Breast cancer clinic - a problem shared or keep schtum?

[makemineadoubleshot]

Jeez - just read this back and didn't mean for it to be so long sorry!

Basically, I am one of those people that worry about everyone else but not myself - and will be attending my appointment alone, but I'd like to know if the consensus is that AIBU to share ahead of appointment or AIBU to keep schtum?

Basically I returned to my GP on Monday following a check up I'd had a while ago as the problem has become significantly worse. I don't have a lump but I do have other symptoms that apparently warrant the 2 week wait on suspected breast cancer. I didn't expect to be put on the 2ww but GP was quite calm but stern with me, and referred me to 'rule out anything nasty'. I got a referral date within 24 hours and my appointment at the breast clinic is on Friday. So a four day wait is damn impressive.

I've been advised it'll take a good few hours and I'm happy to attend alone. My husband asked if I'd like him to come with me, but he'd lose a days wage so I said thanks but no thanks, and I'm hoping I come out with the all clear anyway.

BUT - I just cannot stop thinking about it! It's like the 'C' word is constantly going round in my head! I'm parenting as normal, I'm working as normal, I put on an Oscar winning performance at a meeting today … but my thoughts are driving me mad!

Statistically I'll be ok, I don't have a lump (although it feels a bit solid behind my nipple but I have v small boobs so could be muscle?) the only real issue I have is a bizarre bright orange discharge that started a while back but is now worse and drips (!) first thing in the morning and at night and stains my clothes.

So - do I just keep this to myself, go and hope for the best? Or do I share with my mum and sister-in-law who I'm really close to?

AIBU to share: Am I being selfish by wanting to get it out of my head (ultimately wanting them to tell me it'll be ok etc) plus by telling them am I just causing worry potentially over nothing - plus everyone has their own stuff to deal with and it's less than two days away so just keep quiet?

AIBU to keep schtum: IF there is anything to worry about will they wish I'd pre-warned them? And if the boot was on the other foot I'd want them / my kids / friends to confide in me

I just can't decide but my gut says just don't say anything, tell them afterwards when I hopefully have good news, and tell them to check themselves as the process is really quick if they do ever find anything! (if you've read this - please check yourself!)

I’m glad you had your mum with you - I think sometimes we can put a brave face on etc but actually we all need someone else to give us a hand hold at times.

I have everything crossed for you!

Thankyou for the update, I was wondering how you got on.

Sending you strength and best wishes whilst you're waiting on the results.

Having worked in a breast cancer clinic I would suggest you have someone with you, even if it’s mainly to drive you there and back.
If there is anything even slightly suspicious they may take samples there and then and you will just be better off with some support and not having to try to drive yourself.

Sorry I didn’t read the full thread before posting!
I’m glad you had the support with you in the end and hope someone will be with you for your results as either way it takes it toll.
Wishing you all the best and hoping for a positive update soon.

Do what’s best for you. I told my husband and one friend, both offered to come with me - I said no but appreciated the offers. While at the clinic most women seemed to be there on their own. Possibly because the most likely outcome is good news (which I had). For a follow up is being someone. Good luck!

Oops, missed the update! Hope you get good news soon.

I attended alone as I was fully expecting to be told it was nothing. When they told me they suspected cancer the first thought I had was that I should have had my DH there with me and I’m not usually one to drag him along to things like that. It’s shocking news to get alone.

I'm one year post cancer treatment.
I found a lump and was referred to the hospital clinic where they did a biopsy.
The staff were lovely but the 2 week wait was really tough.
Didn't have anyone with me on my 1st appointment but my adult son came with me for the results and I was glad he was there.
BTW if you do get a confirmation of cancer there is an excellent support thread under General Health on Mumsnet.

Glad you had your Mum with you for support @makemineadoubleshot

In case it helps, feel free to join our ongoing thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/cancer/5311885-likely-breast-cancer-after-ultrasound-thread-2?page=17&reply=147456832
We know how horrible the time waiting for results is!

Hope your news is positive 💐

Thanks once again for all being so kind and for sharing your experiences - strength back to you all in bucket loads!

I read the post about mumsnet not being the same as it was years ago, and although it has changed, I'm glad to see the good hearted people are still on here :o)

I'm going to sit on my hands and wait now, but I will post the outcome whatever.

