To think that good parents don’t insult or belittle their children, and good people don’t either?

[ThatRoseFish]

I honestly believe that a key part of being a good parent (or a good person, full stop) is treating children with respect and that includes how you speak to them. I’ve heard parents call their kids things like “idiot/lazy/stupid” sometimes in public and it makes me cringe. I get that parenting is hard and people lose their temper but if name-calling and put-downs are part of your regular parenting, then something’s gone wrong.

Children are still forming their sense of self. Words stick. Being constantly criticised or ridiculed, even under the guise of “tough love” doesn’t build character, it chips away at it.

AIBU to think that belittling children is never okay and that good parenting should include emotional safety too?

Of course.

I think perfect people don't but nobody is perfect. I think people can say things they don't mean and still be a good person/ good mum

I remember reading about Jim Morrison of the Doors and his relationship with his father. His father's method of punishing him growing up was making him stand there while his father just shouted abuse and belittling comments at him, trying to reduce him mentally to the state of nothing. And the effect it had in Jim Morrison shaped the rest of his short life.
I found that horrific, which is why it's stuck in my mind for many years.

Yes children should never be belittled and shamed. They should be encouraged and supported and loved.

We have always spoken to our children respectfully, funnily enough they are now all adults and they have never spoken to us any other way. It doesn’t mean that there can’t be robust conversations or disagreements, but there is just no need to be nasty or make people feel bad about themselves.

well of course it’s not ok. Who on earth is going to say it’s wonderful?!? Also, I’ve never heard a parent say anything like that to a child. Maybe move?

I didn’t post this expecting people to say it is wonderful, I was inviting discussion about where we draw the line between losing your temper occasionally and using insults as part of everyday parenting. You might not have seen it much personally but I’ve witnessed it more than once, and from otherwise ‘normal’ families. I do think it’s a conversation worth having because not all damage is physical or visible.

This, 100%. ^ How is this even a question? Of course it's not OK to insult and belittle your children. Who on earth is going to say it is?

Our family bond is based on insults. I've only about 20 minutes ago said to my 1 year old come here stinky let's change your bum

It’s not really a topic for debate is it? Who’s going to say it’s ok to do that? You might as well start a thread saying “do you think drink driving is unacceptable?”

No they shouldn’t be belittled but equally they should be given proper boundaries, lessons in manners, roper behaviour etc - if misbehaving even in public they should be checked for this appropriately

I’ve never heard anyone call their child lazy or stupidity who are these people? No of course it’s not ok and I would hope an adult can control themselves enough not to shout insults at their kid in a temper.

This.
I’m not raising no snow flakes!
But I’m not constantly insulting them either. They’re my babies, I want them to do well, to do better than me. To be confident. To be everything they can be!
EXCEPT a walk over that takes shit from ass holes!

there are more ass holes about than nice people.

Its not good to abuse children but people do but i presume the people having discussions on what is acceptable or not would be different for everyone and also I doubt people who abuse children are in this thread discussing it in the first place?

You want a discussion about the rights and wrongs of using insults as part of everyday parenting?

Iv say come on lazy bum put your shoes on many times

People who regularly abuse their kids provably aren’t here chatting about it but I think these conversations still matter. Sometimes people replicate the way they were spoken to growing up without realising the harm or they think tough love is necessary. Hearing others say “actually, this isn’t okay” might be the first nudge to rethink it. I posted more to open the door than to argue with people who’ve already walked through it.

Yes I do because not everyone agrees on where the line is. Some people think things like “lazy/stupid” are harmless or even motivating. Others see it as damaging. It might seem obvious to some but I’ve seen it often enough, from otherwise loving parents.