Navigating no contact

[Autumnscoming234]

Hello, lookong for advice from those in a similar situation. In laws have done something pretty bad, along with years of constant drama, issues and “situations” costing my DH his health and well-being, we have made the decision to go no contact with his Mother and sister, as there is just no forgiving or forgetting the harm they have caused this time. How do we best explain the situation to our children? My son is a very wise “old head” 8 year old (who unfortunately had to hear his grandmother completely rip me to shreds) and our 4yo DD. We still have a good relationship with FIL and he has been very supportive of us and is ashamed of what his wife and daughter have done. How much of the truth do I tell our DS? How do I tell DD that her grandmother is a bad person?

I would not say anything until you have to.

Wait until DS asks then just say you are taking some time away from them at the moment because you’ve had a falling out. Over time you can add to this depending on what you want him to know.

For me it was easy I just cut contact and that was that, they never showed up at my door so no drama situations to explain away. When my oldest 7 at the time started asking questions it was more around why she hadn’t seen her cousin. I told her I had a falling out out with cousins parents and we were taking some time out. It was about a year before she stopped asking but I tried to just say it was between us grown ups and I’m sorry she didn’t get to see her cousin atm. Now she’s 13 she knows most of the saga and although sad she dosnt have the relationships with her cousins she knows it wasn’t anything they did and understands why we are NC. I think it’s far easier these days as kids are taught about toxic relationships far more than we were so have a better understanding than we think.

My then 5yo dosnt remember much and youngest has no idea my family exsists.

"We've decided not to see granny any more as she isn't nice to us. When you're grown-up you'll be able to decide for yourself if you want to see her".

Don’t tell her that her granny is a ‘bad person’, that’s just not right. We can’t see granny anymore as she isn’t being nice/we have fallen out etc. Don’t mention it until asked and then keep it fairly neutral and brief.

Thanks :) really difficult time as she is their only living grandmother. I feel its sad snd that its a shame, but really letting such a bad person remain in their lives is an even bigger shame.