To think too many women throw their ambition away because they’re scared of losing a man?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

Over the years, I’ve watched women shrink themselves - pass on opportunities, downplay their talents or hold back their goals, just to keep a relationship or avoid intimidating a partner. It’s not always obvious but it’s there. Some are afraid that being too successful, too outspoken or too “ambitious” will make them less lovable or harder to “keep.”

AIBU to think it’s sad how many women still dim their light for the sake of a relationship?

I'm not aware of any women I know having done that tbh. It certainly would never have occurred to me to do so (or to even consider staying in a relationship with a man who was so pathetic as to feel intimidated by his partner's job. Imo most women stall their career due to having babies.

I haven't seen this from any women I know.

I have seen female ambition change over time but frequently due to a shift in priorities whether it's time spend with children or caring for elderly parents etc. People are allowed change their priorities in life.

Intelligent, ambitious women very rarely the type of man who want them to shrink themselves or dim their light imho.

Can't say I've seen this in my friendship group or family.

Nope. I left the man who felt uncomfortable with my career. Not the career which enabled me to have that choice.
If someone loves me less because I work hard in a job I love then that’s their problem not mine.

Nope, never seen that

I'm also not aware of any women who have done this.
Women who are ambitious, successful and outspoken don't settle for a man who they have to downplay themselves for.

I’ve not seen this firsthand although I am sure it exists. What is far more common is women delaying or stalling their careers to be the main caregiver of children. That said I do think that some men are intimidated by confident women and that as a result some women play down this characteristic as a result - I have seen that happen sadly, but luckily not within my friendship groups either.

Sadly I came near to doing this when I was younger: I seriously considered turning down a place at university for a bloke who claimed he wanted to marry me and start a family (who later dumped me for someone else). My parents thankfully read me the riot act and made clear that I was being an idiot.

I’ve never turned a job down for a bloke but I have definitely scaled back hobbies and interests at their request.

Women do do this, sadly. Its part of the social hard-wiring even if its not done in response to a direct request. Thankfully fewer women do this now.

And this…

You see this all the time on the SAHM / WOHM threads. Someone who has scaled back a well paid job with good prospects to support the Big Man Job will trot out the immortal line: “It made sense for our family”.

Which actually means: “It made sense for his career and I sucked it up to keep the peace.”

I recently realised how much I was shrinking myself to stay in my marriage.

That was 5 months ago - now separated, divorcing, moving to London and in the interview process for a VP job 🙌🏻

I have never met one solitary woman who has pulled her ambition to flatter the ego of their partner. That sounds like an entirely unlikely scenario.

I know people who have less drive when they have the security of a double income. That's up to them.

No haven’t seen this at all. But childcare and children? Different story. And putting up with all manner of shit when kids are in the mix.

Good luck - I have my fingers crossed for you! 🤞