Would this annoy you?

[MuffinAndCookie]

I’ve been with my partner 8 years and we had a little boy last year. I work 3 days a week, but he’d started to come home complaining I hadn’t done the housework or cooked dinner.
He works with this woman and he’s got friendly with her, he goes to her house for “a beer” after work.
I came downstairs the other Sunday morning and she was sat on our sofa!! She brings him cakes round saying he “deserves them”
she’s nice to me and he says there is nothing in it but I swear she openly flirts with him. She is separated and quite a lot older than him.
i can’t stop him seeing her as they work closely together.
what do you think?

My partner certainly wouldn’t be going round to his colleagues for a beer after work every day when we had a baby at home and I’d been doing the majority of the childcare. Once a week, as long as I was also getting one night out a week. Do you get any nights out?

The fact that it’s a female colleague, who seems to be turning up to make her territory, would be an absolute no.

The housework and cooking split though. You’re working fewer days than him so you should be doing more of that than he does, but he does need to be doing his share. It isn’t all your job. Cooking should be split evenly, housework split with you doing a little bit more.

Yes this would absolutely annoy me. Sounds like she is trying to ‘swoop’ in by giving him beer and cake and telling him how wonderful he is.

i am not against DH having female friends but the reason you feel uncomfortable is because a line has been crossed and he is seeking something from her - maybe it’s not sex but sounds like the attention and flattery- emotionally you should be the no1 woman in his life and not looking for external support. The realities of having a baby are hard and sounds like he is comparing you to this women with no kids/commitments and time to bake and no doubt keep a beautiful house.

I would be sitting him down to recognise it is difficult in the first years of parenthood, it won’t always be this way but it is just a fact he or keeping a clean house and cooking dinner is not currently your no 1 priority anymore. He needs to step up and help if he wants things to be a certain way.

She is his work colleague. So why is he going round to her house to drink with her when he has a baby at home ? He should be sharing the parenting with you. Not spending his time with another woman.

And why was she sat on your sofa first thing on Sunday morning? Had she spent the night at your home?

You need to sit down and talk to him about boundaries. If he works closely with this woman then he sees a lot of her at work so there should be no need to socialise with her after work as well. He needs to step up and do his share of the parenting and maintaining the house.

And honestly OP if he doesn't step up and he won't step back from his relationship with this woman you need to think about your relationship going forward.

I don’t agree when people say if you work part time you “should” do more cooking/cleaning. Being at home all day with a baby/toddler is bloody hard work!! If there is time to clean up or cook then fair enough, but from my own experience, I use the time the baby is napping (when they actually aren’t contact napping!) to use the toilet/shower etc. my husband would be getting divorced if he even had an expectation that I should be cooking/cleaning whilst I’m at home taking care of our child. The fact he is complaining about it to you makes me sick. And the whole female colleague friend thing seems a bit off and if you’re not happy with it, speak to your partner about how it’s making you feel.

Boundaries.

Very healthy and reasonable boundaries, meaning he doesn’t go round to other woman’s houses to drink or have them sleep over.

Never feel bad for having clear boundaries.

Yes, that would annoy me.

Maybe you should tell him to come straight home after work and he can watch the child while you tidy and make dinner or he could do those things whilst you watch the child instead of going out for a beer next time he mentions it. I could quite easily tell my husband I’m not comfortable with him going to a woman’s house after work for a beer, what he chooses to do with that information is up to him

Yes i wouldn't be happy. It's one thing to go to a colleague's house after work if you're single. If you have a dp and dc you go home and help. You also at least let them know if you've invited a colleague round.