Can't believe he said this

[makela]

Im due to have my little boy via c section in literally two weeks.
Im a high risk pregnancy and have had severe sickness and pain. Ive also been experiencing really bad depression and im under the mental health midwives for support. Ice been crying a lot feeling useless worthless and just hating on myself.
At the weekend my father in law jokingly said to me well my son works you dont do anything you just watch tv all day you have it easy. It made me feel more useless and pointless. I opened up to my husband about it when we got home and he gave me a hug and told me to ignore it but then this morning as my husband was getting ready for work he said well yeah what do you do all day. You do nothing baby. If I wasn't struggling with low self esteem and depression before I definitely am now. I dont have any mum friends. And im just posting here to ask am I being too unreasonable am I taking this too hard. I genuinely just want to cry. I feel so inadequate. Since when was being a mother and having a baby not enough compared to full time work. Am I just not enough. Please write me.

Remind them that you're currently doing the most important work you'll ever do, nurturing their son and grandson.

Good men would be showing you care and concern. They'd be helping you improve your mental health, not knocking it down. Tell them you expect better.

You are doing something they never can, never will and can’t understand. Yes, plenty of women fire on all cylinders while pregnant. Good on them. But not everyone does.

I worked during my pregnancy but for the whole nine months All I wanted was to have an emotional relationship with the crack in the paint of my bedroom ceiling and I resented every moment I wasn’t lying on my back staring at it.

If your dh had his balls injected with some strange substance that altered his testosterone production, he would likely feel odd, too. And he wouldn’t know how it would affect him until it did.

Hang in there. Sending hugs.

They both sound pretty thick.

Are you on maternity leave? You say you are a mother, so you also have a younger DC to care for, whilst being heavily pregnant and feeling unwell?

I hope things improve soon. 💐

Your fil is a prick. He sounds like mine. Ignore him and tell your husband to fuck off as well

You’re growing a human being inside you. They can never do that!

Is this baby your first?

Christ on a bike. These men! WTAF!! Ignore their stupid comments OP, they know nothing! You are doing great 👍 x

Its my second baby i have a two year old girl at home, this will be my first little boy. Its been a lot more painful than my first. I had really bad morning sickness the whole way through first and second trimester. Ive got fibroids and a history of epilepsy plus ive been told he's a big baby on scans so its my first time doing the c section. Bit nervous but im looking forward to seeing my little boy.
Im not on maternity leave, im not working at the moment. I would love to work in the future because I want to but also because I really feel the pressure judgement and the stigma from people around me.

Would your FIL like to look after a two-year-old every day while heavily pregnant? Would he fuck. Stand up for yourself! "I'll happily work FiL, if you want to help your precious son out and pay a grand a month in nursery fees".

So you are looking after a child and you are suffering with various stresses of late pregnancy, including mentally? Both of those are hard work and so what if you are watching a lot of tv. Your body is still growing a baby whilst you watch.

It’s easy to say to ignore them but hard to do in reality. Can you sit down and explain to your husband that you feel really awful mentally and his comment has really upset you. Hopefully he said it as a thoughtless and flippant remark and won’t have meant it unkindly.

Sounds like your husband has been complaining to his parents about you not working. Arsehole

I feel differently. I am on anti depressants now but am much older. I felt the same when I was pregnant, but I forced myself to do things, it was amazing how much better I felt.

This is excellent advice.

No-one expects a woman who is 2 weeks off giving birth to work. Even women who work FT have gone on maternity leave. No one is that thick.

Sounds like there is more to this story.

OP is currently not working, so not on maternity. I suspect that the comment made by OP’s husband, was about this. Either way, it was bang out of order.

@Enigma54yeah but i think the point is now she’s at the very end of her pregnancy, even if she was working she would be on maternity leave anyway - so questioning what she does all day when she’s this heavily pregnant is even crazier!

Agree. A total dick comment.

I’m assuming you’re currently a stay at home mum and you’re about to have another baby. You’re definitely “not doing anything”.

I’m guessing you look after a toddler all day, cook clean and are heavily pregnant.

Your DH is out of line.

Who is doing the childcare and the housework? I agree if you were in FT employment you'd be on mat leave already if not for some time due to the high risk pregnancy and pain

I feel for you!! Men will just never know what it feels like to be pregnant. You've got all your mother instincts kicking in right now and making you focussed on being at home and taking care of yourself. It's natural.

They are being very annoying indeed, but now is not the time for shouting if you can avoid it, and focussing on the tricky bits will make you feel worse I think. You are going to need their help, and you should ask for their help and expect their help, like all mums. That hug shows love and caring so that's very good. It is ok to ask for time and help and understanding.

I got very depressed after having both my babies. I was living in a new area, with no family around and the people I knew from work were much younger and did not have kids. I felt very alone. So keep in touch with your midwife and health visitor and GP after the birth and let them know how you are.

My best tip of all is - when you have recovered from the C section enough - go to all the local mum and baby and toddler groups and playgroups you can go to. There will be loads of free groups out there. Your midwives can give you a list, or look online or ask at the library. If there is something on each week day that would be brilliant. Literally try and do something like that every day, make a timetable for yourself. Pluck up all your courage and go even when you are exhausted. You do not need to know anyone at all and it does not matter if you look a total mess. Most people don't know anyone at the start. It takes bravery first time, but just go and sit on a chair for an hour or two, or take your buggy/pram/sling and feed your baby and smile at people. Or take your partner if he has a day off one day - dads are welcome too. You will gradually meet people as the months go by and you will make lovely friends. That is what these groups are really for, help and support. I met most of my mum friends this way. Your baby will love the atmosphere and it is so good for your mental health as well. Everybody will be so sympathetic and helpful. You do not have to prove yourself or explain yourself at mum/toddler groups - that is so relaxing! No one will ask you why you are not at work or have you done the washing up!! It's just so good to just get out of the house and be in company of other mums when you have a baby.

When you've got your beautiful baby you will be so busy, so find out about baby/toddler groups now and stick a list with all the details on the fridge. I'm so excited for you about your baby coming. I can tell what a wonderful caring mother you are. Best wishes to you xxx