To go on holiday when dad is unwell?

[Chinagirl33]

I have a 3 night trip booked to my friends wedding abroad.
All in all it’s cost me around £1,500 and I was really looking forward to it.
My Dad is 82 and normally in good health but for the last few weeks has had back pain when he walks or twists to the side (shooting pain )
He slipped a disc in his back around 25 years ago and it never got better but this is the worst its been since.
Anyway GP said sounds like sciatica or the disc again.
Sending him for a scan next week but gave him naproxen in mean time.
Took 1 last night and he said the pain was worse also getting up every 15 mins to urinate.
Anyway today he said he feels better,only pain when he steps his foot down walking and twisting.
when he is in chair he is fine.
He can still get around fine just painful (made his lunch and slow cooker tea etc )
I feel guilty leaving him with a bad back.
Plus he is having my cat too.
I really want to go away but I don’t know if I’m wrong to do so?
My friend will be so upset if I don’t go as I’m bridesmaid.
The signal apparently is shocking at the destination too but I would leave hotel phone number.
My dad has all his marbles and looks after himself.
i have also done a full food Shop.
I go Friday afternoon and come home Monday night.
aibu to go ?

I’m a only child and we have no other family either.

Sorry for lack of punctuation.
I was typing this out very fast.

You should go away. Is there anybody who could drop in on him to make sure he’s okay? Or could you give him somebody else’s phone number whilst you’re away? If he was on his death bed I would say differently but it sounds like he’s okay x

You could also batch cook him some food so all he needs to do is heat it up x

Neighbour who could look in on him?

No there is nobody ,he has just moved in recently and knows nobody.
i have made him a lasagne and some bolognese so he can heat it up.
Im honestly so torn
He is telling me to go and he will be fine but im a worrier
I could try and walk somewhere for signal but it means I will just worry

Go, it sounds like he will manage and he wants you to go. He will feel bad if you miss the wedding for his sake. You’re only there a few days. As long as he has a mobile phone and can call for help if needed then likely be fine.

I'm sure you will be able to pay to use the hotel landline for a morning/evening check in? Email them now to confirm.

Could you afford to pay a carer to do a welfare check on the Saturday? I don't know if that's a thing?

Do you have anyone who could be the emergency back up just in case you can't get hold of him? If a friend asked me to be on hand just incase they couldn't get hold of their elderly dad, of course I would.

Honestly, it sounds like he's improving & I think you should go. You just need some reassurance & a plan to minimise the risk of him not being able to raise help if his back goes.

I'd go as it sounds low risk. I would however see this as my prompt to try and get a little more support in place if there is no one in his life but you. I'd give the Age UK helpline a call. They offer all sorts of advice including in some areas volunteer befrienders. May prove useful in future.

Get your dad booked in with a good osteopath as they will help sort out his back

Can you atleast find someone else to have your cat so he isn’t bending down the sort the cat out?

Yeah my friend lives 5 mins away so wouldn’t mind knocking on if I couldn’t get hold of him.
Great idea about the carer but never in a million years would my dad allow this.
He is fiercely independent and this would be a firm no ha ha

Do you think it could be kidney infection related ?
or do you think the pain would be constant ?
last night he was up so much after taking the naproxen for the toilet

Weirdly he said it hardly hurts when bending down.
Just putting his right foot down causes the pain in back and turning sideways

I'd want him to call the GP about the frequent urination to be honest - it could be a UTI but I'd rather get that dealt with today / tomorrow in-case he needs AB?

Is he needing to urinate as much today?

He has an appointment with gp this afternoon and I’ve got him to take a sample with him.
No last night was the first time it happened and I did see side affects of naproxen can be frequent urination
really wish I wasn’t a only child sometimes
My mum passed away when I was 14 and she was the rock

Maybe speak to adult social care at council. Yes he may be independent etc but he also needs to realise that asking for help and accepting it is not a weakness.
he wouldn’t want you putting life on hold.

Oh well in that case I am sure it is nothing! Hopefully the GP can put your mind at rest and you can go off and have a lovely weekend.

You are doing a pretty good job of being your dad's rock! Don't underestimate of the weight of looking after a parent.