I am currently locked in the toilet absolutely raging and I need to know if I’m going insane. Sorry if it’s a bit long!
I have known both DH and BIL since I was 15 and they were 17 (twins). I love my BIL very much and have always viewed him as a brother. BIL struggled financially and mentally for many years, resulting in him spending a lot of time at our house - I never minded, I wanted to help. In the last 3 years BIL has been in a much better position. He’s finally got a well paying, steady job and DH bought a house for him that he rents from him/us.
Up until 6 months ago, BIL would drop in a couple of times a week to see us and our DC, have dinner, watch a film etc. All fine, he’s great with the kids and we like having him around. Then all of a sudden, things changed. He is here almost every night. He would show up 30 minutes before our DD’s bed time and get them all amped up and because they adore him, they wouldn’t want to go to bed. DS (who is much older than our DD’s) adores him too, and would also use his uncle being around as an excuse to stay up even throughout his GCSE’s.
We asked BIL to stop coming around just before bedtime, and told him we were happy for him to come just for dinner. He then started arriving just after DD’s bedtime. He just sits in the sofa and chats to us, which is fine in principle but it’s 7 fucking days a week!!!! DH and I get barely any time to ourselves as it is, and now he’s here what feels like all the time. We have asked him if there’s anyone wrong, he insists there’s not. DH messaged him earlier this week and asked him not to come over this weekend until Sunday. DC’s aren’t here so we were looking forward to two nights alone. He agreed.
Lo and behold tonight, DH and I are having some…private time….on the sofa. BIL lets himself in and walks straight in on it. He’s apologised and says he feels guilty, but then in the next breath he says ‘well, I may as well stay now!’ and grabs himself a beer and turns the TV on!
We’re going to have to change the locks, obvs, but I’m worried I should be more sympathetic as he’s clearly going through something that he hasn’t yet told us about.
Would I be unreasonable to kick him out tonight and tell him to come back Sunday? Or should I try and get more info out of him now? On one hand, i’d quite like to shag my husband tonight, on the other, i’m concerned BIL is deeply depressed and needs help.