I cannot get my child to read

[littlegreydevil]

I’m going to don a hard hat for this one but I’m desperate enough that if I glean even one useful tip, it’ll have been worth it.
My youngest, 10yo and in year 6, is diagnosed autistic, ADHD and dyslexic. He still cannot read fluently and I am devastated and so incredibly worried.
He is part of the cohort that was put in lockdown in their reception year. So he has missed crucial education. We did do every piece of work that was sent home by school, sometimes sitting with him for hours trying to get him to learn his phonics and write one measly sentence, there were a lot of tears, his and mine, trying to get through the work. That is when I started suspecting dyslexia which was eventually confirmed 2 years later.
Since then, we have tried everything. Books for reluctant readers, books based on his special interests, mirrored reading, texts with special fonts… Anything the school suggested, we have tried. He has an EHCP and special interventions at school (mainstream) and yet here we are, he has the reading ability of a child at year 1 level.
I’m a bookworm and so is his older sibling so he sees us read regularly so the behaviour is being modelled and he even gets jealous when I buy a new book for the older one. He likes to play Minecraft so we encourage him to sound out and type in words in the search bar when he’s looking for something. I don’t know what else to try!
It’s like he can’t see the letters as a unit, he struggles to recognise common exception words or tricky sounds, and when sounding words out, it’s like he doesn’t hear all the sounds (hearing has been checked and fine).
I am now looking at secondary schools for him and can’t find any that can meet needs. He is too sociable and articulate for most SEMH schools locally, but too far behind for mainstream, even those with a resource base. This is a child who thrives on social interaction so home education would not be suitable. Not to mention the fact that I feel we have completely failed him as educators so don’t think we should be teaching him.
I’m even considering asking the council to hold him back a year in the hope we could get him more ready for secondary but realistically the odds of that happening are really low.
What can I do? How did you get reading to “click” with your child if they have special needs? Help!

we do this too. I get the audio version of a book and my girls:

• listen to the book first then read
• read along with the audio book

I'll often just get audio books for them to listen to with no pressure to read along too, perhaps books above their reading level. This exposes them to new language and different genres with no pressure.

also, they all love dogman books, from reluctant readers to strong readers, Dogman were a hit. And Tom Gates. These books have a lot of illustrations and are funny.

You do need specialist help for the dyslexia, ideally through school but if that's not working then you could try private if you have the resources?

At home I'd stop worrying so much about the "reading" and focus on "books" instead. Read aloud to him a lot and buy him audio books. He will gain hugely from this even if he's just listening: increased vocabulary, improved understanding of sentence structure and narrative, better comprehension, grasp of new facts (science, history, whatever), exposure to different voices and perspectives - plus hopefully some plain old enjoyment! If you can help him to love books in whatever way works for him then he will be really well set up when his reading ability eventually catches up to his comprehension.

You are not an educator - you are a Mum!

Education is the school's job and in that regard your job is to fight for the right school and the right input while in school.

Reading at home is already tainted in his eyes because of the tears and woe that has happened there in the past over his reading, so I would write that off for now. Just read to him, enjoy audio books and focus on all the other things he can do.

If he knows you are worried about it, he will resist and avoid because he will feel the tension.

It must be awful to have reading a problem in school and then you get home and the problem starts all over again! Home is for comfort and relaxation, not stress.

If it is any consolation one of my adult DDs struggled like this in school and she now has an MA! We read to her lots but did not focus on the difficulty, nor to be honest did we worry about it. She had other interests and talents and we concentrated on those. If she asked for help with a task that required reading we would of course help, but we did not initiate it.

She was entirely comfortable with it all - and indeed was happy for her much younger sister to read to her without feeling embarrassed.

There are so many highly talented people with dyslexia and in the main they do find ways around it - but they will only do that if they are given personal confidence in themselves, so that they can ask when they need help without feeling they have lost face.

I would concentrate on his confidence in himself as your home project.

My eldest was 9 at start of covid and honestly could barely write or read. Dyslexic but had developed awkward behaviour to avoid learning in school. Had an impressive vocabulary from a young age and we expected him to fly academically. Lockdown was a bit of a blessing as went back to basics teach your monster to read, reading eggs. Audio books with physical book to read along to, Harry Potter brilliant for this. 15 now and top sets in school although spelling still atrocious.

