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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that my son wasn’t invited to a birthday party?

13 replies

YourRubyHiker · 21/09/2025 22:24

To be honest, it’s the second year now and I was upset for him last year but this year I’m just baffled more than anything.

Basically, it’s 5 of them best mates at school (age 8). Same football team, always hanging out together etc. The boy who had his birthday is absolutely lovely. Maybe short fused but they all know how to handle him. My son is a very well liked child at school, I know he hasn’t got a bad bone in his body.

We’ve been inviting the boy (let’s name him R) to my son’s birthdays always. I’m friendly with his mom. She always says hi, very smiley etc.

last year almost the whole class (including all of the football team) were invited apart from my son. My son knew where the party was and asked his dad to take him to the venue without telling him why. They obviously run into R’s party and it was very awkward.

I discarded it as they probably didn’t remember us. We still invited R to our parties and were always nice to him.

This year the same thing again. The whole class and football team are invited apart from my son. Tempted to cut off all future parties but is it petty? The boys are such good mates. I really don’t understand why they single us out.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/09/2025 22:31

If it is really the whole class /football team then yes would have to ask the parent if something was wrong not having an invite as your son is upset and you /he thought they were friends

many will say no don’t ask
but if happened twice now

don’t ask don’t know

Katflapkit · 21/09/2025 22:34

Why does your son think he's not invited. Has he asked the boy?

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2025 22:36

I've had this twice, saw the parties on Facebook, felt totally gutted for DS and both times it was a mistake. First time he left the invitation in his tray at school. Second time party boy messed up the invitations. Messaged the Mum for the second one. "Hi Mum, I saw on Facebook that it was party boy's party yesterday. Obviously totally up to him who he invites, but just wanted to check that nothing has happened between them that we should know about".

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/09/2025 22:36

Is it definitely that the other boys have had formal invites and yours didn't get one? He hasn't lost it or something?

And were the parties number capped at all? Eg 11 in a team but only 10 spaces?

I think I'd have to ask what was going on. Inviting everyone apart from one person is bullying

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 21/09/2025 22:37

The whole class and whole football team? There is definitely something up. You have to ask his mother. Are there class and football group chats? How is she inviting all these children?

YourRubyHiker · 21/09/2025 23:27

I doubt it’s because my son didn’t see an invite - we tend to do all party invitations via WhatsApp.
… I guess I’ll never know. Don’t fancy asking R’s mom tbh because I don’t want to hear a fake excuse and don’t want to sound confrontational either. It’s just a kid’s party… but it feels like being back at school again.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 21/09/2025 23:33

At age 8 can't your son just ask his friend why he didn't invite him?

It does seem very unfair. I would not be inviting the other boy to your parties until I knew more about the reasons.

Endofyear · 21/09/2025 23:36

I'm surprised your son hasn't asked his friend why he wasn't invited?

CheeseyOnionPie · 21/09/2025 23:40

If the invites are done on WhatsApp then I’m assuming it’s either via an existing group chat or one by one? Could the mum have your number wrong or does she manage to message you fine at other times?

YourRubyHiker · 21/09/2025 23:46

i’ll ask my son to ask R because I’m sure they will talk about it tomorrow…
@CheeseyOnionPie we’re on multiple groups together & she hasn’t changed her phone and neither have I 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 22/09/2025 00:12

In a workplace inviting everyone but one person is considered bullying nowadays. This once happened to me many years ago. I turned up with two colleagues (who had no idea I was not invited). Of course the hostess could not say anything in front of the other guests and I enjoyed that I made it akward for her. I even proposed a toast thanking her for her hospitality. A few weeks later I was organising a night out because I was leaving to go back to college. I made a point of inviting my unwilling hostess in front of others. She turned on her heel and walked off. At least I knew I had invited everyone - even the dragon lady boss.

Katflapkit · 22/09/2025 02:03

In your original post, you mention one of the boys is a little hot headed but the others know how to deal with it - was this the birthday boy or your son?

Could you not ask another mum you're more friendly with? If your son was the only child not invited for two years running, others will have noticed.

coxesorangepippin · 22/09/2025 02:21

I'd ask the mother tbh

That's really poor behavior

I'd also not bother inviting her son over again

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