To find it hard not to compare

[bluedolphin23]

My BIL and SIL both have partners who earn a large amount of money. Both BIL and SIL both earn low-average wages. I’m currently a SAHM but plan to go back to work but would probably be starting on a low salary.
our household income is currently around 60k with 2 kids. Our bills are cheap as we live in a less desirable area and house prices are low.
My oh told me today how much BIL and SILs partners earn. One earns 70k, the other earns above 100k…
I felt guilt more than anything that they can afford to give their children more than we can, ie, nicer area, bigger house etc
If it was just me and oh I don’t think I’d be bothered about what anyone else earns, I think it’s just the guilt I feel for our kids that they perhaps won’t grow up with as much as their cousins.
I really don’t want to dwell on this and would love some advice on how to stop comparing our situation with theirs and feeling less than for earning less money.
thanks for reading

Well either it spurs you on to retrain and go back to work or you choose to ignore and move on. You’re not less than…just doing it differently.

OP this is a very natural feeling and you’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last to feel this way. What I will say is really try hard not to look at their lives and just assume because they have more money that everything is hunky dorey, because it won’t be.
We have rich BiL and SIL, but they drink a lot and they look a bit knackered! DH and I weirdly feel they are jealous of us. We earn less, but we have our shit together where we’re not working long hours and crazy stressed, our kids seem to be a lot better behaved and more intelligent (I’m sure this isn’t always the case), and we earn pretty good money (like your household does!), so honestly don’t feel inferior to them. The best thing you can do is try and be rich in other ways, lose weight (if you feel you need to!) have a tidy clean home, happy kids etc.
I know it’s easier said than done because I am guilty of feeling like this too at times.
Also, I felt like this a lot on ML because it’s hard not to when you feel a bit stalled on your own life and you feel you’re falling behind but you’re 100% not!

I don't know how to stop comparing. Let me know if you figure it out! There will always be someone who earns more so if you (we!) continue comparing, there is infinite misery to be had.

Your kids are in a much better position than the majority of the children on the planet.

Not sure why pp mentioned losing weight. Weird.

Thanks everyone, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I am actually thinking of going back to uni to study an MA to further my career but even then the earning potential isn’t massive.
I know it’s only hurting me to dwell on it and I don’t want to let it consume me. I know we’re also a lot more fortunate than a lot of other people right now.
I actually felt like we were in a great place financially until I learned what BIL and SILs households are bringing in and now I feel like we’re still a million miles behind and like we’re failing.

I have felt similar feelings about my sister in law and her husband in the past. We’ve both been married similar amounts of time. They holiday to all the fancy places, all inclusive with the kids. Drive fancy cars and wear fancy clothes. All lovely new furniture in their new build house, fancy floors and furnishings and so on. We have a less fancy house, but it was a better financial investment as has incredible potential. We drive ten year old car we own outright and have another on lease, we holiday in England - we aren’t struggling for money but we aren’t presenting as well off as them.
it’s all just come to light that they’ve been living above their means and are on a sinking ship. They’re also separating. We would never have guessed in a million years.
I won’t question keeping our outdated bathroom a few years longer ever again. I’d rather be comfortable with less. Comparison is the thief of joy, and you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Most people are in debt. The only people you should be trying to impress is yourselves, and that should be by having savings and security and working towards being able to retire without a struggle, as when you get to that point you won’t care about your fancy fixtures if you can’t keep the heat on and you’re still working at 70.

They may be earning more, but they probably spend way more too. You’d. w surprised how many high earners are pay check to pay check

Were you generally happy before you discovered their salaries? Knowing how much they earn hasn't changed anything for you - you're not suddenly less well off than you were.

Your children have a house and a loving family, there are no guarantees that they would fare better in life for having a bigger house in a nicer area. Live the life that suits you and your family.

I agree with the post that it's something you can use to drive you, should you so wish. If it's really important to you and you feel it's important to increase income in the hope it provides opportunities and better quality of life, now is the opportunity to decide if that is realistically achievable.

Or it's a great start point to work on acceptance and maybe looking at budgets and making what you have work harder for you.

You are not failing OP.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
It is difficult not to compare but so important to live in the here and now.
I have always worked really hard and compared to several of my friends, my salary is comparatively low. I also have friends who earn less
We all need to appreciate the here and now