Catch up soon x

I went for my appointment yesterday and it was extremely thorough. Unfortunately I had a biopsy. I have calcifications and they wanted to check the new ones were benign. It was quite uncomfortable and a bit painful but I'm okay. I went alone because of family circumstances and I didn't mind that. A friend did offer but she implied I would be driving us both there and that wasn't my plan! I went by train and walked to the clinic. I have a couple of weeks before my results. The clinic experience was very thorough. It was also very busy and there were many women there alone, like me. It's a sobering thought that a number of us there would get bad news. My good wishes to anyone who is on this pathway

Hi,

Just updating for anyone following this that is going through the same thing. So my results were taking a while, I chased the clinic and they booked me in for a phone call for results today. I've been over the moon thinking they can't possibly give bad news over the phone... and although I'm relieved I've not been given bad news, I'm still not dancing in celebration as I just thought I'd be discharged today and I've not been just yet.

The biopsy they took from the lesion they found in my duct was ok (yeah!) but they want to remove it to be on the safe side. My consultant said he'll put the request through today, I'll have it vacuumed out within two weeks and my results a week after that.

He said hopefully it'll show nothing sinister but we can discuss that once it's been done.

Feeling a bit wobbly as I thought I'd be discharged today, but still positive as it sounds like they're just removing it to be on the safe side.

I'll update in a few weeks when I know more.

Thanks all and keep smiling :o) x

I was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly four years ago. What you choose to do is absolutely up to you - you don’t need to be pressured by other people’s expectations. In my case I chose not to tell anyone until I knew exactly what was involved and felt comfortable answering their questions. I also preferred to go to appointments by myself, and I also asked for some results to be gives by phone although the advice is always to receive them face to face. I’m on annual monitoring now, and still don’t tell anyone about my annual mammogram until I have the results.
The important thing is to what makes you feel most comfortable.

I had the 'C' word back in 2003. And I am fine!

I had a mammogram and US scans at the breast clinic where they couldn’t spot anything and decided we should watch and wait, then six months later I was still getting discharge so I had a ‘total duct excision’ (which sounds drastic but is a really small operation!) so they could take a proper look and do a biopsy on the duct tissue they removed - that was how they diagnosed the papilloma.

All good now - the operation wasn’t a big deal and the only visible sign of the surgery is scar around the bottom half of my nipple which has already faded so much that it’s barely noticeable.

Really sorry you're going through this. I didn't tell anyone other than my OH and he was in a different country at the time. I didn't tell my parents as I knew that they would be really worried but also wouldn't be able to keep that worry away from me, if you see what I mean. I was staying at them with the time with my baby as on holiday in the UK.

Mine was done privately as I wasn't entitled to NHS at the time due to living abroad so I was only 2 days from initial appointment to biopsy result. Due to a mix up at the clinic I was given the result over the phone which I was actually grateful for as I wouldn't have wanted to travel from London to my parents alone having just been told I had bc.

I think basically what I'm saying is, do what is right for you. If you feel you need the extra support then tell them but if you think it will add to your worry then don't. I'm sure if it were the other way round and they either did or didn't tell you, you would understand.

Sorry, hadn't read your update! All sounds very positive, hope you've had good news by now.

Hi!

Glad they got you sorted and all ok!

I can't remember where I got up to... but I got my results last week and it's good news!

I had a biopsy which came back looking ok but my consultant said it was a B3 lesion which meant he wanted to check it was indeed benign and nothing had been missed.

I went back in for a vacuum assisted excision and then had to wait for the final results. Which I sat down for, but he grinned from ear to ear to tell me it was indeed benign and I can sit back and relax now. I won't have any more poking around until I hit the UK mammogram call up age - but I'll continue to check regularly over the coming years as the process was super speedy and the teams involved were just angels!

All I physically have to show for it now is a tiny incision and a puckered bit of skin where they removed it - but I don't think anyone would notice but me.

I was positive throughout - mainly for the family that knew - but I can't lie, it's been a very stressful time inside my head!

I hope this brings hope to anyone reading this in the same position, and for those who don't get the same outcome as me I wish you every ounce of strength on your journey to recovery and beyond.

Much love

x

I'm really glad you got good news. You can relax now. I had good news too. After multiple mammograms, an ultrasound and then a biopsy, the results were clear. I go back in three years.