To just feel like a rubbish person right now?

TooTooMuchEverything · 23/09/2025 03:59

It sounds like you are ruminating. I do this. I distract myself by watching a good movie, or a humorous tv series or listen to music, r just reading a book - I find good books give me a different perspective on life which I find invaluable. It also sounds like you might be depressed so maybe it’s time to see a professional about it.

You really are having a tough time and it sounds like you’ve not got much support to fall back on. Perhaps sort out why your best friend isn’t talking to at the moment. A misunderstanding? She’s having a tough time? Or maybe you are both going through challenging times?

It really does sound like you need to find community. What are you most interested in? Perhaps you can find a club you can join. A book club (check your local library), amateur theatre club are two suggestions.

Exercise helps. Just going for a walk daily makes a huge difference to my state of mind. Although I understand that when you are feeling very down it’s hard to motivate yourself to exercise.

Currently I’m caring for my husband who has stage 4 cancer and it’s a lot. I’ve realized recently that all my social activities outside the home have ceased and I’m feeling very down because of it. So, it’s time for me to pick one thing to do that gives me a few hours away from the home (and my husband). Something that doesn’t involve my kids our scaring in general. I need some company. And your post is a timely reminder of that.

Oh, for when you are going to bed and hoping you feel better in the morning, I learned a trick. Change your bedroom around. So you’re waking up to a different point of view each morning - it’s not the same old same old.

❤️

DavidKeanu · 23/09/2025 04:03

Before I even read that your period is due soon, I thought that would likely be a factor as I really recognise this pattern in myself. I start remembering and obsessing about embarrassing things I've said and done, bad decisions I've made, etc. Everything starts to feel hopeless and pointless then BAM I start bleeding. I haven't really got a way to deal with it other than to remind myself that I'll feel better in a few days.

Loseyoufselfinthemoment · 23/09/2025 04:56

Hi OP can you re frame the mistakes in your head as 'things that made me learn' and 'we have all had mistakes it is what helps us grow'. Those sorts of being kind to yourself messages. Also I do inner child work (have had a lot of therapy recently) so sometimes I just imagine cuddling my inner child on my lap and feeling compassion for myself for past mistakes.

ForeverHopeful3 · 23/09/2025 04:57

KindlySeaGlass · 23/09/2025 02:30

Hi everyone, I’m in my early thirties and generally doing okay in life, but I’m having a really bad patch at the moment. I don’t have much of a support system (I’m estranged from family by choice) and my closest friend has randomly stopped talking to me. On top of that, I’m out of work right now (my last fixed-term role ended in August) and the job market feels dire.

Because of all this, I’ve been finding old memories and mistakes bubbling up really strongly, and it’s making me feel like I’m a bad person. I don’t usually struggle with my mental health but the last few days I’ve felt incredibly low and sad.

I know my period’s due soon, so hormones might be playing a part (or even that solar eclipse everyone’s talking about!) but right now I just feel awful. I’m going to bed soon and hoping tomorrow feels a bit lighter.

Would really appreciate some kind words, encouragement or just to hear from anyone who’s felt like this before.

I always pray. I also don't have any friends, and my family is not the best so I keep myself distant from them for my emotional wellness, so I only have God to turn to. Its been the only time I've found any peace and relief.

Mosaic123 · 23/09/2025 05:19

Don't let it stop you applying for jobs as once you are working you may feel significantly better.

My DS tells me that linking up with old contacts is a good way to get a job. People are often flattered that you think they might know of someone.

Occasionally if a current worker brings someone into a company they get a bonus payment so you can both benefit, so don't be shy to reach out.

Good luck.

Nestingbirds · 23/09/2025 05:40

Losing the structure and community of work when you have limited support and family is going to be very painful op, and I am not surprised you feel down. You have the freedom to live anywhere, would you consider moving for work? Exploring new horizons with warm and welcoming community life to bring some security and friendship to your life, as well as work? See this as an opportunity rather than a loss?

UnhappyHobbit · 23/09/2025 08:11

Sorry you feel this way OP. I have experienced similar when I have been out of work, you have time to think and sometimes your brain thinks the worst rather than what’s good.

