Stay married but live apart?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I’ve had a long marriage, over 30 years, and I just don’t want to live with him any more. I’m happy to stay married and holiday/day out together, but at the end of the day I want him to go away. I just think living apart would solve many problems, anyone else dream of living alone?

No that's weird. How about having your own rooms? My uncle is rich and he and his wife each have a 'wing'. Up the stairs and to the right is his and to the left is hers. I'm insanely jealous tbh!

@MadisonMarieParksValetta Can’t be that weird if you are ‘insanely’ jealous of your uncle’s separate wing?

What is it about living together that is hard and would that change? Do you think you’d grow apart anyway?

What would he think of this?

I don’t think it’s weird at all but it’s worth really examining if you actually want to stay married.

I would like to live next door to my husband or the house across the road 😂

In the same house. They don't have 2 separate addresses and visit each other for a wee coffee. They sleep in their wing and have their own bathrooms. So aye, I'm jealous.

Surely the whole point of being married is to share your lives. That means the everyday mundane things as well as holidays and days out. Separate bedrooms often work well but separate houses are a different matter. How would it work financially. Can you both afford to run a house? What specifically don't you like about having him around

Having separate bedrooms has been great for us as I violently kick during sleep. Maybe a small change like that would help? Or setting up expectations for some alone time every day?

Name changed for this, is outing but....my husband's alcoholism led to me refusing to share a home with him. One particular incident was the tipping point t after a 25yr+ marriage He also is living with a stage 4 incredibly rare cancer (not directly related) being treated with constant debilitating drug therapy.
So, I still see husband regularly for coffee, or a film or outing, and all medical appointments and we're very friendly. When he becomes too ill to live alone he'll live here again, and be cared for here, jas we are each other's only family.
While our relationship has changed, of course, we always got on well as friends and are also retired and financially able to support him having a separate flat. I appreciate this is unusual, but it works for us, and friends say I have flourished since I dont have the immediate stress and agony of living with the addiction.

Some friends of ours are living in separate houses. In the same village.

She moved out about 4 yrs ago. It kind of combined when they were doing a house renovation..

They spend alot of time together and as a family with their children. They eat out regularly, Christmas together, holidays etc. See each other pretty much daily for a cuppa, help each other around the home type of thing.

Seems to work. But I think he seeing there's opportunity for freedom with other women.

I think it's OK whilst he has holiday flings and nothing 'local'. I think there will be issues if he emotionally connects to another person.

Why do I want to live separately in an ideal world? I’m fed up of doing the vast majority of the housework, even if I asked him to do his share he wouldn’t. I’m fed up of having to provide an evening meal ( to be fair he does cook a couple of nights a week) when it’s my turn to cook. Sometimes I don’t even want a meal but it’s my turn. I like a tidy house, he leaves stuff around. Id like to watch what I want on TV all the time, not have to watch sports. Just little things like that would make my life happier. Anyway, it’s a dream and won’t happen.

Tell him what you're unhappy with, and say shape up or ship out 👍

I think instead of asking random strangers on the internet how they'd feel you would probably be better off asking your husband his thoughts

My original question was to random strangers though, to ask if they dream of living alone. If I wanted his thoughts I’d ask.