Partner's intrusive thoughts mildly concern me

[Kate8889]

My partner sometimes (once a year or so) will share an intrusive thought with me, being sure to tell me it's an intrusive thought and not something he'd actually do.

These thoughts are pretty dark, and he does this as a way to I guess marvel at how odd the brain can be.

Would this bother you?

No.

Can you give an example?

His brain is giving him scenarios of harming others, including loved ones at times, where someone harms him and he responds violently x10, but sometimes random other things also.

My partner has done this before, but it's usually been intrusive thoughts about harming himself rather than others. Interested to hear others experiences. He's very self aware about them and is not suffering from any mental illness (I don't think!), they tend to be triggered by sleep deprivation rather than emotional stress.

I wasn't sure until you gave your example OP but reading that then yes I would be very worried.

If he is having intrusive thoughts about harming people, especially those close to him, I would be worrying about his mental health and also worrying for my own safety.

Has he talked to a medical professional about these intrusive thoughts?

I have the same problem op but mine are not once a year its every day.

The thing about intrusive thoughts are that they are the worst thing your brain can imagine. So people often have intrusive thoughts about paedophilia - that doesn't mean they actually want to act on these thoughts, they are horrified and distressed by them. In the same way, someone I knew was a strong Christian who had OCD and their intrusive thoughts were along the line of 'I hate God', which to them was very distressing.

So I wouldn't be concerned about your partner's thoughts, if they are intrusive thoughts - the fact he has them doesn't mean he would act on them.

It wouldn’t concern me, no. I get them frequently too. I believe there is some evidence that it’s your brain coming up with what would horrify you the most, so it’s something you definitely wouldn’t do.

google it, it’s all quite interesting! I get violent ones but also the ones say being in a quiet place like the theatre - what if I just started shouting really loudly. Noooo!

It depends on whether it bothers him.
Is he distressed by these thoughts?
Are they accompanied by any type of compulsions, mental or physical? Because that could be OCD and that would worry me very much for him.

If it's just an overactive imagination that he feels the need to share, that would not bother me at all.

People who have these thoughts are very unlikely to actually act on them

Well actually since I posted I've had a wee look and I see there is actually a name for this : Harm OCD.
And that as you say, the person is not likely to act on these thoughts.

I have a long standing phobia of using sewing needles because I have an overwhelming fear that I'm going to deliberately poke myself in the eye with the needle and blind myself. And a fear of walking over bridges because I'm frightened I won't be able to stop myself jumping off the bridge to my death. From what I've just read it would appear these thoughts fall into the category of Harm OCD. I had absolutely no idea. I don't know whether I'm reassured about being told I'm unlikely to do these things because I take great care not to do them though, because the fear of actually doing them is very real.

From what I know intrusive thoughts signify the exact opposite of who you really are/what you would really do and aren't reflective of truth at all so no I wouldn't worry unless he'd actively enjoying having them or something sinister like that

I have experienced this! I have had OCD for years and it is debilitating and hard to manage. The thoughts are the opposite of what you want, it’s what you least want to do. When I have these thoughts, I’m often confessing or panicking and that’s a sign that it’s not what I want! When I’m overtired or stressed they are elevated. I also tell my partner if these thoughts come and he knows it’s not me, it’s OCD! In a way though it can be best to try to accept the thoughts and not ‘confess’ them as it can make the OCD worse.

I wouldn’t worry too much OP, it is definitely an OCD thing. Of course you know him better than us so if it is a concern you’re allowed to feel that!

Look at the obsession wheel by OCD doodles, it talks about a lot of thoughts

I've been troubled with intrusive thoughts for years. Sometimes they involve harming or killing myself in various ways, or doing the same to people who I love, including DH. I know that I would never actually do any of these things, but the thoughts just suddenly pop into my head uninvited and it's really horrible.
It took me a very long time to pluck up the courage to tell DH about this, and I'm so glad that I finally did because we can now talk freely about my vile imaginings, and even laugh about them sometimes. It has helped me so much to be able to share this with him.
Please support your partner. Believe it or not it's actually good that he trusts you enough to share his dark intrusive thoughts with you.

