Sleepover snub

[ThisBrickPlayer]

Help me - can’t work out whether I should call out another mum for lying?

So, my DD and another 4 girls made friends at nursery. They’re now 10 going on 11. The mums and I all made friends, have a group chat and have been on holidays, dinners, nights out etc over the years.

There’s one mum I don’t really like as much as the rest. However, while the other children have all gone to different schools our children are in the same class and our younger DDs are also the same age. So I suck it up and am always friendly. Both my DDs consider her DDs one of their very best friends.

Her DD, along with the rest of the nursery friends, has had a sleepover at my house every year for my daughter's birthday for around 7 years.

I sent this year’s invite out about a month ago in the group chat. Everyone else responded, this woman didn’t. I chased up in a private text two weeks ago and she said that she wasn’t sure as they have a family party the next day. She then text again to say she may be able to swing it and would let me know. Fine.

Today another school mum got in touch to ask if my daughter can go to a birthday sleepover for that same night. I said no, explaining why, and she text back to say this woman’s kid and another kid had already said yes this morning but she’d maybe rearrange the date so my DD could come.

This woman has lied to me. I’m sure she’s as cool on me as I am on her, but this feels like a slight to my child a d I’m livid.

Another mum in the nursery group was with me today as this all played out and said to just leave it. AIBU to think I can call her out?

Call her out? To what purpose?
She doesn’t care what you think.

I agree with your friend, you should leave it. There might be several reasons she didn't want her DD at your sleepover not related to your DD directly. Maybe she thinks the dynamic has been off lately, or maybe one of the other girls hasn't been getting on with her DD. Or maybe her DD expressed some reason for not wanting to come.

But, it’s another Mum who has arranged the sleepover. You don’t know the timings of the invite to that party, or if they were extended informally or discussed between the children before any invites went out. Perhaps making it awkward as your DD’s friend wants to go to the other party?

I think I agree with the other Mum. Leave it. It’s easy to assume the negative as you don’t like this woman. But it may just be unfortunate timings.

I don’t think any good will come of calling her out. You don’t want to impact your children’s friendship. She’ll know that you’ve found out if the other mum moves the date.

It’s probably because they are eleven and friendships are less about who they were friends with when they were three and more about who they have things in common with.

The mother does not want to say ‘Lucy doesn’t want to come’ so she’s made up an excuse.

Call her out? You don’t know any of the backstory. There could be a reason why things have turned out as they have which isn’t a snub at all. What do you expect to happen if you do, except making things hard for your children?

Call her out because her kid wants to go to a different sleepover? Take your friends advice leave it or risk looking a fool.

If I’ve learnt one thing whilst having a teenager daughter, it’s stay well out of the drama!

Dont call her out, don’t do anything. Your daughter’s friends are coming, they’ll have a great time and you’ll keep your dignity intact!

Nothing to gain by calling it out. Maybe they’re just not as friendly any more. Leave it.

This woman has lied to me. I’m sure she’s as cool on me as I am on her, but this feels like a slight to my child a d I’m livid.

You are far too involved in your child's social life and taking this far too personally.

Don't be "that mum", you will be the reason why everybody avoids your child.

I have seen it, parents telling their kids not to get anywhere near a child, because it was not worth it, the mother was making such drama over anything, no one could be bothered. The child was fine!