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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend distancing herself and being false

6 replies

Fortyisnotold · 21/09/2025 20:44

Ok so I will try and keep this brief! My friend split up with her husband last year and confided in me that she no longer wanted to be married to him after 20 odd years and that it was her decision. She told me there was no one else involved but suspected he had a girlfriend after she told him it was over. She made a big deal out of this and played the victim as in ‘how can he move on so quickly’. I felt for her. Turns out now she has a boyf. This has progressed quickly according to her timeline from when they ‘met’. I have since found out that other friends (& now I) suspected this had been going on before her marriage ended. Since publicly splitting from her husband she has thrown herself into this relationship having zero time for any of her friends, taking days to reply to messages, being too busy to meet up etc. any interactions with her are full of falseness and she confides nothing in me anymore. A group of us go on a diving holiday every year including her - she only knows these people through me - is it awful if I suggest they don’t ask her to go? And how do I do that without her knowing I have had enough of her lies? I don’t want a confrontation as I have to see her a couple of times a month through work. Am i overreacting and should I just suck it up and be as false as her for the holiday? Or not go myself?

OP posts:
NewPinkJacket · 22/09/2025 00:49

Yeah just don't go.

You have absolutely no proof she cheated on her DH before splitting and to be honest, it's not really your business is it?

If your suspicions and the fact she now has a bit less time for friends because she's in a new relationship means you're no longer keen on her, that's fine.

But to ask others to exclude her is bullying behaviour.

andfinallyhereweare · 22/09/2025 05:26

I can see why she’s distantancing herself from you.

Susiy · 15/11/2025 11:09

Mid-life crisis or just was unhappily married for a very long time and now wants some happiness before she gets too old or kicks the bucket.
Stop judging her.

FuzzyWolf · 15/11/2025 11:16

It’s not surprising she is distancing herself from you. I would as well.

Make sure that the diving group aren’t put in a position of having to choose and end up picking her over you.

CementCement · 15/11/2025 11:21

If you don’t want to go on holiday with her, then just don’t go on the diving holiday. It’s not your job to get your friends to punish her retrospectively for possible infidelity because you’re annoyed she’s neglecting you.

Fortyisnotold · 29/11/2025 18:44

Thanks for the feedback, I guess I wasn’t seeing it from her point of view at all and I am trying to be more understanding. Ultimately I just want her to be happy and perhaps in time when she has settled into her new relationship we can spend some time together more. We have discussed the holiday and she has been invited but has not committed yet. I will continue to be friendly when I see her at work and try to get our friendship back on track (if she wants).

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