Are these men just desperate for a relationship?

[GreyIsGone]

I’m mid 30s and single, I had a couple of men over the summer constantly message me, invited me on dates etc and I just never got round to meeting them due to childcare and to be honest just not being that bothered. I’ve noticed within weeks of the last kind of contact I had with them both are “in a relationship” on Facebook, complete with happy smiling photos as though they’re loved up. If I was their girlfriend I’d feel put out thinking only a couple of weeks ago you were messaging other women. I don’t know maybe I’m just being cynical?

When I was in New York it was accepted that people weren't dating one-at-a-time but perhaps going on multiple dates to find out who they liked.

That doesn't mean multiple intimate partners! I literally mean dates.

So perhaps he was dating other people, wanted to date you too and find out if you were the one, but then perhaps one of the other people who bothered to turn up, became the one instead.

I doubt the new partner thought he was sitting on his hands the whole summer.

You sound a bit sour that they’ve each found a partner.

Messaging other women when they were single? Ok then..

And say you got together with one of those guys, do you think he should be bothered that you were being messaged by multiple other men just weeks before? No! Because that's just how dating works now.

I can't see an issue with someone:

• going on dates
• finding one of those dates to be a good match
• putting a photo of them and their new girlfriend on Facebook
• stopping going on dates

Had they been "in a relationship" when they dated YOU well that's not a good sign. But if you don't go on a date with them, then they couple up with someone else....that's normal isn't it?

Yes this is all very true I suppose! I guess I’m just old now and it’s a long time since I dated/got into a relationship with someone.. 15 years in fact 🤦🏻‍♀️ a couple of months feels like nothing but I suppose in early dating it’s quite a long time - I moved in with exH after about 4 months!

I've never done online dating, which means I'm probably more of an 'old' than you are! 😂 I'd probably find it really hard to adjust to this type of dating, too. Back in the 90s/00s you just met people at work, through a mate, or down the local pub/club.

Now you can cast your net much wider and meet up with lots of new people, all at once. I guess you could try seeing these chats/dates like flirting at the photocopier or the juke box, it's just to find out if you like each other and get on. You don't take it seriously until you've been on a third date, I reckon (in my uninformed opinion 😅).

There’s men posting like they are loved up while still chasing other women. Just recently I had one texting me, I opened Instagram and there he was, on holiday with his girlfriend. He was annoyed I’d called him out 🤣

This is kind of what baffled me as one of them is now in a relationship with someone he works with and she’s worked there a few years, so it’s not like she suddenly appeared in his life!

Just because he knows someone doesn't mean that they have dated or anything in the past. For all you know the woman he works with had a partner when they first met. She broke up a few months ago and they went on a first date 4 weeks ago, hit it off really well and are now loved up....

I think lots of us are still used to the old idea that you fancy someone and go out with them. Whereas today, it seems to be you ask someone out then decide whether or not you fancy them.

So these men found someone that they really get on with and posted a few pitchers online.
So what women do as well.
Maybe he and her are just seeing how it goes having fun why not if you do it.
If it works out good if it dont they cant say they didnt try.

It was only on another thread that someone got confused offend almost because a man asked her out for a meal.
And asked what a meal is.

Or the poster that got a message about a date but it took her over a week to reply back to him.
Because ahe was so busy but not busy enough to stop old.
Then got upset because she saw a pick online of him with a different woman a few weeks later.
How are we to find love or have a bit of fun with that sort of mind set.

why does it baffle you?

if they've known each other for years, all the more reason to take things a bit more seriously than with a complete stranger.

it's bit more than "fancying" isn't it?

Like we wouldn't know if a man (or woman of course) is a good match in bed until you get intimate. No point wasting months of dating if you are not 😂

You've said it yourself you was not that bothered about meeting him.
So he moved on and maybe found one that dose want to meet and see how it goes.

@TheCheeryTurtle exactly, so why did he even bother trying with me when she was under his nose every day?

Maybe he hadn't realised he liked her at that point. Maybe she'd said no?

I'd known DP 5 years before we realised we fancied each other.

Nowadays it seems to be more than fancying someone. Like you have to demonstrate compatibility in every single area before you even consider exclusivity.

Years ago, I don’t think we really used to date like people do now. You picked one person you fancied, dated and got to know them, and then if it didn’t work out or they were a bit rubbish in one way or another, you’d knock them on the head and move onto the next one.

Maybe she wasn’t single until recently.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be asking this question at all. I’ve seen the same thing both with men I was in contact with and men in general and asked myself the same thing while being glad at the same time that I wasn’t the girlfriend. There’s nothing bitter about being perplexed and very possibly feeling like you had a lucky escape.

To answer the title of your post they are desperate for a steady supply of sex, home comforts and company. Some possibly have aspirations to be a cocklodger, something you read about a lot on here. Personally I can understand talking to a few men at a time but I wouldn’t be interested in this thing of going on dates with more than one at a time.

many reasons

not available, wary of being work colleagues, not having spend any real time together until a certain night, who knows.

Many people go into serious relationships with someone they've known - or vaguely known - for years, what's wrong with that?