Endless DIY

[SoOriginal]

So DH and I are having a disagreement. Who is being unreasonable?

DH and I agreed the downstairs loo needed a spruce up. DH took three days off work and several weekend to work on it whilst I looked after DC (newborn and 3yo) Unfortunately the tiles he laid have created a threshold neither of us is happy with - it looks a bit rubbish.

Both agreed a few days ago that it was what it was and we need to put up with it for a while at least….

DH says this morning, these tiles HAVE to come up, and suggests he work on it today. I said no. It’s finished and I’m not prepared to solo parent the children on yet ANOTHER back to back weekend. He says ‘I should have known you’d be like this, you don’t have the stomach for it’. I said ‘it’s not my fault it looks rubbish and I’m not prepared to parent the children on my own whilst you work endlessly on a project’.

I think he was rude. Its loo is safe and useable. Who’s BU?

DH has asked for an edit to add:

• 3 yo was in preschool on the three days he had off work
• hes not a professional tradesman and we agreed we would do the work so we could save money
• the 3 days he took off work for purely for DIY purposes

You’re right, he gets to mess about with that and do no childcare, it’s a cop out. The tiles will just have to stay or he can do it when kids are in bed.

These are my thoughts. I wouldn’t even mind if he wanted to do it in a couple of weeks, but I need a break from solo parenting

I think if you are not both up for it, it should be left. Especially with a newborn.

When you are recovered from the birth and feeling up to it, it might work better for you to do the tiling and DH take the children. It worked well for us on mat leave when I needed a break from the children and DH was missing out on seeing them. But not when I'd newly given birth, obviously.

Hello, I just spoke to my husband about this. My husband did a tiling course and has done some similar DIY in our house, including making mistakes and then making good. It took him ages, including comedic episodes of making the same cutting error 7 times over). I thought you might like a bloke’s perspective.

He thinks your husband is being unreasonable, but does also have some sympathy for him.

So, the unreasonable thing is wanting to do repairs right now when you’re exhausted from solo parenting.

However, my husband reckons your husband feels embarrassed about how the bathroom looks and wonders what visitors might think. It’s a pride thing. It’s niggling on his mind. He wants to do a good job and he can’t let it go. My husband says it’ll be on his mind constantly, hence the urgency. The dude can’t take a peaceful crap surrounded by wonky tiling. It’s a man thing.

His solution would be for you to acknowledge his frustration, be pleased he wants the house to look good (and highlight how many other husbands out there can’t be arsed and/or have low standards), and put a date in the diary in a month’s time for him to re-do the project. That way, you get some respite and he can look forward to making good.

Personally if it would fix the issue and he knows what needs doing and it won’t go wrong again I would let him do the job.

Newborns don’t move, I could sit feeding a new born watching a cartoon with a 3 year old, take baby in pram out to park for a walk or even shop for 3 year old and have a none chore day

eat something easy and then you get the tiling as you want for a while

I don’t get these battles - kids need looking after tiles need relaying - divide and conquer

it’s not like H wants to go to pub to watch football and disappear for the day - that I would kick off at - just a big job needs doing - that’s life owing a house

It needs to be fixed but perhaps not right now. On the other hand the sooner you do it, the sooner its fixed

This is another reason why DIY is overrated, there is a reason tradesmen cost money. GAMI.

So you both U for DiYing, and you are U for not wanting it done properly, child care or no child care

Or swap roles, you fix it and he can do the child care.

I speak from within a bodged home and its unacceptable. I have a long list of things that need to be done. Ive listened to him (the bodger) too many times and Im not putting up with bodging any more.

Trades have become very expensive post Brexit because they know most men didn't have DT at school and can't do the simple jobs they would have been able to 20+ years ago. Just as I'd suggest a man who doesn't like his wife's cleaning abilities should hire a cleaner, you should have insisted he hire a trades-person. You'll know for next time.

Can we see a pic of threshold? What is the subfloor? How thick are tiles?