To think people are always going to be friends with those who benefit them in some way?

[RealTaupePombear]

Whether it’s emotional support, social status, financial help, fun, shared values or even just convenience, I think most friendships, even the close ones, are based on some kind of personal benefit. That doesn’t mean they’re fake or selfish, just that we’re naturally drawn to people who meet a need or offer something that adds to our lives. But when I say this out loud, people act like it’s cynical or transactional.

AIBU to think it’s just human nature?

Of course. Human beings never do anything that's not meeting one need or another in ourselves.

Well i would assume there has to be something mutual in it not the same for everyone even amongst 2 friends themselves

But when I say this out loud, people act like it’s cynical or transactional.

Because you're the one framing it as cynical and transactional, particularly by disingenuously lumping "social status" and "fun" together as if they're comparable.

I enjoy my friends' company because they are fun - yes I suppose this is a benefit to me but no one thinks of it primarily in self-serving terms. Networking with someone who can bring you social or professional benefits is a completely different sort of relationship and your refusal to distinguish them is probably what makes people annoyed with you.

Well yes, obviously. The personal benefit being that you have fun with them and enjoy their company

It took me many years to realise that indeed some of my 'fruends' were only interested in being my friends when they got a direct benefit from me, mainly someone who will listen to them for hours about their issues.

I've now put an emotional distance with these friends. I don't trust them. They've become friends to have fun with but ultimately, people I woyldnt don't much about if they didappear of my life. I know who my true forever friends are. They don't see me as a benefit, consciously or not.

That is exactly how being social animals works. Absolutely no problem with it, and not cynical at all to recognise it.