Rumination is a killer. I hope you find good advice online on how you can deal with it. You have to try and jump out of your thoughts which is a challenge but it’s so worth it.

childofthe607080s · 23/09/2025 08:20

Oh being out of work is so tough no wonder you feel a little crap

head down and solider on - apply for things ,daily walks and perhaps some volunteer work just for your mental health and know this period will pass although it will feel like a lifetime and give yourself lots of cuddles

EscapeTheCastle · 23/09/2025 11:03

I have small idea that might help. Buy an academic September 2025 diary so you can start right away. Write it all down and get all those thoughts out onto paper. Do it every day. Fill the whole day entry with all your concerns about those past memories.
This sort of thing helps me. Just recently I've been ruminating over something that happened in 1994! I've been writing it all down and it does really help to put thoughts and feelings in order and into perspective.

Original poster

KindlySeaGlass · 23/09/2025 14:25

TooTooMuchEverything · 23/09/2025 03:59

It sounds like you are ruminating. I do this. I distract myself by watching a good movie, or a humorous tv series or listen to music, r just reading a book - I find good books give me a different perspective on life which I find invaluable. It also sounds like you might be depressed so maybe it’s time to see a professional about it.

You really are having a tough time and it sounds like you’ve not got much support to fall back on. Perhaps sort out why your best friend isn’t talking to at the moment. A misunderstanding? She’s having a tough time? Or maybe you are both going through challenging times?

It really does sound like you need to find community. What are you most interested in? Perhaps you can find a club you can join. A book club (check your local library), amateur theatre club are two suggestions.

Exercise helps. Just going for a walk daily makes a huge difference to my state of mind. Although I understand that when you are feeling very down it’s hard to motivate yourself to exercise.

Currently I’m caring for my husband who has stage 4 cancer and it’s a lot. I’ve realized recently that all my social activities outside the home have ceased and I’m feeling very down because of it. So, it’s time for me to pick one thing to do that gives me a few hours away from the home (and my husband). Something that doesn’t involve my kids our scaring in general. I need some company. And your post is a timely reminder of that.

Oh, for when you are going to bed and hoping you feel better in the morning, I learned a trick. Change your bedroom around. So you’re waking up to a different point of view each morning - it’s not the same old same old.

❤️

Thank you. Yes I have been ruminating.
My best friend stops talking to me often unfortunately. Every few months or so, she just doesn’t respond and doesn’t show up for plans made. It’s one of those times again. It makes me sad, I haven’t chased her and I’m considering just leaving that alone because I don’t think it’s worth it tbh. It’s not how to treat someone.

I do need a community for sure. The thing is I have a friend/s but they’re not local, you know? Also where I live is the outskirts of where I’d prefer to live and I don’t see my community being here. However, I’m part of a few exercise clubs and go to those every week. I’m just feeling down and awful about myself and I don’t know why. I’m not a bad person and I’ve done well so I really don’t know why I’m being so hard on myself but I am. When I wrote this post originally I just needed to talk to someone and I don’t have anyone. I even tried calling Samaritans just to have someone to talk to but the hold lines were just too long. I’m not suicidal and never have been but right now I do want to just fuck everyone and everything off, change my number and just I dunno. Start again.

I’ve done a bit of tidying around the house this morning and watched some tv etc. I’m going to have a day in today (apart from taking about the bins ha) and resume my clubs etc tomorrow.

Thanks for all your words and tips, I’m sorry to hear about your situation too and I hope things get even just a little bit better for you too. ♥️

OP posts:

Original poster

KindlySeaGlass · 23/09/2025 14:26

Mosaic123 · 23/09/2025 05:19

Don't let it stop you applying for jobs as once you are working you may feel significantly better.

My DS tells me that linking up with old contacts is a good way to get a job. People are often flattered that you think they might know of someone.

Occasionally if a current worker brings someone into a company they get a bonus payment so you can both benefit, so don't be shy to reach out.

Good luck.

Edited

Thank you. Yes I’ve continued applying for jobs , applying for at least 1 daily and have one I’m about to submit later on today too.

OP posts:

NaiceBlueSquid · 23/09/2025 15:14

Hey OP, I do hope things pick up for you soon. Sending love and light (and luck?) ♥️