Why do some people think they can take it with them?

[applesandpinkoranges]

I have an elderly family member who lives a very frugal life, and is scared of using things like the tumble dryer or turning the heating on because of cost. But she has more than £200k in savings and has a monthly income of more than £4.5k (after tax) from pensions. And yet she is obsessed with money and terrified of running out of money.

She’s not the first person I’ve known like this, but I don’t understand this mentality - scrimping and saving in your last years and living in discomfort when you can’t take it with you. I understand being careful with money (I am), but the only big expense she would be saving for now is care, but she’s said she doesn’t want to go into a care home so I doubt that’s in her financial plans.

If I was 90 odd and had the money I would be using it to enjoy the end of my life. She doesn’t have children or grandchildren so leaving an inheritance isn’t in her mind either.

You might be very surprised to learn the cost of care when you want to stay in your own home too.

It's eyewatering.

Either way, some elderly people just can't get out of the habit of being frugal and if that's how they prefer to live, fair play to them.

Well I'm of the generation where we didn't have spare money and of necessity had live quite frugally and watch every penny.
And if you are brought up like that it is a way of life. It's a very hard habit to break.

It's not a question of " wanting to take it with you". It's a question of always wanting to make sure you have the money there to pay your way and for emergencies etc. You remember the time when you didn't have a cushion of savings and the worry of not having enough never leaves you.

I agree.
I am all for being prudent. But there comes a point where extreme frugality is a vice not a virtue.

My friend lives in a large house, mortgage free and six figure savings and a decent pension. Yet her children have never had a birthday party, or a friend round for tea, or a holiday or been on a day trip. And she crows about that like she's some kind of financial genius

Oh yeah and she spends the evenings sat in the cold and dark to save money on bills.

I have tried telling her, after her daughter asked me to ,but she doesn't want to listen

My sister in law has always been like this. She will not eat anything out of the house, she once walked back home an hour away from where we'd travelled to because she had forgotten her sandwich and wouldn't buy one. She is massively wealthy. I just don't understand it but I think it makes her happy to be so tight.

peoples propensity to spend money isn’t always proportionate to how wealthy they are. Some people have little money and spend it all plus max out the credit cards. Some people are objectively very comfortable but struggle to spend. It’s not about logic it’s about who we are and what our attitude to money is like.

I don’t disagree but if you’d lived that way for 80 odd years it’s a hard habit to break. It also gets harder to spend as you get older, a lot of people stop travelling, rarely go out etc. If she’s happy as she is, who are you to judge?

I often find the wealthy but tight people are quite happy to let the poorer people pay for.things for them, such as the CF friends.... the parents who won't pay for outside support...

It’s an ingrained habit. They wouldn't know how to live any other way.

Savings of £200k would last her about 18 months to 3 years paying for care in her own home. It's insanely expensive and not really cheaper than going into residential care, once you factor in cleaners, food, and general overheads of keeping a house running. These days people can live to 100. So she may be saving for when she needs care over a number of years later in life.

I can’t bring myself to waste money on trivia. I’d rather my children have it

But staying warm enough isn't "trivia" .

Meanness is a disease.

Not me. I intend to spend the lot on having a bloody good time while I am still able to appreciate it. I won't skimp on heating etc. either. Life can be over in a split second, wring every drop of enjoyment and comfort out of it while you can.

Well you are not 90 and so you can’t say how you will spend your money . Wait till the time comes .

I have been through times where the only edible thing I’ve had in the cupboards are onions. I managed to make a soup out of onions and stock to avoid going hungry. It’s hard to let go of that mentality afterwards, even when you have money.

Enough time has passed since then and I will now buy some branded food items, and indulge on a daily coffee bought out. But I still feel sick inside when I buy clothes or makeup, or anything outside of basic necessities for myself. I know I don’t overspend and I can afford it, but I doubt myself because what if I accidentally overspend and then have nothing left at the end of the month? What if I have to go back to that feeling of panic I used to endure on an almost daily basis about money?

I’m on an average income and I still have to be practical with money, but I’m not sure I’d be any different with 200k in the bank because of my past.