ex has moved on and i’m broken

[ralsta]

its only been 8 months. we were together for 10 years with 2 children. he really hurt me and did some awful things so it’s not about being jealous or wanting to get back together but i feel so hurt. i found out about his new girlfriend from someone screen shotting a photo she’d posted of them naked together (bits covered) but i was shocked. i asked him so many times if he was seeing anyone and he made me feel stupid and said i was making shit up. i just don’t understand why i feel so hurt?

i’ve just had a little breakdown in the kitchen whilst cooking my children their tea. i just feel thrown away, discarded. not a few months ago he was telling me he would die for us all

when will this start to feel easier?

any tips to get over someone and stop the hurt? i’m fed up of pretending im okay

Sending love and hugs 🫂

I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy.

When you say you asked him many times if he was seeing someone, do you mean when you broke up (and therefore if there was another woman) or since that point?

I am so sorry, it is really rough when you get news like this, because it knocks you back, regardless of how much time has elapsed since the break up. I know how you feel, I really do, my ex cheated on me with someone that we both worked with and then went to have a relationship with her for the next six months and although I didn't have to see him, she worked in office next to mine so I saw her constantly. But the day they 'went official' (at the company-wide Christmas party - thanks you pair of wankers) I went to the toilets to have a little cry and then told myself: "Arlanymor, you will NEVER feel worse about this than you do at the moment. Which means that in five minutes, you will feel a tiny bit better, in five weeks you will feel better still, and in five months you will be feeling much stronger." And it's true - you are in shock, he's lied to you and you've found out in a gross way (who even posts naked pictures of themselves in bed? Tacky much?) - but you will NEVER feel worse than you do right now. And in five minutes it will feel just a tiny bit less painful - I promise it will, as the information sinks in and your adrenaline levels subside a bit. From this point on things will get better, they will, I promise. And although you need to keep things steady for the children, you don't have to pretend with your friends and family, you can lean on them, talk things through, you don't have to do this alone. 💜

When did you ask him if he was seeing anyone? Before or after you separated?

PS. And while they might be in the first flush of lust at the moment - all of the shit behaviour he put you through, he will do to her as well. I cannot imagine that the leopard will have changed his spots in eight months. My ex and his girlfriend only lasted six months and when it ended I happened to bump into him in town and he said: "In case you didn't know, I just wanted to let you know that me and Pelican Face* have broken up." I said: "Oh" in an as neutral and disinterested tone as I could manage. Later that same week a mutual friend told me that it had been a bit of a stormy end... she threw all of his clothes out of the window and locked him out of the house. Shame eh?!

*Not her real name, but the name I used to call her in my head at the time as she had one of those chins that look a bit like a turkey wattle...

Men will never stop disgusting me

I am sorry op. Time will help, which doesnt sound like much now, but you will get through this. ❤️

I’m sure you do know why you feel so hurt - because he behaved like a twat when you thought you could trust him. Anyone would feel hurt, it sounds like he did a good enough job of making you doubt yourself, don’t do it to yourself too.

8 months is still early days, it’s time to nurture yourself and celebrate your strength, because you’re fucking awesome and if he can’t see that, it’s his problem. You are going to be OK, you will have good and bad times but you will be OK xx

So sorry, OP. ❤

He's clearly a twat and not worthy of you if he's been lying about seeing someone. I've always found that inner rage helps dissipate the hurt, but I appreciate that may not be for everyone.

Be kind to yourself, and take advantage of any RL support from friends and family.

so in answer, we kind of split with the ‘i’ll change and sort myself out and see where we are’ from him. he’s a big drinker, had attempted to be unfaithful multiple times and blamed it on his alcohol and drug abuse (hence me knowing for certain no now that i’ll never go back for mine and my kids sake)

after we split i noticed a certain girl liking a lot of photos and he’d all of a sudden as if overnight stopped trying so hard with me and the kids. i asked him if he was seeing her, he said not at all nothing like that etc. then when me and the kids moved out her car was seen at the house (that i still own with him, that the naked selfies were taken in) and my old neighbour said she’d seen it there a few times. so i asked again and he denied it again, this time he told me i was ‘making shit up’ so i thought gosh im going mad. then over the weekend more has come out and i was sent the selfies of them. so i went to the old house to pack up all of my stuff because the thought of them shagging in the house when i still have things there just made me feel weird. when there i noticed a post it note that said ‘i love you’ not in his writing, so i know it’s been going on for a long long time. you wouldn’t say that after a couple of weeks. he’s currently annoyed at me because i had a go at him for basically gaslighting me yet again and lying to me. i just thought he’d respect me enough to tell me the truth