Cutting back on drinking

[mywrathdidgrow]

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with alcohol lately. I was a huge binge drinker in my teens and twenties, and some of my thirties if I’m being honest. Really hammered it on weekends, got myself in some pretty dodgy situations but rarely drank at home. I actually look back on nights out from my younger days and cringe at how much I drank but I was genuinely quite ignorant about the damage booze can do to you beyond the next day hangover.

Now I’m almost 40 and very rarely go out drinking. A few times a year at most. However I have gotten into the habit of a glass of wine (sometimes 2) maybe 4-5 nights a week. I think I do it more from habit and boredom than anything else. It signals the end of the day, time to relax and gives me a nice warm buzz without feeling pissed.

Im sure people will very quickly tell me I have an alcohol dependency but it isn’t the case. If I can’t drink because I have commitments or need to drive it’s absolutely not an issue. But I do enjoy it and I do struggle to give up entirely in the same way that I fail every diet I try to go on - lack of willpower to stop doing the things I like even though I can accept they aren’t serving me well.

That said, I do worry about my health more. I think on average I’m probably hitting around 2 bottles of wine a week, maybe two and a half. So that’s over my 14 units and as I get older I do need to take my long term health into consideration more. So if anyone has managed to cut back on habitual drinking I’d be interested in any tips. I can’t usually get out much on an evening as Dh works and I have the dc.

First of all, well done for posting on here! You open yourself up to judgement but hopefully this is a safe space. It’s clear that you’re worried and I think that’s enough to mean you should change your behaviour. It’s ridiculous how normalised drinking to excess is at university, and in your 20s. I’m sure we’re all in for a shock in 30 years’ time. I would agree that you should cut down. It’s easy for the drinking to creep up as a thing to do each evening especially when bored. Have you trying other things? Maybe a sparkling water or juice? Or try planning non-alcoholic treats to help you unwind like a bath or a good book? I often find myself bored in the evening and end up snacking which is not good. TV is the classic but sometimes I find reading or a bath help to do something genuinely relaxing. Whatever you decide, you can do it! Sounds like you have great self awareness and control - just need to nip this in the bud?!

I gave up drinking around 3 years ago. I made the decision to stop for a while as I was drinking a few nights a week, out of habit I think. I just haven’t gone back to it as I don’t feel the need. I may have a drink again, may not. I drink alcohol free lager and sometimes nosecco now on an evening. I feel so much better for it.

I’m a fair bit older than you. I reduced how much I drink. I started aiming for 3 alcohol free days a week then 4 then 5. I still have a drink on a Friday / Saturday night or if out with friends.

Once you break the habit of drinking at home, it gets easier and won’t need so much willpower.
I used an app for a while which helped. (It’s called drinkless). A one day at a time approach is better for me than doing something drastic.
Having lots of nice drinks in the fridge really helps. I like fever tree tonic in various flavours and alcohol free lagers.

Thanks all I don’t really like alcohol free beers etc but I could maybe get some nice soft drinks, that feel a bit more like a treat.

I do enjoy that slightly tipsy feeling I won’t lie. It’s relaxing and kind of gives a sense of occasion to the night if that makes any sense. I have at least two, sometimes 3 sober nights a week but I feel like even that is taking up too much headspace.

I do sometimes worry about the potential harm I’ve already done to my body, especially in my binge drinking days.

I would find some other way to relax that you enjoy. It won't feel the same as have a couple of glasses of wine, but should help you unwind.

I cut back massively at the start of this year. Bought trip/cbd drinks and alcohol free beer and cocktails. It's often just the ritual you're looking forward to rather than the actual booze.

Also, at 44 alcohol hits me like a train!

I used to drink a bottle of wine or two most weekends. I basically made the decision a few months ago to stop drinking at home and I limit myself to one drink when we eat out once or twice a week. It's been easier than I thought, I've had to retrain myself to stop viewing alcohol as the best way to unwind after a busy week etc. If you can come up with a different hobby or activity to do at least for the first few weeks, I found that helped. Mine is doing a jigsaw with an alcohol free G&T for a bit when I get home from work. The Panache brand of shandy is also a decent low alcohol (0.5%) alternative (better than all the fancy expensive AF beers I've tried). Then focus on the positives, like feeling less tired the day after, having more time to get things done as I'm no longer drunk/slightly hungover for many hours of the week. I read somewhere that stopping binge drinking is like 'doing life in easy mode' and I do think there's some truth to that!

The trade off is, I think about how I'm hopefully still young enough to improve my health, before I've caused enough damage that I'm forced to go teetotal. I'll probably drink a bit more over Christmas if I feel like it, but at the moment I'm of the mindset I can take it or leave it. Cutting right back on drinking is part of getting healthy, so I hopefully have less health problems as I get older. I eat better and try to stay active, so getting wrecked every weekend would feel like it was undoing all my hard work.

