AIBU to keep open ROs and press charges?

[ConfusedAdult2001]

If you've seen a few of my old posts, you probably know where this is going.

I'm finally leaving my husband and his family due to narcissistic abuse. His mom physically assaulted me, but then I assaulted him when he AND his family tried to stop me from leaving the house w the kids.

They made me out to be the aggressor, the police didn't listen to me for 6+ mo, I was in a homeless shelter for 4mo, and he was still asking me for sex and not allowing me to see/speak to my kids.

Longer story short, I finally got the police and the court judges to listen to me, and got restraining orders against them both.

I filed for divorce a 3rd time, the judge said he saw the abuse and believed me and HE of his own accord granted me temp. full custody of both of our kids.

His mom tried to lie about her assault on me, he has always tried to deny or minimize her abusive behavior towards me (his own as well).

After being caught in a case of reactive abuse, no "important" people listening to me, and he and his mom trying to deny and justify their abusive behaviors and actions, I started seeking justice and working towards a better future for me and my kids.

I got us into a spacious apartment, filed for divorce, sought out family therapy for them, and am just waiting for our divorce/custody proceeding to come.

Am I being unreasonable to seek to press charges against his mom and keep open ROs against them? Whether I keep or drop the ROs, I definitely still want to press charges against his mom for her assault on me (which she tried to deny and then tried to say i was abusing her despite me actively avoiding her and his sister the entire time).

Also, I want at least primary custody, which i also think the ROs and assault charges will help with, especially since he lives with his mom.

You're not unreasonable to want to keep the restraining orders in place but whether you have any say on whether charges are pressed will depend on where you are for example in England, it's down to the CPS as to whether charges are taken forward, not the victim.

Having been in a similar situation, I would say do not let go of the ROs. It is for the police/CPS to press charges, not you, but if they think there is a reasonable prospect of conviction, they will go ahead with it. Ignore the "what about the children" people. Children do not benefit from being exposed to abusive people or by seeing their mother distressed. You are right to get them into therapy. Good luck and stay strong.

So, because I finally got the police to rewatch the body cam from that day, where I detailed all of the abuse and me trying to leave, they finally went and arrested his mom. That's why I asked if I'd be unreasonable to say I want charges pressed.

So, I definitely have been thinking about my kids a lot throughout this whole process.

My 3yo telling me she doesn't wanna go back to Daddy's house and see his mom/sis, the baby crying as soon as she sees me turn my back.

Like I said, I've already noticed the changes in my kids, hence the anticipated family therapy. I was always their primary caretaker, even while working full time. I honestly just need them enrolled in daycare so I can go back to work for them. Just living off of savings until the divorce/custody proceeding.