This is a first on Mumsnet. Disagree with someone and they go “oh actually; yeah , you were right”

but seriously, I have OCD and I was terrified I would do something awful. The psychologist I seen explained that I probably wouldn’t.

Loads of people have intrusive thoughts every day.
Dosent mean they are going to act them out.

I have started having these since the menopause . Im sure i would not act on them. They are horrible. When I told doctor he did not question me further nor seem surprised.

I get these at times.
For me, it was unprocessed childhood trauma.
The intrusive thoughts were actually cPTSD flashbacks to the abuse my parents did to me when I did the same/similar as one of my children.

Faced with the same situation, only with roles reversed, I’d briefly have a thought to do it to my child,
If it were really bad, I’d have to walk away and take a break, I’d be shaking and feel muddled up.
It took awhile to realise the link. Before I was convinced the thoughts were my own rather than intrusive and felt like the worst mother to even think it.

Another person who’s had them for nearly 30 years, with diagnosed OCD.

Mine started when I was pregnant with my eldest and then intensified when I split with his dad. They came out of nowhere and it was horrific. Mine were mostly harm ones. I was convinced I was going to hurt my son and I was so, so frightened. Frightened of it coming true, frightened of what it meant I was and frightened of telling anyone in case my baby was taken from me and I was sent to prison.

I remember plucking up the courage to go to the doc’s (on the day of Diana’s funeral - when you could still get appts on a Saturday morning). He fobbed me off with Proxac and told me ‘everyone was feeling rubbish at the minute’. I don’t know how I survived the next few days because I was in a constant state of panic. I did though and then plucked up the courage to go again and saw a better, female doctor who was great. She changed me to a low dose of Amitriptylene and arranged for therapy. I eventually got officially diagnosed through a psych appt.

I’ve had ups and downs over the years with it but the more I learn that I’m not the only one and that it’s quite common, the easier it becomes.

I’ve had these before too, some of the scenarios my mind brought up were horrifying. But they were the exact opposite of any desire.

I told DH about them and he suggested they probably had an instinctive survival purpose. Sometimes when my kids were babies the thoughts came about harming them, and they were distressing, but it made me uber protective and careful around them.

I recently read about the call of the void- fascinating stuff, and to be honest I’m glad I’m not alone in these thoughts because they can be distressing and as a sufferer you begin to question the terrible stuff your mind comes up with!

Maybe let your partner voice that he has had an intrusive thought without the graphic details? Talking out loud about the thoughts helped me to lessen their impact, but I chose my audience carefully- DH is really interested in psychology but my mum would be horrified if I confided in her about them.

I have regular intrusive thoughts though mine aren’t about hurting people, but everyone’s are different. I think the fact he is being open with you is a good thing.

If you don't want to hear about these thoughts - perfectly understandably - I think you should tell your partner and he should respect that.

As others are saying, intrusive thoughts in themselves are quite normal and most of the time nothing to worry about unless they are distressing to the person experiencing them. That doesn't mean I'd like to hear about someone else's.

My background is also as an someone with OCD. From reading about the condition, participating in group therapy and my own experience over the years, I can say it's quite possible to have intrusive thoughts of various types without OCD and also to have OCD without intrusive thoughts of harm. I'm 'normal' when it comes to thoughts of harm as I have them but they flit through my mind easily enough. Contrast with intrusive thoughts about checking things or doing them in a certain order, thoughts which have had a very bad impact on my life at times. So, whether this is something to worry about or not is down to how this is affecting your partner.

Either way, though, you're quite entitled to say you don't want to hear the specifics if you find them unpleasant!

How do you know?

Ooh tricky

Me and my DD get violent intrusive thoughts. We would never act on them but some of them do make us laugh out loud because their so ridiculous

Is he concerned he will act them out?