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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I resent my parents TW CSA

5 replies

TempleOfShrooms · 22/09/2025 19:37

AIBU to resent my parents? I know a lot of people will say "your parents are people too" or "your parents had their own problems", but I just find it incredibly hard to not resent them.

My dad left us when I was about 7 and started another family which I was basically excluded from. I was going through CSA and even then, my dad didn't come back for me. I questioned it as an adult and he said "You weren't my priority". Ive not really had a relationship with him since, its been complicated.

Growing up with my mom has been hard, she's called me names, degraded me because of my weight (I've been bigger since I was a kid), I've always felt like I was in her shadow or in competition with her. She's always been the slim, pretty one and I've always been the ugly fat one so I've always been made to feel invisible.

When I was in my early 20's I unexpectedly fell pregnant. I wanted to keep it (I was in a relationship at the time) but I knew it would be difficult so I tried to come up with ways I could move out. My mom went ballistic at me, shouted at me, told me I was disrespectful to her for getting pregnant, how it's shameful and that she didn't want anything to do with "it" and "well its ok for you, you've got your family now". She kept changing the amount of board she wanted from me, increasing it so I had less money so I couldn't move out and have the baby. Long story short, she basically "made" me have a termination. It was either than or she kicked me out and I had nowhere to go. I was traumatised. I've never got over it. I had to just flush my baby down the toilet and cry in silence. I pretty much had to go through the termination alone as we were just a month in to lockdown, my mom left me all alone to go and stay at her partners, I had to go to work and work through the pain (I worked in an off license at the time and the shop keeper wouldn't let me have time off). These days my mom complains that I never want to spend time with her but I find it hard to because of how I feel, it's different with my dad, I feel indifferent.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Gingernessy · 22/09/2025 19:50

No your not being unfair.
You don't have to spend time with your parents just because they are your parents.
Its your time now and you should be making the most of it and surrounding yourself with people who like you because you're you.
Probably earsier said than done I know but always remember the only person who can make you feel worthless now is yourself - your parents no longer have that power.
Work out what you want from your life and go get it - we all stumble along the way - if you tumble dust yourself down and try again or try something new.
😊

Rebeccaann5 · 22/09/2025 19:56

You're not being unreasonable atall, they sound dreadful and I'm so sorry for what you had to go through 💐

thepariscrimefiles · 22/09/2025 20:13

I'm sorry but you have got two parents who each treated you horribly in different ways. Do not feel guilty about not seeing you mum very often. If I were you, I wouldn't see her at all.

They both massively let you down during your childhood when you were going through CSA and they don't deserve to have any relationship with you.

TempleOfShrooms · 24/09/2025 18:49

Hi guys thanks for your replies, I didn't get the notifications for some reason. I really appreciate it. Its built up over the years and theres nobody in my personal life I can share this with

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 24/09/2025 19:25

They are awful parents, you deserve so much better xx

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