Birthday disappointment

[BirthdaysOver]

I don't ever post on AIBU but I think I may need the brutality.

It was my birthday yesterday. I have been with my partner for 15 years, over the years due to our birthdays being very close together he will book time off work. This is the first year that he hasn't. I would like to add that I have no interest in getting married and would rather the fact we aren't married wasn't a focus here.

I have had his gifts stowed away under my bed for months, I won't say how much I've spent as it's really not the point but I made him a small list (less than £20) of some things he could get me.

He didn't even get me a card. He has 2 days off a week, my birthday fell on the 2nd day. On the 1st he was gone all day and I suspected he may have been shopping for a gift. That obviously wasn't the case.

I had also bought myself some gifts to me, from me which I had asked him to box up so I could open them.

Yes I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I had a very abusive neglectful childhood and like to feel a little spoiled sometimes even if it is from myself!

Well despite me leaving all the gifts still in their boxes and assembled the gift box beside it he had to put them in, he didn't do it. I wasn't asking him to wrap them or display them pretty I literally wanted him to remove them from the shipping packaging and put them into a large box.

I don't have any contact with my family and my friendships are very casual so I woke up with not even one card or gift to open. Yes I know it's a bit pathetic to feel sad about something so silly but I really do feel so upset about it. AIBU to feel this gutted?

It’s not pathetic at all. I literally have a ‘birthday month’ every year. I never had the confidence in my teens and 20s to even have a party on my birthDAY, but now, in my 30s, I have several celebrations, with different groups of friends. As well as a holiday in the month, a spa day, as many raves as I can fit in, and yes, lots of presents (most of which I buy myself!). Luckily DP is on board with the madness haha. I could not be with a man who didn’t take birthdays seriously.

You need to make it clear to your DP what you expect for your birthday, although it sounds like this year he was particularly low effort? Any reason for this? How is the relationship otherwise?

There's nothing wrong with buying yourself birthday gifts - I do that too! Spoiling yourself is very healthy and normal, especially if you had a difficult childhood because it shows you have learned how to value yourself.

But what is up with your DP? You need to have a chat with him because this is not okay. Either something traumatic happened this week (that you don't know about yet), or he needs a kick up the arse.

Has he had his birthday yet, or are his gifts still stowed under the bed?

There is NOTHING silly about it.

There's nothing wrong with being upset.

What's wrong is that you didn't make it clear to him 14 years ago that you expected better. And that would include his thinking about you enough so that he doesn't have to be told what you'd like.

I really don’t care about my birthday that much tbh, a nice homemade card from DD, takeout of my choice and a drink and a movie with DH (I like to choose my own present so I get exactly what I want) keeps me happy.

However I absolutely don’t think yabu, this is important to you so it should be important to him. Can you you sit him down and explain how important it is to you? DH doesn’t always realise I need something from him until I verbalise it properly. I don’t always get it right with DH either.