Shall I "tittle tattle" or not

[bluebell8329]

Just hoping for a bit of advice. My mam has Alzheimer's and my sister who is oldest out the three of us has LPA, long story as to why she has it and the other two of us don't but my mam agreed that she would like her to do this so me and my brother were happy to go along with it. Little did we know that there was an ulterior motive for this, or so we think.

Just for some context, my dad died over 4 years ago now and my mam had the house and a portion of his money that was left and the rest was split equally between the three children. My mam started to change and show signs of dementia and on assessment, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There was friction between the three of us and my sister got unbearable and was taking full control, refusing to let mam move into a care home even though she has more than enough money to fund herself. My sister was verbally and physically abusive towards my brother and I. Social services intervened and she is now in a care home, much to my sister's disappointment. While I was sorting the paperwork out with the social worker, we were doing a financial assessment and going through the bank statements and I uncovered a bank account we didn't know about, in my mam's name but with a substantial amount of money in it. After some digging it transpired that it belonged to my sister, the inheritance from our dad, she's been keeping it in a bank account belonging to my mam all the while she's been claiming from the DWP, for whatever she can get, JSA, PIP but had over £20K (undeclared) sitting there the whole time.

I've kept quiet about it, other than telling my brother, just so not to rock the boat but this week we attempted to as her to get some bits for our mam's room and clothes, as she is LPA and she went crazy at us, said she doesn't need to be told what our mam needs as she is the main carer and told us we can only go once a week to see our mam when she isn't there. My brother wants to contact the DWP or OPG about her, while I still don't want to cause any trouble.

Any thoughts?

unless you want your sister to go no contact with you for the rest of your lifes, dont do this. Just dont.

i disagree with the first op. I am sick to death of people saying it’s none of our business when benefit fraud is taking place

The country is going to shit, why should people continue to defraud the benefit system! It’s wrong it’s as simple as that.

Yes I would report, you can provide details of the monies your father had left via probate and the will, the DWP can then ask her what she did with the money and as she can’t provide receipts you can prove it’s in the account in your mums name

Shes an adult, she is aware there are consequences to every action, she chose to defraud, she accepts the consequences

I don’t think it’s tittle tattle - it’s reporting benefit fraud which costs the taxpayer billions over time. It would rupture the relationship irreparably as no doubt she would guess it was you/your brother who informed on her. But if you’re happy for that relationship to end then I wouldn’t think twice. This is not shoplifting a bottle of formula to feed your baby territory, this is deliberate fraud.

Is she actually using the money?

this is going to come back to bite her in the arse.

when your dm dies that becomes part of the estate and will have to be declared on the IHT 400 forms and technically will belong to all 3 of you unless dsis owns up to it. It could get quite messy.

Why on earth would OP not want this? The sister sounds absolutely ghastly!

That’s what I was thinking. It’s a mess. Is this money being included in OP’s mum’s assessment as to whether she has to self fund her care? Is it going to get spent? Then is the sister going to try and get £20k extra inheritance from eg the house sale, as a way to compensate?

PIP isn't means tested so that doesn't affect it.

I'd leave her to it. Either it'll be spent on care home fees or split between the 3 of you in the inheritance.
I would just keep an eye on bank balances to make sure your sister isn't spending any of the money on herself.

Surely it will look like that money is your mum’s so will be used for her care costs? If you try to give it to your sister, won’t it look like you’re trying to give away your mums money so she qualifies for support? Does your sister have proof it’s hers? Are you sure it definitely is hers?

Your mother has a degenerative condition, confined to a care home for the rest of her life.

And the focus of one of her children is getting one over her other child, and causing very serious issues for her.

Your mother agreed to it.

It is wrong but seems a bizarre and mean focus at this time

My brother wants to contact the DWP or OPG about her, while I still don't want to cause any trouble.

Uou specifically told your brother because you knew this would be his reaction. So yes, you did want o cause trouble.

4 adults, none of whom remotely come across as pleasant.

How on earth would you even prove it was your sister’s.

A taxpayer wouldn’t be of the same opinion….report her, if she goes no contact all the better, she would be of no loss, it’s benefit fraud and ALL who are doing it should be reported, why should innocent people be working and paying taxes that go towards people like this, I don’t want any portion of my hard earned money ( taxes) to go towards funding criminals lives

Pause

How will the OP prove this? It is a bank account on her mother’s name

you do realise it will form part of her inheritance and be split 3 ways in all likelihood op

Now isn't the time to report the money - that's when your mum is running out, or after she dies and your sister tries to hide it from the estate division. ATM she's doing nothing wrong as it's your mums money sat in your mums account. There's only an issue when your sister tries to deprive your mum or her estate of it

If she's actively not acting in your mums best interests in terms of not purchasing things she needs then you could try and have her removed as POA. It's not an easy process though

Please report.

This!! No way to prove it’s hers. The care home will assume it your mothers ans will form part of her estate

PIP isn't means tested so she could be a billionaire and still claim.

If the bank account is in your mum's name then legally the money belongs to her. Your sister saying it's her money, well that's up for debate and there's no proof.

So I wouldn't bother telling the DWP she's cheating benefits. But I would stand by the fact that if it's in your mum's name it's hers, and your sister can say what she wants but it doesn't make it true.

If she’s committing benefit fraud, I’d be wary of any other dodgy dealings, with her being the one who holds the power of attorney. And, yes, I think you should report her.

Fraud is a crime.

Decide whether you want to report a crime or ignore.

I would be doing my best to be added as POA so she can’t swindle you out of money. She sounds wily.

For your mum’s sake I would tell
your sister you know and then threaten to report her unless she gives up the POA in favour of you and your brother (or all three of you) and removes the money from the account. And make sure she is not the sole executor as well. It doesn't sound like she is looking after your mother well and this is a way to make sure your mother gets the right care.

Obviously the OP has to have enough evidence and know that the money actually belongs to her sister……that goes without saying ! 🤷‍♀️

Too late

her mother has lost capacity to authorise this

Who is your mums executor for her will?

Surely the money should be used towards her care now. Your sister was squirrelling it away to keep it out of the estate or assets - whether with your mums consent or not.

I don’t think anyone can prove it was your sister’s to use for her own benefit right now, so ‘reporting’ her is pointless. Or do you mean she colluded with your mum beforehand in deprivation of assets? If so you need to tell social services about it.