Why Am I Resisting What I Have?

[NewAtThisSingleStuff]

Hello,

I am worried that I resist the good things in my life. I am not sure if I have bad habits or am just ungrateful, and I'm really trying to change.
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I'm a single parent with more than 50% custody and I largely work from home
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I feel I creep to the pub (when I am not parenting) to get a bit of socialisation / ambience after a long week. My finances could live without this, and I have a lovely house which, if I'm honest, could be cosier but is a new-ish build and I've done my best with - it is by no means unpleasant to be in.

I have a lovely dog who I love walking and cuddling, but who isn't that bothered about cuddling me.

Gently, I just ask what your tips for staying in and enjoying your space are. I have all of the component parts, I am just not quite clicking with it. What makes you cosy? What makes you happy to be home?

I am probably slightly lonely, which is kind of ok whilst I can't change it, but I'd be interested in hearing your perspectives.

Not sure what you're asking exactly OP - is it how to feel more satisfied with your life? If you think company is missing, then do you have the time to explore a hobby? Local dog walking groups, special interests of yours etc.?
I find gratitude lists every morning help if I wake up in a bad mood....

Thank you, I appreciate your message. I'm not sure what I'm asking for either - I have a job that is not bad at all, enjoy my dog and parts of my life. Maybe just looking forward to coming home of an evening? Could be a bit cosier? Could have more to do on the nights DD isn;t there and everything is done?

I think you’ve got two questions in here - one about interior decor and one about how you feel about your life.

Fairy lights, blankets, and walls painted warm and deep colours with large paintings/posters/etc hung so the centre is at eye level, will help with coziness of the space. But if you’re avoiding being home alone because you miss DD, feel lonely, or time just seems to pass very slowly, that sounds very understandable. It’s ok to acknowledge the harder stuff and it doesn’t necessarily make you ungrateful for the good stuff. The hard bits and the good bits in life never seem to me to cancel eat other out - life’s complicated and the good and bad somehow sit alongside each other, each in the intensity and fullness of their own nature.

I think it's natural to be thinking along these lines at this time of year, with the nights getting longer.
I've just come home from a big dog walk, put meal prepped food on to heat, and flopped on sofa, going to watch more of my history show in a moment (after some housework...however much I have energy for).

Why do you think you don't enjoy coming home as much as you could? Is there nothing particularly you enjoy at home?

For me, for example, my place is a hellhole currently (not renovated, only cosy in partocular spots) i enjoy my kitchen, my TV, my books, my bath, the lamp I splashed out on, my new furniture etc.

I don't think you sound at all ungrateful OP. I think you've got into the habit of making life lovely for your DD and need to relearn (or even learn) to do that for you.

You mention missing your daughter when she's not there and your dog not being a cuddler. This might sound naff, but could you make your house give you a hug and provide the ambience you look for in the pub?

I've just lived in a renovation project for a year and did all the work myself so had to camp in the mess. I've lived and slept in one room mostly whilst I did this and I got very good at making a nest for myself. Nice music, good food ready to go, a lovely warm bath, a nice TV show lined up, lush handcream and a pile of books beside the bed, candles, fairy lights, lamps - definitely not the Overhead Light of Misery! Colourful things, plants, flowers, photos of people and dogs I love doing fun stuff.

Working from home might make it feel like your workplace and not home. Can you make a clear distinction between the work bit of your day and house and the time when it just becomes home? Close the door on the room you work in or put your laptop and stuff away. Straight out for a lovely dog walk, a bath with a book and scented bubbles, music on, comfy clothes to change into, calling someone you love whilst having a cuppa, something delicious in the oven and a film later.

Someone once said to me that developing a passion for a hobby was a key thing that made people happy. Is there something you used to enjoy doing at home that you don't do any more? An exercise class online? A craft perhaps? Getting back into the music you used to listen to when you were younger?

Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.