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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH was unreasonable not to leave work to look after ill DD?

13 replies

Artmumcreative · 24/09/2025 08:51

DH is a school cook. I have a speech disorder. DD1 was ill yesterday and I had a pre booked medical appointment, which he refused to take a couple of hours off for to look after DD. I phoned first thing to ask them to rearrange the appointment and they told me they couldn't understand me and could my daughter speak for me (I reiterated that she's ONE). I asked my mother to phone from her work and explain, and ask them to rearrange because DD would not get up unless it was to breastfeed. She told me that they would not rearrange the appointment so she told them I'd be late and they said that was fine. I got ill DD up and into the pushchair, waited for a bus as I thought it would be quicker than walking across the city, arrived half an hour late to be told that they needed to rearrange the appointment because I was half an hour late. I'm frustrated with them because both I and my mum had asked for this on the phone, and frustrated with DH because he wouldn't consider taking three hours off work to look after our ill child.
Last night I told him that I was frustrated that he wouldn't take time off, he implied that I was unreasonable to ask him to ("so you want 700 kids to go hungry?"). He then stormed off to sleep on the sofa. I haven't seen him since because he leaves early for work and didn't say goodbye.
I feel like he is unreasonable to be in such a strop over this, but is it me? Am I the unreasonable one?

OP posts:
Lavendersquare · 24/09/2025 08:56

What was your original plan for your dd? Were you going to take her to the appointment? What was wrong with her? You took her to the appointment and arrived late, so I’m assuming it wasn’t anything serious.

ladybirdsanchez · 24/09/2025 08:59

If your DD was well enough to travel by bus across the city to your appointment, then YABU and I don't understand why you couldn't have taken her and arrived on time!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 24/09/2025 08:59

I think it would be tricky for your husband to take that time off at such short notice, unless it was an emergency.

I totally get why you're fed up and frustrated at missing your appointment though

purplecorkheart · 24/09/2025 09:00

Was there someone to cover for your dh if he did leave? So jobs you cannot just walk out on.

I am a bit confused why you tried re-arrranging the appointment rather than attending on time or asking your mum to attend with you.

ilovesooty · 24/09/2025 09:02

Your mother should have established how late it was acceptable for you to be. There has to be a cut off point beyond which the appointment couldn't be fulfilled. If you were able to take your child with you I think it's understandable that your husband was reluctant to tell his employer at short notice that he was unable to attend work.

ShodAndShadySenators · 24/09/2025 09:09

(I reiterated that she's ONE). I asked my mother to phone from her work and explain, and ask them to rearrange because DD would not get up unless it was to breastfeed.

She won't get up...? She's ONE, she gets up when YOU get her up. I would have booked a taxi online rather than messing about trying to rearrange the appointment and then get the bus.

It's obviously easier for you on this occasion, which isn't an emergency, rather than getting your DH to leave work when he may not have cover for his job - at such late notice it may not be possible. There was no reason why you couldn't take her to the Drs instead of asking your DH to leave work, since it's not an emergency and you were available.

Sorry but YABVU here. I don't understand why you couldn't set out half an hour earlier and get your kid to her appointment on time. What was stopping you?

ShesTheAlbatross · 24/09/2025 09:23

He has a job where by nature there cannot be flexibility on timings, or any wfh, and where it may be hard to get a replacement short notice. So I can definitely see that the employer would be reluctant to allow emergency dependants leave in this non-emergency situation - it’s a statutory right but is for emergencies. And they don’t have to allow any other last minute leave. So I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this simply wasn’t an option for him.

blackpooolrock · 24/09/2025 09:58

Could your mum have looked after your DD? How ill was your DD? is it just a cold or something?

sometimes you can't just walk out on your job unless it is an absolute emergency unfortunately

AutumnCosy2025 · 24/09/2025 10:10

Why could you not have sorted this out the night before.

& what on earth do you mean 'she wouldn't get up'? She's one!!

why couldn't your mum look after her?

YABU inflicting a sick baby on the public on the bus & in the medical setting.

Clockstops · 24/09/2025 10:15

I don't understand why a one year old refusing to get up means you can't put her in the pushchair and go anyway?

I don't understand why you hadn't made plans for DD, for a planned appointment, before today?

PurpleThistle7 · 24/09/2025 10:17

I'm sorry - sounds really frustrating but I can't see how your husband would be able to take off work because you had an appointment? Sounds like you just needed to cancel the appointment or just get moving more quickly. It must be really frustrating to struggle to be understood on the phone so you have my full sympathy.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 24/09/2025 10:23

PurpleThistle7 · 24/09/2025 10:17

I'm sorry - sounds really frustrating but I can't see how your husband would be able to take off work because you had an appointment? Sounds like you just needed to cancel the appointment or just get moving more quickly. It must be really frustrating to struggle to be understood on the phone so you have my full sympathy.

The husband should have requested time off to look after sick child - not the wife’s appointment! 🙄

sundaychairtree · 24/09/2025 10:32

Ypu can't ask for time off work to look after a sick child when the other parent is right there!! He didnt need to take tome off demonstrated by the fact that in the end you took your daughter yourself

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