Feel like giving up

[Whenwillicatchabreak]

NC as outing if linked to other posts. I’m not thinking of harming myself or anything like that, I just want to vent.

I feel like I’ve been fighting life for almost 3 years. I suffered an absolutely tragic, horrific loss of a parent 3 years ago, since then it’s been a snowball of problems and I’m just so tired. This week has been the nail in the coffin.

timeline:

• lose parent in utterly tragic circumstances
• family erupts into the most callous drama, all dies down but nobody speaks any longer. I don’t have any contact with that side and nor will I.
• in the grief, I have a short affair (my relationship with DP was over long beforehand. Not an excuse but was my reasoning at the time. We weren’t intimate for years.)
• I come clean. Ex adamant in wanting to make it work despite me being unfaithful. I can’t.
• I finish the affair and then deal with harassment, threats and abuse from them. Police get involved. (Harassment still ongoing 2 years later. I’m being stalked.)
• I leave my DP of 16 years. All amicable then turns very nasty when they realise there’s no chance of reconciliation
• I leave the home with DC. Financially screw myself over but couldn’t live with what I’d done though he’d have been happy to continue.
• ex starts kicking up a fuss about maintenance for 2 dc.
• on my arse financially for around a year but trying to make my business work
• I get diagnosed with a load of health problems mental and physical.
• somehow almost my whole friendship group disintegrates- 100% nothing to do with the affair which they supported. I think it’s as I’m no longer able to financially support them but unsure as I was always the payer.
• I get in a new, difficult relationship. Really like the person but they’re extremely touchy and volatile. Feel as though I’m on egg shells. There’s huge potential so I see it through.

last month:

• new person loses a parent, seemingly takes it out on me through constant arguing and mood swings.
• I lose my car and my credit is fried.
• final straw, I’ve lost my business.

my credit is shot, I don’t have any real friends, my relationship feels on the rocks, my ex makes my life difficult financially, I’m being stalked by my other ex, and now I’ve lost my business. All while keeping a brave face for DC. I honestly can’t cope. I’m now having to apply for benefits and just don’t know how I claw myself out of this situation.

my family don’t, and aren’t in a position to, support me. Writing this feels like I’m talking about somebody else, this can’t be my real life. For some reason I feel everything’s just going to click and work out. That’s how history has it. But it also feels different. AIBU?

To clarify, my AIBU is more of a Wwyd and has anybody else been in a similar position?

Ok so one thing at a time

ExDP will have to get over it, maintainence is a % of what you earn and youre not earning if your business is gone.

It sounds like throughout life you've been OK with people taking advantage and that has to stop if youve any hope of happiness

New BF sounds like more trouble. There's nothing likable about being on eggshells and early doors... this is his best behaviour. End it.

You need to focus on getting some counselling and job hunting. Speak to your GP id you suspect low mood. Work on creating stability and the rest will follow

Sorry I meant he’s supposed to give maintenance to me but unfortunately we’ve still got some financial ties that I’ve struggled to pay so he’s not paid maintenance as a result.

thank you for your kindness

1. Get rid of your partner, he’s bringing you down.
2. Call the police and start logging instances of stalking by your stalker ex.
3. If you haven’t already, start a CMS claim against ex and father of kids.
4. Sign up for benefits and try to maximise your entitlement (include kids and housing etc etc)
5. Reach out to friends worth having.
6. Find a new hobby or interest or something you like to do and make new friends through that.
7. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up over your life becoming unraveled - it’s not your fault and you’re doing everything you can!

Perhaps step away from relationships for a while as they're a huge part of your problem

I struggle massively with endings and/or confrontation.

I’ll let something wear me into the ground and exhaust all options before I feel I can end it. Fear of upset, unsettlenent, repercussions, drama.

it’s funny, people that know me seem to think I’m some kind of cut throat business woman who takes no shit from anybody especially men. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. It adds to the loneliness that nobody knows how sensitive I am