Anxiety spiralling out of control, feel so defeated.

[Crystalcrazy]

I had a plumber this weekend to carry out a small repair job. They fitted an incorrect part and when then had left I noticed there was water leaking on the floor.

I called the office and they sent him back but he clearly wasn’t happy, told me that they would now be late to their other jobs and that his boss wouldn’t be happy. All I could hear was tools being dropped on the tiled floor.

I was on the verge of tears, kept apologising trying to appease him even though I had actually done nothing wrong. I hate confrontation and will try to keep the peace at all costs. I’m really not sure when I became so weak and such a pushover, I didn’t used to be like this.

When he left, I just cried.

I already suffer with various mental health issues, anxiety being one of them with chronic overthinking. I have been prescribed Sertraline before but had to stop taking it as I couldn’t manage the side effects whilst working. So had a few sessions of talking therapy instead. My problems stem from my childhood, always feeling the need to be perfect and good enough, not wanting to disappoint or anger my parents.

My house is my safe space and my escape from the world. I don’t really like visitors including trades people but obviously this isn’t always preventable.

The job still isn’t correct and I’ve been sat here worrying and overthinking, my mind instantly goes to the worse case scenario. To me, a small leak turns into a disaster such as the floor collapsing. And now I’ve got to ring the company again and ask someone to come back.

I’ve heard the expression “Anxiety is the thief of joy.” And how true that is, when instead of enjoying life I’m turning potential scenarios that may never happen around in my head.

Can anyone relate to this and how do you cope?

I am sorry you are suffering so much anxiety and I hope the plumber does rectify it for you. I haven't got any answers just to know you are not alone. I seem to suffer a great deal of anxiety over not a lot. Last week alone I was anxious over my daughter choosing the correct A levels then trying to get her on a certain course. Worrying about meeting a deadline, trying to please different family members the list continues. I have no coping mechanism and the anxiety eventually just goes only to come back when another problem arises. I honestly think it's menopause related and was thinking of trying HRT.

Back to the GP say sertraline isn't for me and try something else.

Hi, I also suffer with extremely bad anxiety. Mine tends to revolve around fear of something bad happening to my children but on my worst days I don't like to leave the house as it feels like everyone is looking at me and judging me (even though I know they're not). I have really struggled with complete meltdowns on quite a few occasions. I am on medication but I don't find it helps all of the time and its hard to find a balance between feeling able to cope and being a complete zombie.
I can't offer advice on how to cope as I dont feel that I do cope very well. Like you, my home is my safe space and I absolutely hate having to have any tradespeople here (as well as the horrible feeling of violation of privacy, they always make such a mess and treat my home like it doesn't matter if the work is of a good standard, presumably as we are HA tenants).
So while I can't offer any advice (calling and requesting the job be done properly is a huge feat for most people who over think and have anxiety)- I can offer a wave and to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this. I'm sorry that you feel like this as I honestly find it debilitating most days. I hope it brings you some comfort to know you are not alone and hopefully someone can advise on the plumber!

Thank you, to even know you’re not alone is of some consolation. I hide this from everyone from fear of being judged.

interesting about the Menopause, I’m 50 so maybe that could be causing this too.

Sending you lots of good thoughts and consider speaking to your GP about HRT.

Thank you for your kind words, they really resonated with me.

This weekend was the first time I didn’t want to leave the house but had to go to the supermarket.

I just haven’t had it in me to even brush my hair or change into fresh clothes.

So skulked round the aisles hoping no one I knew, especially not from work, saw me.

There have been times recently when I don’t feel happy to actually be alive. Just that being here is a constant jumble of worry and problems, it’s exhausting.

I wish I could wake up and things would feel more positive and hopeful.

I wouldn’t contemplate ending things but so sick of this daily battle with myself.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

You may have an underlying condition such as CPTSD or codependency especially if you have had a difficult childhood. I tried anti depressants they never worked for my anxiety I believe some people had success with beta blockers to help with the physical symptoms.

The psychological symptoms can only be dealt with long term with therapy really.

