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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughters boyfriend staying over .. being waited on

27 replies

Needacupofteaandcrackers · 21/09/2025 22:22

My daughter is anxious anyway. Her boyfriend’s visits have to be prefect in every way, she creates alot of stress for herself and me beforehand…very high cleaning standards and meal expectations. This was fine to begin with …wanted to create a good impression. But 2 years on and he sleeps till 11am only comes done when food is ready my daughter cooks and waits on him … as I no longer serve a cooked breakfast. Does not help clear away on clean pans. Rests and sleeps most of the day, went for family walk but then Again for dinner always ready at the table a family sit down meal was prepared by me but no help cleaning. He has mentioned that his mum does everything at home. But I think he’s just lazy and my daughter could do better, we all work.

OP posts:
Lamento · 21/09/2025 22:23

How old are they?

Original poster
Needacupofteaandcrackers · 21/09/2025 22:24

My daughter is 21 boyfriend 25

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 21/09/2025 22:24

Sounds like this is what he’s used to at home, your DD needs to nip it in the bud. How old are they?

Hedgehogbrown · 21/09/2025 22:25

I'd call him out when she's there. What's he going to be like a a future husband and Father? He's going to be a lazy bastard. He expects women to clean up after him. If it embarrassed your daughter then so be it. She needs to see that she shouldn't be running after men like that.

RudyRudester · 21/09/2025 22:27

After dinner...'Boyfriend can you clear the plates please and then rinse and put in the dishwasher, thanks'

Your Daughter needs to wake up a bit

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 21/09/2025 22:28

F that shit
Do not help your dd with meals when he’s around either, sounds mean I know, but you need her to see for herself the injustice of doing it all, hopefully she will then see what a lazy entitled sexist pig he is.

Lamento · 21/09/2025 22:28

Definitely lazy then. At like 18 you might be a bit more sympathetic, but 25?

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 21/09/2025 22:29

Actually it’s your house, tell him to help out or get out and stop taking the piss.

Katflapkit · 21/09/2025 22:29

25! I would be telling him to help clear the table, hand a pile of dishes to load the dish washer or a cloth to dry the dishes. Remind him it's been 2 years and it's not hotel and you are not his mother.

Lavender14 · 21/09/2025 22:29

You need to have a conversation with your dd about shared load and what she wants from a partner and how this will look when she's also juggling work and kids etc. I'd also be gently wondering if he's controlling in other ways. Is this expected or demanded of her.

RudyRudester · 21/09/2025 22:29

Or he doesn't stay over if he's not going to chip in
🤷‍♀️

RudyRudester · 21/09/2025 22:30

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 21/09/2025 22:29

Actually it’s your house, tell him to help out or get out and stop taking the piss.

This

amateurgobshite · 21/09/2025 22:30

I thought you were talking about a mid teenager, not a fully grown man. He needs a kick up the backside, not waited on!

Bobiverse · 21/09/2025 22:33

It’s your house; tell him to get off his arse and was he the dishes. Set an example for your daughter. That was your job, and it obviously didn’t take as she is acting like this man’s maid. So put your foot down.

Have you actually talked to her about this? Have you asked what sort of life she wants, what home life she wants and split of labour?

Dungeonsanddraggingafternoons · 21/09/2025 22:34

He sounds awful. Don’t let her get trapped in this domestic servitude.

GreyBeeplus3 · 21/12/2025 21:52

So he unfortunately lives with you?
I myself wouldn't have entertained that
Sounds like he's extracting the lemonade and knows it
Bet his family had enough of him so got rid;
I'll wager
He then picked up on your daughters sensitivity and took advantage, as most of his type do
Ask your daughter this
'Whatever has he done for the family especially you dear?'
She needs to stop being such a person pleaser because she will always have someone wipe their feet on her back
And she deserves better than that
Tell him if he doesn't help, he doesn't stay
And can go back home to mummy
Also
No job?
I'd love to sleep till 11 most mornings

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 22:08

Can you be more active in involving him? ‘Jimmy, can you help me clear the table, empty the dishwasher’ etc.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 21/12/2025 22:10

How would your daughter react if you told her that he's not to be waited on and he needs to pull his weight, or he doesn't stay over at all?

BlondeBonBon · 21/12/2025 22:14

Start asking him to do things ‘just set the table for me Pete’ ‘your turn to cook tomorrow night Pete’ ‘Pete, load the dishwasher while I make us a cup of tea’

failing that I’d sit him down and talk about his lazy behaviour and the expectations in your house.

Thebillsareringing · 30/12/2025 11:02

I’d have a word directly with your daughter, and ask is this what she wants and why is she doing it?

I don’t think there’s much point only asking him to help without chatting to your daughter too. It’s your house but it’s their relationship and she needs to be on board with changing things and be open to telling him to help out or she’ll just swoop in to do whatever you’ve asked of him.

Do they have a traditional split though on the sense that he pays for everything if they go out? If so maybe this is what she’s happy with. Still wouldn’t be keen on it for my child but she’s an adult, there’s only so much you can do.

MeridianB · 30/12/2025 11:30

Does he work?

I would be heartbroken to see my daughter trained to become a skivvy like this. Your DD needs help in raising her standards and ditching this guy.

IAmKerplunk · 30/12/2025 11:47

You say to him bright and breezy ‘you are on clearing up duty tonight’ You say to him ‘it’s your turn to run the hoover round’ and when he says his mum does everything for him you respond like he was 7 (when that kind of shit worked) ‘how lovely, things are different in this house. Then you flash a big smile.

And you have big chats with your dd

IAmKerplunk · 30/12/2025 11:52

How often does he stay over? You need to have a chat that all people in the house need to pull their weight. A guest is someone who stays over every few months. He is no longer a guest. Does he never offer to treat you to a takeaway as a thank you? Or cook a meal.
What happens when your dd stays at his?
I hate to raise the dp issue - but do you have a male dp who can back you and say ‘come on mate, we’re clearing up tonight’
Create a WhatsApp group and give everybody (of all ages) of options of what housework they want to do. I used to do this and would list bathroom, toilet, stairs, lounge, kitchen, cooking dinner- then they all chose.

Tell me nobody is doing his washing?

onyourway · 30/12/2025 11:56

We had a little prince like that as dd1’s boyfriend a couple of years ago. All it took was one ‘Up you get, sunshine’ at the end of the meal and he got the hint 😀

Bananalanacake · 30/12/2025 18:30

Yes but does he work? If he doesn't you tell dd not to waste her life on a lazy shit, if he does work he still needs to help around the house.