Thank you for the advice so far. We have done Toe to Toe in school, Nessy at school and at home, we have audiobooks, we do subtitles on the TV, and I do buy him books still. When I say he gets jealous, it’s not because I don’t get him anything, but it’s because I get them books and his sibling derives pleasure from that but he doesn’t (even if it’s books on things that interest him like Minecraft and Lego). He’d much rather I bought him a Lego set or a toy!
We work really hard at building his self-confidence, celebrating all the things he is really good at (his Lego creations are amazing, he can re-create from memory buildings and scenes of what he’s seen on holiday for example). He has a scientific brain, creating ships and machines then testing them then fixing what needs fixing to get them go do shat he wants ghem to do. He’s also really open to learning and very charming so when we’re out and about he has managed to get armed police to show him how their guns work, firefighters to show him all the nooks and crannies of their engine, even bagged himself a tour of the machine room on a ship! I know he is bright and has so much potential but when he can’t demonstrate it academically, it feels pretty hopeless.
I think one of our biggest challenges is how his neurodivergencies interact, particularly the dyslexia and the ADHD. He derives no pleasure or reward from reading so is particularly resistant to it. At the moment, he doesn’t even want me to read to him so I have backed off and once in a while he’ll pick a childhood favourite for me to read but not often.
I have also tried highlighting the need for reading, for example by getting him to help with cooking and reading the recipe or by writing a shopping list. He seems to love the idea of it but when it comes down to it, he backs out.
I will look again for a specialist tutor but have really struggled to source anyone in the past.

Coming on to offer kind words and support. DS aged 10 is currently undergoing assessment for dyslexia. I asked them to get the ball rolling. His older siblings and DH and I all notice how behind he is with reading and writing. He has had his eyes checked - vision is fine. Optician said it a perception issue. So we know it's to do with his ability to learn to read and write. You have my sympathies. DS is such a bright wee thing and tries so so hard. He overcompensates with sport such as rugby.

Keep pushing for resources with his school. You are not alone.

Just adding that DS had a bonus year at nursery due to SALT input, he had delayed speech.

Your DS will get there in his own time.

I think one of our biggest challenges is how his neurodivergencies interact, particularly the dyslexia and the ADHD. He derives no pleasure or reward from reading so is particularly resistant to it. At the moment, he doesn’t even want me to read to him so I have backed off and once in a while he’ll pick a childhood favourite for me to read but not often.

DD1 was often like this - we couldn't afford private diagnosis and schools fobbed off mostly with a few support things of mixed help TBH.

At Uni she started ASD ruled out - then tested for dyslexia and dyspraxia - she had both- and then took longer but finally got propertly tested for ADHD - she has inattentive ADHD.

Older she got harder it was to do things with her - https://www.readandspell.com/ one of the last things she tolerated was touch typing reading spelling.

We just kept trying with reading - asked for suggestions in reading section here -keeping her interest with audio book and book reviews with Overly sarcastic production - their mix of reviews, history myths and story structure/character tropes analysis went down well with her .

I worried we were just masking her problems - but she does now read for pleasure something I though would never happen.

So my take it's bloody hard - schools aren't as supportive as you'd hope - but it is possible for them to get there.

DS was a book worm once he got past early huge reading problems - again reading dancing bears and spelling apple and pears mostly did that - but even he was stopping early secondary years and it's taken a while for that to get back up as an activity he now just does.

So many famous people were dyslexic... who became important in many ways, eg. Einstein, Roald Dahl, Michael Heseltine...
It sounds as if your son is an amazing child. If his reading problem is so bad wouldn't he be allowed to use a phone app like Speechify at school? After all he is effectively blind to text it seems. Perhaps if the pressure was taken off it might also encourage him to at least pick up enough to get by.

When you love books yourself, it can be hard to recognise that some people just don't. Especially if they are dyslexic.

There is a lot of pride attached to reading, as a sign of being intelligent, academic, educated, and well-informed. "Well-read" is a description that signals these things.
But some people just never read for pleasure, and that is okay.

All he needs is to be able to write essays to pass his GCSEs. Get him all the help he needs to meet that aim.
But forget about getting him to read for pleasure.

He can go through life watching films, watching the news and documentaries to stay "informed", listening to podcasts or audiobooks, and finding a career that doesn't involve a lot of daily reading.
That is okay.

