Boy in her class picking on 8 year old DD

[Happythecrocodile1]

8yr old DD sits next to a boy who picks on her. She also sat next to him last term and he was horrible then, constantly making horrible comments/taking her things/breaking her ruler etc etc etc. I asked last years teacher if she could be moved away from him and she didn’t, to be honest I think it was the last month or so of school and she was checked out. I’ve emailed the new class teacher and again asked can my daughter be moved away from this boy and explained why. For context this boy is known to be “unkind” to others in the class too, but he has a tight knit gang of minions who like to join in and I think this is why DD is scared to tell on him.
If they do nothing, or she’s moved but he continues to be horrible, do you think I should ask his mum for a chat? I feel bloody awkward about it and I don’t know her so don’t know how well received it would be, but this kid is literally menacing my daughter every day and I’m pissed off about it. I’m also trying to instil in DD that she needs to stand up to him/tell the teacher what he’s doing, but she’s scared of retaliation from him and his friends. Any advice from anyone who’s dealt with this sort of nonsense before very welcome! Thankyou!

Don't go speaking to the other parent. Let the school continue to deal with it. At 8 do you collect/drop off yourself or are the in breakfast or after-school club every day? If you do collect I would have a word with the teacher then. Explain what he is doing and ask if she can be moved.

Do your school not provide equipment? I would be raising that too as an issue if you are providing it and how it is being broken, and ask for the school to instead provide the essentials (my children's school provide equipment, it is not the norm to take in your own things).

Unfortunately she is in breakfast club and after school club so I don’t have the opportunity to speak to her teacher at dropoff/pickup.
The school haven’t dealt with it to date, so I’m just wondering how long do I let this go on for.
It 100% cringes me out the idea of “having a word” with his mum or dad, I’m aware they will forever probably dislike me if I do, but DD is getting picked on and I need to protect her 😢

And yes, the kids all have to take their own stuff in. He doesn’t go for her stuff because he doesn’t have his own, he does, he takes her things/breaks her things because he can because he’s a little prick.

You need to email the headteacher with an attached letter listing the specific incidents of bullying by this boy and request the

• immediate moving of the boy to another class
• urgent discussion between head and boy’s parent(s) on bullying
• boy needs to be taken aside and instructed on what is bullying and given a warning.

request written response within 10days and meeting with head within 20days to discuss whether their actions to stop the bullying have been sufficient.

You need to email/phone in then. What has been the response from the teacher this year?
If you are emailing then that gives you a paper trail.
Dear X, I am just following up my email from last week where I contacted you about boy. DD is still sitting next to him despite my request for a change and this week he (broke her ruler) (insert whatever unkind thing has happened). Could you please arrange for a new seat for DD as requested?

If they don't act on this then you have a paper copy and can see you have now asked twice. If you have to email again then you could include the headteacher.
Yes the boy may still be unkind even if they move seats, but are you just going to let her sit there anyway?
If he is unkind in the playground again email - Dear X thank you for arranging a new seat for DD, she is much happier sitting next to X. Unfortunately boy continues to be unkind during break times. He is (insert unkind behaviour). I understand these times are when he isn't with you, but could you please ask the lunchtime supervisors to keep an eye on him and DD.

Go to the school website and print off a copy of their anti-bullying policy.

Highlight all the areas where they have failed your DD, send an email to the teacher and head and explain that you want the situation dealt with as they are currently not adhering to their own policies.

Ask for a meeting in person with both the teacher and the head to find out what their next steps will be to ensure the bullying stops.

Take notes during the meeting, confirm everything in writing to them afterwards as to what was agreed in said meeting and let them know immediately of any future issues.

should ask his mum for a chat?

Do not chat with mum (or dad). All she or he will say to you is “My precious son would never…”

Don't chat with other parents (ever) about stuff like this.
Do check the bullying policy and do email the head every single time this happens. Press for her to be moved. If it doesn't happen, refer to the Governors.
But if you get nowhere and she's unhappy, do consider changing schools.

Reality is this kid is probably a pain in the arse and half the mums in class will have been at school gate insisting their kid has done their turn sat by him and needs to move away from him. All you can do is the same - unfortunately if moving the seats around will make the teachers life harder work, it means you have to be a giant pain in the arse until you become a bigger problem. You may need to use annual leave or try and plead dentist appt to get out of work early one day to be a nuisance in person at the school gate.

Is your DD relatively calm and reasonably less likely to be distracted by a difficult child? If so this is why she is getting parked next to this kid. It happens to my DD. In the old days a load of less academic or badly behaved kids would have been seated together with a TA to rule over them and the teacher wasn't expected to perform a miracle to get every child to a particular level. Ability or behaviour based tables then became very unfashionable and TA resource reduced. As a result kids with challenging or distracting behaviour are now typically spread around the room so no one can avoid them, there'll be one on every table.

Make an appointment to speak to the teacher face to face. Be prepared to escalate it if the teacher’s response is unsatisfactory.

You need to advocate for your DD.

Don speak to the other mum.