Ex won’t have son for me to work

[Itsmeeee888]

Just split with abusive partner . Anyway I asked him to share weekends so I can work every other weekend ( as I solely look after his son and my other children) I cannot afford to not work . He refuses to give me money now and basically said “no and he won’t have him for me to go out and do what I want “ basically saying it’s not about opportunity to work but more about me having time to “go out “ he has only agreed to watch our son one or two evenings a week in the week when I work and to drop him back soon as I’m home at 11pm !!! Not to have him stay the night . Basically this is a huge control thing isn’t it ??? I find it so unfair he can do what he wants every other weekend and all week basically and I’m left to do all the rest . He doesn’t even work so doesn’t have a reason not to have him ! I’m so stuck as I have no one to help me with childcare as I work evenings and weekends . I know the answer is to find a day job and put son in Creche but it’s really hard to come by plus my other children all have sports after school and need picking up half hour away at 4.30 .not only that I don’t have any money to fund up front costs plus looking and getting a job takes time which I don’t have . I literally have 30£ to last me two weeks now . I don’t know how financially I’m meant to cope if I stop working . 😭

I’m almost at the point of just cutting him off completely he’s so much drama . I don’t get why men can just do what they want when they want and pick and chose when to see kids and not pay their way .

Are you getting child support - got to CMS as a first step.

No because he doesn’t work 😭

I know I can get like £7 a week but my earning are like 6-800 a month and I’m losing all this because he is so selfish x

Claim CMS on principle and start looking for a different job. Although presumably you could find an evening nanny and employ them and claim the UC element for childcare?

Put in the CMS claim anyway. Even if it’s only £7 per week, it improves on having to make £30 last for two weeks.

I would go down the cutting the ex off completely route tbh. I can’t imagine it does your son any good to spend time with this abusive man, and it gives him a way to control you.

What do you currently do for work? How old is your son? Can you look for daytime work as you suggest and find a childminder? I am not an expert but isn’t daytime work less difficult to come by than evenings and weekends?

If you claim UC they will pay upfront if a new job.

I didn’t even think of an evening nanny. I live in a tiny village tho so I’m not even sure that’s a thing around here . There is literally just one Creche here and nothing else for another 15 miles childcare wise . I’m not sure where I would look for one ? But it’s worth a look into thank you !

I currently work in a restaurant that’s only open during the evenings hence why weekends are busy and easy to get shifts . I have been looking online most jobs are carer jobs etc and most want weekend availability. I think I’m just in a bit of a panic today tbh as he’s messed me around already this week . I do have an appointment with a works coach next week I’m hoping she will help me x

Did you ask him to look after only his own child or your other children as well?

No only his child . The other children go to their dad two days a week ( when I work ) and every other weekend so I can work x

Definitely put in for CMS. Do that today. You need every penny.

Accept that he is utter scum. A pathetic human and father. But you can’t change that.

what can you change? How old are the other children?

Is there anyway the other kids dad can help out at first if you cover the costs whilst you get sorted? Say up to January to out a time limit on so not taking the piss. If they aren't a massive age group and generally get on well they should entertain each other so might take a stress off him too?

What is his income if he doesn't work?

Not if you are hitting minimum earnings you need to go below, then get a new job.

OP I would put a note in your UC journal, I’ve been there with an abusive ex who was being difficult sbout childcare and having them himself. They were nice actually.