Another school mums one!

Helpmee1 · 2025-09-26T10:05:50+00:00

Please can someone help me with how I’m feeling: I feel really upset after the school run because I feel the other mums don’t like me. They don’t say hello until I say hi first, they wait for each other and walk down. They will literally say hi to everyone and leave me out, any advice?

Shinyandnew1 · 26/09/2025 11:10

It's difficult to say.

When mine were at school, I generally talked to other parents I knew-people from preschool, parents who had older children who I knew already, neighbours.

I would have smiled and said hi to people if they spoke to me, but either talked to people I knew or stood on my own. I don't think I was being horrible or cliquey.

Is this a handful of people or just a few? Surely the whole class of mums aren't being friendly to the other 29 and all ignoring you?

OhBumBags · 26/09/2025 11:12

How long has your DC been at the school?

My advice is to remember that school is your DC's territory, not a social club for parents.

If parents become friends over time then that's great, but if they don't, that's also ok too as there will be other places you can go to make friends.

Also, are you sure there aren't other parents in your position that you're ignoring in favour of this particular group you'd rather be friends with?

Just drop off and pick up and see if anything develops over the years.

Original poster

Helpmee1 · 26/09/2025 11:22

@OhBumBags @Shinyandnew1 thank you both for replying. I have 2 kids 10 and 7. The 10 year old I don’t feel this with (different school) but the 7 year old it’s 3 mums tbh. One to one I get on fine with them and we have been to each others houses. I do get the feeling one of them in particular does it on purpose - she will literally say hi and smile to every person but miss me out then be all smiley to people around me. I’m not imagining it I can just feel it but one to one she’s okay if I go up to her first. Our kids have been together for past 4 years now! I just don’t get it. I just feel excluded on purpose

OP posts:

OhBumBags · 26/09/2025 11:36

Helpmee1 · 26/09/2025 11:22

@OhBumBags @Shinyandnew1 thank you both for replying. I have 2 kids 10 and 7. The 10 year old I don’t feel this with (different school) but the 7 year old it’s 3 mums tbh. One to one I get on fine with them and we have been to each others houses. I do get the feeling one of them in particular does it on purpose - she will literally say hi and smile to every person but miss me out then be all smiley to people around me. I’m not imagining it I can just feel it but one to one she’s okay if I go up to her first. Our kids have been together for past 4 years now! I just don’t get it. I just feel excluded on purpose

So it's just 3 mums?

That's fine then, just concentrate on the others.

It sounds as though she just doesn't like you very much, and we can't like everyone, can we?

All we can do is be polite and she is when you approach her on a one to one basis, because it would be much more awkward not to.

Just ignore these three and concentrate on other parents to chat with.

FuzzyWolf · 26/09/2025 11:39

Helpmee1 · 26/09/2025 11:22

@OhBumBags @Shinyandnew1 thank you both for replying. I have 2 kids 10 and 7. The 10 year old I don’t feel this with (different school) but the 7 year old it’s 3 mums tbh. One to one I get on fine with them and we have been to each others houses. I do get the feeling one of them in particular does it on purpose - she will literally say hi and smile to every person but miss me out then be all smiley to people around me. I’m not imagining it I can just feel it but one to one she’s okay if I go up to her first. Our kids have been together for past 4 years now! I just don’t get it. I just feel excluded on purpose

She sounds unpleasant and the others the same for not disregarding her bullying of you.

Just remember, these people aren’t your friends and circumstances have put you together but nothing else. Easy to say to ignore them, but that’s what you need to do.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2025 11:44

Why are you worried about 1 Mom? What about the other 20+ parents?
I have an amazing Mom groups in year 6, we've all known each other since year R, but there's lots of parents I don't even say hi to. It's ok

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 26/09/2025 11:44

Honestly - all this shit will be over in a few years. Be a drop and go mum. You're there to deliver your kid safely to school, not make friends. She can make her own mates. Don't hover at parties neither. All you have in common with these silly girls is the fact you all conceived at the same time.

Original poster

Helpmee1 · 26/09/2025 12:27

OhBumBags · 26/09/2025 11:36

So it's just 3 mums?

That's fine then, just concentrate on the others.

It sounds as though she just doesn't like you very much, and we can't like everyone, can we?

All we can do is be polite and she is when you approach her on a one to one basis, because it would be much more awkward not to.

Just ignore these three and concentrate on other parents to chat with.

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But they act all friendly with the mums I do talk to them I feel awkward as them 3 barge into our conversations and take over speaking to the others whilst I’m standing there all awkward.

