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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this child neglect

27 replies

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 18:40

I’ve changed names for privacy. I live on a lovely road, and a few houses down there’s a family with two children - a girl of about 11 and a younger boy, around 6. I’m increasingly worried about the little boy.

Our road is home to a large three-form entry primary school, so there’s usually a lot of traffic. Despite this, the boy is often outside playing on his own - scootering up and down, crossing the road by himself, and he’s been doing this since around the age of four. He’s often barefoot and I’ve even seen him standing at an upstairs window, which opens fully, with no safety precautions.

Just today I saw him walking around carrying a metal bedframe headboard. The family also has a large Rottweiler, who seems genuinely friendly, but the front door is often left wide open as the children run in and out and it often escapes! They sometimes play go-karts right in the middle of the road.

To be clear, the children appear healthy and happy. The little boy, in particular, is very confident - he’s been riding a bike from a very young age and often spends whole weekends outside on the street with other (mostly older) children. But given that this is not a quiet road, I do worry about his safety. They are a very chill family! But I worry one day what if the boy falls from the window and I said nothing. Cars are supposed to do 20mph but they don’t.

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stovokor · 24/09/2025 18:44

I think it depends if he is actully six. If he is and is playing daily in a busy road, then yes that is concerning.

But he might be nine/ten and look young for his age? At that age it’s unwise but I’m not sure about neglect.

ETA: I’m questioning his age because I can’t imagine a six year old managing to carry a metal headboard alone (and what was he doing with it? Sounds very bizarre)

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 18:45

Yes he is six. I know he is. Cos on our road whatsapp group his mum mentioned her kids ages.

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MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 18:47

The dad is a skater and likes to smoke weed but I know they are loving caring people. The kids Grandparents are often round, they seem happy kids. Just a bit of a relaxed parenting style.

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MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 18:47

It was outside someone’s house. Like a hollow metal headboard - I know cos the other neighbour asked on the group if someone wants it. The kid is a strong little thing!

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Calliopespa · 24/09/2025 18:50

I'd probably mention the window. They may not have thought of it if they have not seen him do it, and you are right: imagine if he fell.

The traffic thing is trickier because it's not like it isn't obvious.

Lalaloope · 24/09/2025 19:15

I think it's neglect at that age up to maybe 10 tbh but something tells me most people will come on the thread to say differently, and SS would also agree with them. I'd report it if only to keep the child safe but I'd be surprised if it gets anywhere.

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 19:36

This is the thing I wonder if it’ll get anywhere. Just seen him out now as it turns dark rolling a large log up and down the road and then playing on some metal thing. The parents are very relaxed. Who do I say the window thing to? Them directly it won’t go down well.

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IzzyBuzzy · 24/09/2025 19:52

I think different parenting styles have their pros and cons: the boy probably wouldn’t be so confident if his parents weren’t so chill and let him explore stuff and learn to assess and take risks. I would mind my own business - perhaps just mention the window issue to the parents themselves (they probably haven’t thought about it). A lot of us parents really fall in the opposite category nowadays: being overprotective and having a tendency of helicopter parenting.

Onlyinthrees · 24/09/2025 19:59

That doesn’t sound like enough to report them to anyone imho. Not if he’s otherwise cared for. Either say something to them directly or leave it is my advice. If you report it and it’s followed up on, they might guess it was you anyway.

Calliopespa · 24/09/2025 20:02

Onlyinthrees · 24/09/2025 19:59

That doesn’t sound like enough to report them to anyone imho. Not if he’s otherwise cared for. Either say something to them directly or leave it is my advice. If you report it and it’s followed up on, they might guess it was you anyway.

I agree op. I'd just mention the window.

Calliopespa · 24/09/2025 20:03

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 19:36

This is the thing I wonder if it’ll get anywhere. Just seen him out now as it turns dark rolling a large log up and down the road and then playing on some metal thing. The parents are very relaxed. Who do I say the window thing to? Them directly it won’t go down well.

I think its ok op. If you say it directly it seems more casual. Children get up to things. Could you say it - kindly - to the child himself if he's up and down the street with his logs and things? The main thing is he is alerted to the danger.

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 20:08

Oh ok. Yes I didn’t think it was enough, I agree he’s so confident because they are so relaxed but he is very cared for in that I know they are loved children. Yes it’s mainly the window thing so I will perhaps mention that cos what if something happened but he is so physically confident like I get the feeling he knows what he’s doing . But still it’s risky he could fall straight onto the driveway

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OhMelville · 24/09/2025 20:12

A child fell out of a window in my town at the weekend. They were airlifted to hospital with a fractured skull. Perhaps send a link of the news article as a warning? Very scary.

TheGrimSmile · 24/09/2025 20:14

I'd stay out of it. I think this is how kids used to play and I wouldn't get involved.

pregooolady · 24/09/2025 20:23

Message the mum about the window? some kids are street wise from a young age. I suppose it’s better than being poisoned on the screens. I live on a new build housing estate and there’s so many kids out playing as young as 4. Personally I wouldn’t let my 4 year old out as I’m anxious. I tend to keep out of peoples business but I would defo mention the window to the mum

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 21:31

It’s the busy road too esp the kids and the cars love speeding round the bend. It’s hard cos I grew up in an inner city area so my life was very different to my kids but our roads were much much quieter we could do double Dutch on the road, we’d go to the park on our own all the time. Always up to the shops.

