Is 14 too young to decide?

[OneGreyBiscuit]

I left a long term relationship 6 months ago. My 18 year old decided he wanted to live with me and my 14 year old dd lives with me half of the week and half at her dad's. She's getting more unhappy staying with him as the house is a pig sty, not much in the way of snacks. He's upsetting her lately as well, saying he called her a skank for no reason. Where do I stand with this as I don't want her to be unhappy staying there but she's also still a minor. She also told me he's quit his job last week.

14 is definitely old enough to decide, even if it's only temporary while you figure everything else out.

At 14 she can chose where she lives and unless there are big red flags I don’t believe court would overturn her choice

although “not many snacks” - I wouldn’t be proud of my daughter for that!

Let her come to you.

It sounds as though her dad's house isn't a nice place for her to be at the moment. I would look at changing her living arrangements.

Not at all, she knows if she’s happy or not abd can base decisions on that alone. I would still encourage her to spend time with him but in planned meet ups with an activity planned. Tbh I think that would work neat for him too, he’s clearly struggling at the moment.

Best, not near!

Definitely not too young to decide. Gillick competent at her age.
Not wanting to live in a dirty house and not enough food sounds completely reasonable to me.

This, encourage them to meet elsewhere

Yes 14 is old enough to decide where she wants to live. Keep her with you and he father can see her at the weekends.

if there is no court case deciding, id say she is definitely old enough to decide to live where she is happier.

She has the right to decide where she lives, and the courts would support her.

14 is definitely old enough to be clear on what she wants.

I would help her determine on how to describe the reasons though, so you can both be clear and consistent.

Saying her dad is agressive/unpleasant to her, and house is unhygienic with limited food, is probably a better overall description than ‘a pigsty with no snacks’.