OP posts:

OhBumBags · 26/09/2025 12:39

Helpmee1 · 26/09/2025 12:27

But they act all friendly with the mums I do talk to them I feel awkward as them 3 barge into our conversations and take over speaking to the others whilst I’m standing there all awkward.

Show quote history

If the others are happy to let them do that, that's also fine 🤷‍♂️

You can't control these women, their behaviour or who they choose to speak to and when.

They are their own people.

fiorentina · 26/09/2025 12:49

I think some people hyper focus on being friends with school mums. In the workplace you don’t necessarily become friends with everyone because you work together and I see school gates the same? You may only have a child or the same age in common and that doesn’t make them nice people either! I also think it depends if you also have older children and less time for making friends.

Focus on those who are friendly and more welcoming.

Original poster

Helpmee1 · 27/09/2025 08:40

I saw one of them at an event last night. I said hello to her little one as she had her back turned to me so was waiting for her to turn around to say hello but she didn’t turn around. My youngest went up to hers and said hi. She didn’t even acknowledge me or my dc! She just stormed off! I’ve decided now to match her energy , I will not even acknowledge her. But I know my personality as I literally cannot help saying hello to people! At least I was brought up with manners which I’m proud of but I think other peoples lack of manners trigger me but to hell with them I’m going to start being rude if I’m met with rudeness.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helpmee1 · 27/09/2025 08:43

fiorentina · 26/09/2025 12:49

I think some people hyper focus on being friends with school mums. In the workplace you don’t necessarily become friends with everyone because you work together and I see school gates the same? You may only have a child or the same age in common and that doesn’t make them nice people either! I also think it depends if you also have older children and less time for making friends.

Focus on those who are friendly and more welcoming.

I don’t want to be friends with them truthfully but I just want to have polite exchanges when we do see each other. It’s a small school with less than 20 kids in each year group, I don’t feel it’s much to ask for to be polite when you see someone you know. Maybe I was raised differently in that you say hello and be polite but as I said upthread I will start matching their energies even though that’s not my personality I think that’s the only way I will stop getting upset

OP posts:

rodarrrach · 27/09/2025 08:48

Hi OP. That is horrible the way they are treating you and to ignore your little DC too in my opinion is the ultimate low.
It is very easy to say concentrate on other parents but that is tricky if said mums are also in that space.

It is hard and will be hard, for a while, but try and forge a friendship/easy going rapport with a couple of other mums and work on phasing the other vibes out.
Take care. Mind yourself and you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. X

Original poster

Helpmee1 · 27/09/2025 08:54

rodarrrach · 27/09/2025 08:48

Hi OP. That is horrible the way they are treating you and to ignore your little DC too in my opinion is the ultimate low.
It is very easy to say concentrate on other parents but that is tricky if said mums are also in that space.

It is hard and will be hard, for a while, but try and forge a friendship/easy going rapport with a couple of other mums and work on phasing the other vibes out.
Take care. Mind yourself and you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. X

Thank you so much @rodarrrach yes you are right. I think very often we focus on the “bad” things than all the good things. I’ll be honest I was very upset when she ignored us. It doesn’t take much just to say @hi, how are you?” It take literally 5 seconds of pleasantness!

OP posts:

BlueMum16 · 27/09/2025 08:59

Helpmee1 · 27/09/2025 08:43

I don’t want to be friends with them truthfully but I just want to have polite exchanges when we do see each other. It’s a small school with less than 20 kids in each year group, I don’t feel it’s much to ask for to be polite when you see someone you know. Maybe I was raised differently in that you say hello and be polite but as I said upthread I will start matching their energies even though that’s not my personality I think that’s the only way I will stop getting upset

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I don't get the wanting to have polite exchanges.

School mums are strangers. Not friends. Just because your DC spend a few hours together does not mean the parents need to engage.

Stop trying to engage. If spoken to say Hi but nothing more.

I smile and say Hi but absolutely nothing else. Move on.

pokewoman · 27/09/2025 09:22

I talk to just a couple of mums and dads who i was friends with before school gates. Others I will be polite to (say hi if they say it, smile back if they smile) but I have zero interest in making friends at the school gate to and won't initiate conversation. I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to pick up my kids. In those precious last few mins before the kids come out, I'm trying to mentally run through if I've done everything I needed to do that day, thinking about what needs doing that evening and trying to take a few moments of peace.

rodarrrach · 27/09/2025 18:01

Hi OP. That is horrible the way they are treating you and to ignore your little DC too in my opinion is the ultimate low.
It is very easy to say concentrate on other parents but that is tricky if said mums are also in that space.

It is hard and will be hard, for a while, but try and forge a friendship/easy going rapport with a couple of other mums and work on phasing the other vibes out.
Take care. Mind yourself and you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. X