I’ve seen him the six year old about half a mile away in the village centre sometimes (usually on his go kart) he’d have to take it across a busy road. I know for me in the 80s/early 90s we always knew the weirdo on the road and how to cross roads. I walked to school from the age of 8. But for this little boy I guess it’s not quite like that, a busy road, an open window, often bare footed, climbing walls etc. In some ways I admire how relaxed they are!

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Onlyinthrees · 24/09/2025 22:29

Out on his own a half a mile away is a bit different to the other things you mentioned.
What do you mean when you say talking to the parents won’t go down well?

FuzzyWolf · 24/09/2025 22:38

If he’s six and lives that close to a primary school, I would guess he goes there so perhaps have a chat with the head of safeguarding there.

MasterMind1982 · 25/09/2025 07:36

Onlyinthrees · 24/09/2025 22:29

Out on his own a half a mile away is a bit different to the other things you mentioned.
What do you mean when you say talking to the parents won’t go down well?

They are very short tempered over things - eg parking etc on the road. I don’t think they mean badly- just stressed out parents with young kids but do seem sensitive. Or perhaps a bit entitled. Yes I saw him in our village he would have had to cross one busy road to get there. I do not mean to drip feed my main concern was the window incident which I’ve seen twice now, the rest (playing at night) is ok, it does massively worry me regarding him playing on the road but he is out with older kids.

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SweatyBettyAgain · 25/09/2025 07:47

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 21:31

It’s the busy road too esp the kids and the cars love speeding round the bend. It’s hard cos I grew up in an inner city area so my life was very different to my kids but our roads were much much quieter we could do double Dutch on the road, we’d go to the park on our own all the time. Always up to the shops.

I’ve seen him the six year old about half a mile away in the village centre sometimes (usually on his go kart) he’d have to take it across a busy road. I know for me in the 80s/early 90s we always knew the weirdo on the road and how to cross roads. I walked to school from the age of 8. But for this little boy I guess it’s not quite like that, a busy road, an open window, often bare footed, climbing walls etc. In some ways I admire how relaxed they are!

Haha, you'd love to live opposite us... My child is ND and has been known to open a window wide and sit on the windowsill and throw toys out 😲 needless to say as soon as I realised I told him off. He did it maybe 4 or 5 times before he finally got the idea.
My children also play out the front barefoot with the neighbours kids and my son appears quite dysregulated because of being AuDHD. We are a middle class family in a home counties village. I dread to think how neighbours judge us, but they're just kids having fun and my child does well when they can be active and burn energy off. Better than sitting comatose infront of a screen.

Tessisme · 25/09/2025 07:51

I agree with other posters about drawing his parents’ attention to the window situation. My SIL had a knock on her door to say that her DS, who was about 7 at the time, was standing out on the upstairs windowsill. She nearly had a fit when she found out. She didn’t even realise he knew how to open the window, let alone that he would step out of it. It was part of a pattern of risky behaviour on his part - he was later diagnosed with ADHD.

MasterMind1982 · 25/09/2025 08:34

@SweatyBettyAgainthere might be ND, my eldest is Autistic and my youngest is AuDHD, PDA, Auditory processing and sensory difficulties so I am attuned to ND.

As long as the kids are safe, I’ll be sure to speak to them about the boy standing at the window. Thanks for the advice everyone.

also @SweatyBettyAgainwith you having ND children you’ll be sympathetic to some kids who do need screens. It’s not comatose for an ND child in particular to need screen.

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Calliopespa · 25/09/2025 09:55

MasterMind1982 · 24/09/2025 21:31

It’s the busy road too esp the kids and the cars love speeding round the bend. It’s hard cos I grew up in an inner city area so my life was very different to my kids but our roads were much much quieter we could do double Dutch on the road, we’d go to the park on our own all the time. Always up to the shops.

I’ve seen him the six year old about half a mile away in the village centre sometimes (usually on his go kart) he’d have to take it across a busy road. I know for me in the 80s/early 90s we always knew the weirdo on the road and how to cross roads. I walked to school from the age of 8. But for this little boy I guess it’s not quite like that, a busy road, an open window, often bare footed, climbing walls etc. In some ways I admire how relaxed they are!

Quite honestly, I don't see what there is to admire in being relaxed. I think there is too much emphasis on "the sooner the better" under the cover of "acquiring independence" or avoiding "helicopter parenting." But children come to us as babies for a reason. There's not much logic in throwing a baby in the water so it can swim aged 7.

Skills are best acquired in a moderated fashion.

MasterMind1982 · 25/09/2025 13:44

@Calliopespafair enough. I guess I admire they are not helicopter parenting - my kids seem happy enough in our garden going to the park etc. The parents can be performative at times … but they both seem to share a very laid back style of parenting. I don’t think the kids are unhappy. But perhaps not safe all the time

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MasterMind1982 · 25/09/2025 13:44

@Calliopespafair enough. I guess I admire they are not helicopter parenting - my kids seem happy enough in our garden going to the park etc. The parents can be performative at times … but they both seem to share a very laid back style of parenting. I don’t think the kids are unhappy. But perhaps not safe all the time

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