AIBU to resent my parents? I know a lot of people will say "your parents are people too" or "your parents had their own problems", but I just find it incredibly hard to not resent them.
My dad left us when I was about 7 and started another family which I was basically excluded from. I was going through CSA and even then, my dad didn't come back for me. I questioned it as an adult and he said "You weren't my priority". Ive not really had a relationship with him since, its been complicated.
Growing up with my mom has been hard, she's called me names, degraded me because of my weight (I've been bigger since I was a kid), I've always felt like I was in her shadow or in competition with her. She's always been the slim, pretty one and I've always been the ugly fat one so I've always been made to feel invisible.
When I was in my early 20's I unexpectedly fell pregnant. I wanted to keep it (I was in a relationship at the time) but I knew it would be difficult so I tried to come up with ways I could move out. My mom went ballistic at me, shouted at me, told me I was disrespectful to her for getting pregnant, how it's shameful and that she didn't want anything to do with "it" and "well its ok for you, you've got your family now". She kept changing the amount of board she wanted from me, increasing it so I had less money so I couldn't move out and have the baby. Long story short, she basically "made" me have a termination. It was either than or she kicked me out and I had nowhere to go. I was traumatised. I've never got over it. I had to just flush my baby down the toilet and cry in silence. I pretty much had to go through the termination alone as we were just a month in to lockdown, my mom left me all alone to go and stay at her partners, I had to go to work and work through the pain (I worked in an off license at the time and the shop keeper wouldn't let me have time off). These days my mom complains that I never want to spend time with her but I find it hard to because of how I feel, it's different with my dad, I feel indifferent.
AIBU to feel this way?