I went to collect DC from the usual meet-up point. My partner gave me a lift that day as my car was at the mechanics. Ex does not drive, so I normally have to go close to his house for collection.
Ex and I have always had a difficult relationship due to past abuse (mostly non physical - mainly threats etc), which led to a non-molestation order being in place for the first three years of DC’s life. (DC is now 4 and has been in contact with ex since end of non mol) More recently, tensions have been high because Ex received a refund from CMS, kept it, and then lied about it. At that point, communication between us had already broken down.
Ex is aware that I am in a relationship and that DC spends time with my partner. In the past, when things were more amicable, we agreed that if my partner and I became engaged, Ex would be introduced formally.
At the handover, when I got out of the car, I opened my arms for DC to run to me. Instead, Ex held on to DC’s hand and came up to me, asking how I had arrived and where I got out of the “Uber.” He knew it was not an Uber. I ignored his question, greeted DC, and asked if he had enjoyed his day. Ex then continued to ask how I was getting home. Again, I ignored him.
I chose not to answer because I felt his questions were not genuine concerns for DC’s safety but came from irritation at having seen my partner. Ex has never asked about DC’s travel arrangements before, even though it is not always me who drops off or collects due to work commitments. My priority in that moment was to avoid confrontation, especially as Ex had been sending me repeated angry messages that week after I re-applied to CMS for Collect and Pay. I was already nervous about attending the handover because of his tone in those messages.
Ex would not let go of DC’s hand until I repeatedly thanked him and gently pulled DC towards me. When I got in the car, this was what I received.
Ex:
I don’t know why you think be vague about where my child is going
Ex:
If I ask you tell me
Ex:
You think all this is funny or yeah let me behave weird. What ever your reasons are wasn’t mature
Ex:
I don’t care if your man or whoever you are with don’t want me to know them but I’ve told you you are responsible for who comes into my sons life
You:
I don’t need to tell you how I got to you or how I get home. That’s not a need to know question.
Ex:
Errrr with my son you do
Ex:
Who does that’s
Ex:
Anyways keep playing, it’s all fun. Kl
Ex:
The more I think about it, keep doing what you are doing. You will regret treating my son like this. Lose the attitude and be mature not doing lil tic for tac. Ask you where my son is and you act like I want some private information
You:
Next week Sunday, clapham stn 1:30 and then Clapham stn drop off 7:30?
Ex:
That’s fine
You:
Great. See you then
Ex:
Also how can you bring another person I don’t know to this contact point
Ex:
Who ever that person is next time to a job a better job if you or they don’t want me to see them. I simply asked “did you take a cab” You took his hand as I’m holding him and just scurried off. I’m asking you a very relevant question of my son’s safety and you’re acting weird, running around corners.
Ex:
If that’s your man/friend you need to manage that and not be acting childish when your son father is doing a handover.
I never replied. I found this intrusive especially given our past. Section 7 report actually recommended supervised contact only but judge went against that. Due to this encounter as well as past things, I no longer feel comfortable to meet him. He can still see dc but I want pick up and drop off at contact centre.
what do you ladies think of this?