48

Oh I really sympathise with you, OP. I was in a similar position to you a few years ago with a toddler in a flat. The reasons why we couldn't move were a bit different, we could more or less afford it but we had issues with the leasehold of the flat and selling it turned into this big protracted saga. DH and I also had some other wider family stuff we were dealing with and I felt so, so trapped and frustrated.
I would echo the excellent advice of @WilfredsPies posts. Get out and about as much as you can and take advantage of free or low-cost activities in your area. Libraries are your friend. We even liked roaming in our local shopping mall and DS loved looking at the tropical fish in the pet shop when he was the same age as your child.
I think the experience of raising a toddler in a flat rather than the large homes that all my NCT and church friends seemed to live in at the time had a silver lining - my son got used to being out and about a lot more, and I think that was quite enriching for him. And I got quite skilled in devising little micro adventures for us in the local area that were doable with a buggy and a budget. I discovered all kinds of new playgrounds and things of interest.
I fully appreciate how challenging and frustrating it can be and you are well within your rights to come on Mumsnet and vent.
I would say try not to compare yourself with others and remember that "this too shall pass" - maybe you will get a career opportunity in a few years that will put moving home within reach. The frenetic and exhausting toddler stage will end (I say this as a mum of a 4 year old...they get SO much easier) and everything may suddenly feel more manageable.
Good luck!