To be happy not living together?

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I keep seeing comments on threads where a couple doesn’t live together like ‘he’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend’, or ‘he’s not committed to you if he’s not making plans to progress’ or ‘you can’t be that close if you don’t live together’.

i’ve been with my DP for a long time. We have a brilliant relationship. We talk multiple times a day, share the big stuff and the minutiae of our lives, love each other, never argue and look forward to seeing each other.

If he was desperate to live together I suppose I would, but he’s not, I’m not, so we aren’t going to. Is this so wrong? Should I be pushing for more?

We’re both late 30s if that makes any difference.

You do you sounds like you are both happy do you want to push for more?

comments on threads where a couple doesn’t live together like ‘he’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend’, or ‘he’s not committed to you if he’s not making plans to progress’ or ‘you can’t be that close if you don’t live together’.

I'd see that more as projecting than anything else. Dont give it any more thought

I've been with my dp for about 6 years now. We are both mid 40s.

I have absolutely no desire to move him in, I really can't imagine living with a man again.

Aside from anything else I absolutely hate his son, so we could never share a house as I wouldn't want his son in my home, and I couldn't live with someone and ban their child from being here.

We are happy as we are.

I could live apart from someone as long as it was otherwise a good relationship which sounds like yours is with lots of communication.

@TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun can I ask do you see a proper future for you and your dp if you hate his son? How old is he? I can understand feeling maybe ambivalent about someone’s child but actually hating them how can there be a future?

Nah mate. The second a man moves in and gets his feet under the table, he thinks the chase is over and you can kiss goodbye to all the effort, romance, thoughtfulness, dates, interesting conversation, and any other good bits of the relationship. Then, in a few years you'll have some bloke you barely recognise stinking up your house and demanding to know what's for dinner and why can't he find any clean socks?

Keep it fresh (the relationship and your home), by keeping your own places.

Sounds lovely. Don't do what society expects.

I'm the same but early stage considering moving it. Partner more interested in doing so than me.

My take is if it's not broken, why try fix it.

His son is mid 20s now.

I welcomed him initially, and we got along, then he decided he didn't like me or his mums partner, who he did live with, and did some evil things to me while I was going through cancer and treatment and made hellish time a million times worse. His behaviour at that time was such that he wasn't welcomed here, his Mum kicked him out, and his grandmother kicked him out too, so it wasn't just me.

He still has a relationship with dp, although it was very strained for a long time, but dp and I just never talk about his son now.

I'm happy enough, and we plan on staying together, but we won't live together or get married. I can have a future with dp just doing what we are doing at the minute.

I've been married 35 years happily but if anything were to happen and I found myself single again, I can't imagine wanting to live with another man or marry again. My children are grown up and I'm happy in my own company.

I know a lady who's had a partner for 40 years and is in her 70s now, they don't live together but see each other several times a week, have meals and holidays together, dog walks etc. They're very happy with how things are - they have companionship but also their own space.

Yeah, that’s what I like. We don’t get on each other’s nerves or ending up arguing about domestic chores or anything.