Lockdown has nothing to do with this

zero

My younger son (no SEN) hated reading. He could read but just wouldn't. Until one day he got to see one of the LOTR films (he was obsessed but I wouldn't let him watch them at the cinema, he was too young and he sulked wildly). He watched the film that has The Battle of Helm's Deep and he LOVED it. So I read him the bit in the book about the battle. He made me read it every night for weeks and then I got him reading bits by himself. Then he started reading bits around the battle, and, after I let him watch all three films on DVD, ended up reading the whole of the three books (very slowly admittedly).

It was as though once he'd seen it on the film he could envisage it, and that helped him to 'see' what he was reading about. It kind of expanded from then.

He's now in his thirties and a very successful accountant. This might not work for every child but it might help someone whose child is a reluctant reader.

I would seek advice from dyslexic specialist. If you PM me I will send sections of the report my son was given as it gives advice and resources, but given your son's needs I would be looking at speaking to a specialist about tailored advice for your son. Our son was assessed by an educational psychologist specialising in this - we had to pay privately.

As others have said, a speech to text and text to speech reader may help your son.

You sound like an amazing parent - engaged, proactive and sensitive to your son’s needs.

So sorry I do not have any helpful or relevant advice.

I really hope you find the support and resources you need.

You sound like a wonderful mum. 💐.

Dd 26 still barely reads, she is dyslexic, adhd and crucially irlens so I would advise looking into that.

I will try to find a visual representation she made of what reading is like for her and what she assumed at the time age 14 that everyone else saw when reading.

Like this but the words move too

Word hornet and then word wasp made the biggest difference to mine (similar to tbt but with writing). You have to do it every day and complete the book for it to be effective.
We marked rewards every so many pages with stickers then a big treat as say 20 pages where they picked a family movie or dinner of their choice etc.

Audiobooks are amazing. I still read every night to my 12 yr old who is dyslexic

I would also recommend a specialist tutor. Our DD is dyslexic, and she got very frustrated with us trying to work with her, to the point she refused to read and write. Within a few weeks of starting, the tutor ‘unlocked’ something, and DD started to read and write. It’s still hard work for her, and she will always struggle with spelling, but she now enjoys it and will put effort into it.
The tutor still works with her, she is absolutely amazing, it’s the highlight of DD’s week. And I’m so happy that DD is keen on books!

Heading into high shcool look at resources.
Mine used a reader pen that reads text to them
One has a laptop as he can touch type with excellent software.
Most importantly mine have 1:1 assistants who can write for them if need be, write in homework diaries etc
Homework my dc will use dictation software to do long pieces of written work and we write on it that they ised docatatuon software

Make it interesting. Doing word hornet or wasp mine used different media to write on so electronic tablet of temu, whiteboard sheets that stick on most surfaces, chalk outside (well hidden on our patio)

You say his hearing has been checked but has he been checked for auditory processing disorder? With this there is nothing wrong with the actual hearing but the way their brain processes sounds mixes up some of the information and it can make it very difficult to break words into smaller parts etc. The test can be done through the NHS but it needs hospital equipment. Audiology IIRC.

Secondly as he is autistic it is worth looking into Gestalt Language Processing - the science on this is a bit less settled but it seemed helpful to me.

My daughter is dyslexic. We started raising concerns with school about her falling behind when she was in Year 2 and were fobbed off, we then went and got her a tutor - best decision we ever made/best money spent. She is now in Year 5 and still works with the tutor, doing so well! That lady has managed to ‚unlock‘ something, DD loves working with her. School eventually clocked that DD was struggling and have been very good at supporting her. We also got an official diagnosis as soon as she was old enough to be assessed.

She is now reading at expected standard and managing to keep up across the board.
Most importantly, DD loves school, loves reading and loves learning. She will never be able to spell, but she now has been taught so many coping mechanisms and how to apply them.

would you consider a tutor? I would also request a detailed meeting with school to discuss what they can do to support your son. You don’t have to do everything yourself OP - we found that DD responded so much better to others than us 😆

You haven't failed him. Thriving on social interaction and being in mainstream school all through his primary education is a huge achievement as it is with his diagnosis.
There are people who will never learn to read fluently, not due to failure of parents or education, but because we are all individuals with different strengths and needs. I think the focus needs to be on tools that will support him where he is at. Children can have a TA or technology to read for them if they are unable to, this will enable him to access the curriculum the same as other pupils. Is anything like that already in place? What are the LA saying about a secondary school placement?