I find Heidi Priebe on YouTube has some great videos around codependency and CPTSD to help gain some understanding why you feel the way you do

Honestly, I could have written this myself. I have had a massive leak in my bedroom over the last 2 days and I can see water down the walls and on the ceiling so I’ve had to book quotes from different tradesmen to come tomorrow. I get incredibly anxious at the thought of anyone coming into my house.
All aspects of it. Workmen with Boots leaving marks all over the floor, having them stomping around the house. I really hate it. And thinking of this leak, I’m so so anxious about it. I keep thinking the ceiling is going to fall in. I hate the thought of anything happening to my house and the anxiety is unbearable sometimes.

I have therapy every week and I do different nervous system regulation exercises that actually really do help.
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m capable of handling these situations. I handled many incredibly hard situations in my life. But ones like this still make me very anxious

i’m sorry you’re going through this and believe me when I say that I know how hard it is.

Well done for even getting the work booked in and opening the door!
I am at the point I've had over 4 people say they'd quote and not turn up. Now I am getting anxiety that I am on a blacklist somewhere for something. I also had a bad experience with a tradesman who was having a breakdown and drinking heavily that I found on CheckaTrade. I wrote a negative review as he became aggressive and turned up drunk, broke over £400 worth of worktop and left all of his tools at my house for 3 weeks while he went on a bender! Like you I was trying to appease him and finally the thought of him doing it to another woman made me write the feedback. Now I am spiralling that the other trades have "taken his side" or something and now I'm black listed.

I know it is possibly my anxiety, but there is a large part of me that sees trades as a big boys club.

You've done well getting him in and then standing up for yourself. Try to get some sleep and leave any more action on it for another day.

Thank you, some really helpful advice there, I’ll definitely take a look at the videos.

So sorry to hear about what’s happened, that sounds awful for you. I really hope you’ve had some positive news and found someone to repair who you have faith in.

I feel like tradespeople should be kind and caring, explain in full detail what they will do and check that you understand and are okay with that. And respect your home.

I think when your home is your sanctuary, you become very protective, it becomes hard to deal with situations that seem to threaten your peace and take that calm away from you.

There are times when I feel like selling up and buying the smallest, simplest and cheapest property which would suit my needs.

And of course the financial hit we have to take as costs have increased so much, my wages have gone up a pittance after a pay freeze for two years. I’m really starting to feel the pinch, costly repairs are the last thing I need.

Sending you lots of positive wishes.

What a shocking thing to happen! That’s really dreadful, you must have felt so anxious.

I think if that happened to me now I’d have a meltdown. I didn’t used to be this weak and a shivering wreck, I hardly recognise the person I’ve become.

Well done for leaving the review and warning others.

I think back to all the jobs I have done and there’s not many times when someone has wowed me and I’ve thought a job well done. Usually I’m disappointed in some way by the quality of workmanship.

Your comment about being blacklisted.

I had a decorator doing some work around 10 years ago. A real strange character. He told me that he’d once been kidnapped, thrown into the boot of a car, driven to a forest, beaten up and left for dead.

He used to turn up, do a little bit of decorating, then sit in the garden smoking cannabis and ordering takeaway pizza. One day he didn’t show and wouldn’t answer the phone, he didn’t appear for over a week.

I packed all his stuff into one room and used his dustpan and brush to clean up the wallpaper scrapings he’d on the floor. When he finally came back to collect his things, he was furious that I’d dared to move them and use his dustpan and brush.

He actually said that he’d make sure that no other tradespeople in the local area would ever work for me again and he’d have me black listed.

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

I've had talking therapy and the breathing exercises and looking for visual items such as five blue things, five red things etc. really helped.

I also wrote a worry diary and had a specific set worry time which I thought was a strange concept but it did work.

I guess the issue is that once you start to feel better, you don’t keep ip with the new practices you’ve learned. And then it all comings crashing back. I’m not sure if these issues ever go away or are cured, I think they’re always lurking in the background.

I’ve ordered some oils now so thank you so much for the suggestion, something I’ve never thought of so looking forward to giving them a go.

Wow, that sounds nasty too. I've had loads of work over the years and usually the worst part is someone too chatty or slow or not cleaning up or breaking something. Sometimes you really do see why they wouldn't be able to work with someone else...

Hope you are feeling better today.

If you do find yourself spiralling more with anxious thoughts I'd recommend having bloods checked for B12 and also ask about HRT - it could be peri sneaking up. I am on low level proprananol which as someone upthread said really helps (beta blockers). I'd say as a solution to the physical effects, racing heart and panic, they can really help turn a corner.