Should I stay or should I go...?

[BillyCatBillyCat123]

Please be gentle with me as I'm in a bit of emotional pain atm.

For context, me and my DP have a beautiful 11 month old DD together and we co-parent like a well-oiled machine, so there are no issues there.

The problem lies with us - we don't talk as much as we used to, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms because of our baby and sex hasn't occurred since she was born. We have had some major arguments recently and I think we are both ruminating over what was said - both in anger and DP, in brutal honesty. He mentioned my gaining weight during pregnancy and the fact it's still there, but surely he should appreciate the fact that throughout a very difficult pregnancy, I carried, birthed and then breastfed his child?

I feel pretty defeated, rejected and hurt and wonder if our relationship has hit the rocks? I am not keen to split up as I don't want my baby growing up in a broken home and my ethnic background makes it extremely difficult to make the choice to become a single parent. Added to which, the money - not sure I could pay for the rent, nursery, bills etc. by myself.

That being said, though I love him, I think this more to do with his parenting skills, as opposed to him being a partner to me. I dream of getting married to my best friend in front of the world, only I'm not sure if it should be with him.

I have mentioned how I feel before and then stupidly issued an ultimatum for when we should be intimate by. All to no avail! My AIBU is this... am I prolonging the inevitable, here? What should I do? What would you do? Thanks

The few years after your first child is born can be the most difficult time in a marriage. I wouldn't rush to divorce before trying counselling, having some fun outings together, reconnecting etc first.

Commenting on your weight is really not fair, kind or acceptable. I would ask that he apologise and acknowledge how entirely natural and normal it is for a woman’s body’s to have changed during the birth and aftermath. He seems to have no appreciation for how much of a huge physical ordeal it is!

⬆️ You’re both out of sorts focussing on your baby and if that’s working well isn’t that a sign of how good you are together?
Give it time - it’s a huge decision and you’re not in a terrible place just it could be better.

Totally agree.

My advice would be to ask the GP or health visitor where is the best place in your area for advice. They know about this kind of problem, will be concerned and will understand about who would be best placed to help.

Or if you don't like that idea, look for couples counsellors in your local area.

Thank you for your responses. I still need to have the conversation with him, but finding it quite difficult to initiate it. Our anniversary is on Friday and we are planning on going to a restaurant - would it be appropriate to have a discussion then?

Bringing up serious issues on a fun night out for your anniversary could cause more friction. You could always have a laugh and chat on your night out, reconnect a bit and then bring it up sometime over the next week.