Child at new setting..

[Concernedparent101511]

Hi all I’d like some advice from fellow parents/ early years professionals please.
My DC just turned 3, recently started a new setting a few days a week. She has been at a different setting previously.
She has been at the new setting for only a couple of weeks, which took her a while to settle, she is also one of the youngest.
Much to my surprise I have been advised she has very poor engagement and a number of signs of autism/social skills were mentioned.
None of this has been mentioned by anybody else or previous childcare settings.
DC is a very happy but shy child, only thing I have noticed and discussed with previous setting is a definite speech and language delay, previous setting did also say takes a long time to come out of there shell and socialise, which I relayed to new setting.
Now bearing in mind my older child also didn’t speak till 4, DC seems very normal to me.
The thing that has thrown me off is DC has only been at the setting 3 weeks, and we are currently being told to apply for funding to help her next year and possible diagnosis?(setting is attached to the school she will go to).
Health visitor has said settings usually observe for a minimum of 6 weeks before taking action.
So having taken advice from friends/family members some of which are teachers I am confused about the following:

1. Are the setting actually genuinely concerned about my child and raising red flags.
2. Is there a push for funding in schools any which way possible (which some friends who are teachers have alluded too).
3. Is 3 weeks in a setting for a 3 year old not too short a time to make any decisions about something that is a whole year away/assumptions about a child.

Sorry for any offense, I actually have no issue if my child does require extra help/is neurodivergent but surely I would have noticed something or a previous setting (where she’s been for 2 years) would have.
And I felt there was a hard sell for us to apply for funding, different types were explained and all sorts bearing in mind were 3 weeks in, just a bit shocked and don’t feel like DC has been given a chance at all.
Would appreciate any advice/expertise!

Are you under speech and language for the speech delay? As that is definitely a sign that schools will take note of. To be honest, referrals take so long to gain any traction I'd take all the help on offer - if she doesn't need it then great but if you find in a year you do and haven't started it'll feel like a long wait.

Yes we have just started privately due to the long NHS wait!
Also if we need to go for any diagnosis in the future we are fortunate enough that we can go private, so I don’t get what the use/mad rush is for us to do this, rather than watch and wait especially if we as parents are not too concerned and DC is happy.
I just feel 3 is too young for assessments and being pushed, they are still very young and have years to flourish.

Stop saying setting.

Anything helpful to add?

Thanks I’m here looking for advice, nothing else, when you are actually really concerned about a child and ask for help you really don’t need people like yourself with completely irrelevant comments, thankyou.

Ignore the language police OP, it’s her thing.

I can see your concern but it’s probably worth keeping the conversation open with them on this as if there is anything your child needs extra help on then you’re ahead of the curve. If not, and as you say, she’s very young, then no harm done.

Ok, so taking them one by one,

no three weeks can be plenty of time especially if there’s obvious issues.
you mention you are already under speech and language so you know there are issues.

the whole point of speech and language is to get intervention in the early years before it causes significant delay and educational problems which are then a bloody nightmare to fix.

early years environments have high ratios and lots of adults. Reception classes can have 30 kids and one adult. A child who is communication delayed can have massive, massive problems in that environment if they don’t have extra support.

nursery are flagging to you that at the moment she is coping and they are coping but there may be problems ahead.

getting the paperwork sorted and funding in place is a long process, but having your child have a terrible transition to school is much worse.

watch and wait works until it doesn’t. You may able to go private for a diagnosis if needed but a diagnosis is not what gets you support at school (although it can help) and the process for that is long and difficult.

What are you afraid of OP? I mean, what's the harm in applying? If she doesn't need the help when the time comes, all the better.
Your child can still flourish, even with a diagnosis. But if they do get a diagnosis, they're more likely to flourish if they have appropriate resources available

My ds did ok in nursery but struggled hugely in reception. He went to nursery from 18 months so the staff knew him really well and all his quirks. That meant he was really well supported - once he got to reception and that knowledge was lost, his difficulties became much more obvious. Sometimes a change setting can flag up differences.

All of this is spot on OP. The diagnosis is one step but the funding in many areas of the country is currently taking 2 years and sometimes more. This means your DD could be half way through Y1 before she got any help, IF she gets any funding. That's quite late if she does need it. Believe me, if she doesn't REALLY need help, she will not get any funding. Often you then need to appeal to get funding so the whole thing takes ages and is a massive paperwork ball ache for schools. They will not be doing it for fun, or even 'extra money' as the extra money rarely covers what's needed. They are doing it because they see many children and are concerned/want the best for your DD. The other nursery may have had a more relaxed attitude because they then lose the children to school and don't really need to worry about their progress at school. This nursery will fully understand the impact of your DD's needs on her education and they want to start a process which can benefit her. Trust me, if she's fine, she won't be getting funding but in the meantime I would get the ball rolling as it can really make such a difference if she has a bit of extra help.

Thankyou all for your advice and guidance.
After speaking to a few people and clarifying things I think they are trying to help.
Was just a bit of a shock and not communicated very well (i.e such long waiting times). We have decided to proceed with a funding application as it can only benefit DC.

What @Octavia64 said.

I have autistic children myself and work in early years. My experience is lots of times settings kick the can down the road it’s not an easy process to get the support in place so lots of nursery’s just don’t do it. I’ve been at early years meetings where this sort of thing is openly discussed. As your child will be attending the school they may feel they have more of a stake in it. They also may just be a good setting and would do it anyway, of course settings like that do exist.

my own son I knew was autistic and everyone told me he was fine don’t worry. Then he started school and they couldn’t cope with his needs and he’s now age 8 not got a school place. I’m going to be forever angry we won’t know if he could have managed an educational setting if he’d had support and not been traumatised.

for some kids 3 weeks is too soon to tell. The standard as you say is 6 weeks. But for those who know autism that may be plenty of time depending on the child. You said your older child had speech delay too so it could even be your older child is autistic which is why you don’t see a difference. I’ve mentioned to parents that I feel there may be something to observe before now and been shot down. Only to see years later when the child is school age they are getting a diagnosis.

extra funding is incredibly hard to get. You cannot get it without evidence the child needs it. Even then it’s often turned down and parents have to take it to tribunal. If the setting think it’s worth trying for then they will feel they can evidence the need. And if your child just had a speech delay and the private SALT is all the support they actually need then no harm will be done.

early help is HIGHLY important. It really impacts a child’s whole life and future outcomes