The body can recover, but not if you don’t let it.

Stop for a month, then try Friday and Saturday only. When you get mission creep, take a month off again.

I also find zero beer helps trick my brain into being satisfied I’ve had a drink. It’s then easier to get back to Fri/Sat only, say after a holiday when a glass with dinner every night is the more normal. Perhaps zero gin might work?

I’m about 8 months in after making a similar decision to cut down drinking in general. Like pp I’ve found drinking a grown up soft drink is a really good substitute. Alcohol free gin and tonic cans and mint and elderflower cordial are my favourite substitutes, I make a production out of it and use a nice glass and ice and this helps it feel more like a treat I guess.
the other thing I do which works for me is to congratulate myself the morning after for not drinking, the more I do that then if I’m dithering about whether to have a glass of wine in the evening I remember that feeling from the morning and chose not to.
I track my alcohol drinking and alcohol free days on an app which is a nice visual way to look at how much less I’m drinking now. It wasn’t easy when I first started but it is much easier now to avoid alcohol, I’ve also done several social occasions alcohol free, bottomless brunches and evenings out now too because I think my relationship with alcohol and the importance i placed on it is changing. I was lucky that I’ve got a few friends who have also made similar decisions so we can be all self congratulatory and smug together 🤣

Good luck OP!

Read Alcohol Explained. That will put you right off!

Limit yourself to weekends only. No exceptions. Get some sober or sober curious podcasts and follow some instagram accounts. Read ‘quit like a woman’. Make sure your magnesium is optimal through supplements and salt baths. Use cold water therapy if a craving or urge hits you. Pile DC in the car and just drive, make it an adventure. If you usually drink once they are in bed have a plan; get DH on board and explain he needs to support you while you break cycle. Good luck 😍

I've never been a habitual home drinker (but sure I could become one) so I can tell you what I do.

Never have alcohol at home or buy alcohol at home.

For recipes only buy single glass bottles.

If I was trying to cut down I think in the first instance I'd bam myself from buying bottles. Only allow yourself to buy single glass bottles. You will soon realise that its bankrupting you as its the most expensive way to drink. Then find some interesting things to drink instead - I'm a big fan of those flavoured water drinks by Dash.

Another think I like is dark chocolate. So a favourite dessert is some fat free Greek yoghurt mixed with walnuts for healthy fat with frozen cherries from the freezer and some dark chocolate. You can also make not too unhealthy avocado and dark chocolate mousse. Or for savory grissini breadsticks and olives. Basically swap it for something.

Lastly look at your diet. Alcohol is empty calories. Are you eating enough. As maybe your body is just craving the calories. Swap the calories for more nutritious ones - bigger portions of healthy food.

Set yourself some dates and targets. I'll go one week for example. Get a wall calendar and tick it off each day. Give yourself a star for a whole week (I'm doing this ATM for a medication I need to take). Do something to appreciate your effort when you get to 1 week, 2 weeks, 3, a month, two months, three months, six months and a year. Write out why you are doing it - what is your real motivation here, tie it to that. Add a reminder to your phone to review each week - ask curious questions, how did I do, any barriers, why, what could I do etc. Maybe put the money saved towards something you really need to buy at the moment but don't have the funds for. Find an evening activity to do instead - a course you want to do, a book you want to read, a project you want to start.

Make a plan for social situations so these don't derail you.

the other thing I do which works for me is to congratulate myself the morning after for not drinking this is such a great strategy, for everything really not just drinking!

I drive on socials, I’d never drink and drive so that sorts that.

Drinkaware app is good for recording alcohol consumption. The yellow teacup days are weirdly satisfying

For me, it helps to think of the reasons why I don't want to drink too much eg lose weight, sleep better, save money, better health

Focus on the benefits of not drinking, so you don't want to. That's far better and easier than wanting to drink but relying on willpower. Change your mindset and the rest will follow

I’m trying not to drink, it makes me
feel so rubbish.

I’ve started getting those CBD drinks like Trip. I have a glass with lots of ice, slice of lemon and a nice straw. I like to trick myself into believing it’s a G&T.

I love waking up on a weekend completely free of the effects of alcohol.

I was the much the same in terms of drinking habits but a year ago, after a family tragedy, found myself drinking more and more to cope and had all the knock on effects.. Physically and mentally crippling hangovers, weight gain and risky behaviour ensued so decided to stop a few months ago. I read some of the quit lit books and used the alcohol support forum on here and it's all been going fine.
I think the best thing to do if you have a niggling worry is take about 3months off booze and assess how it's going.
I miss drinking from time to time but nothing like I imagined. There are other ways to relax. As I near the end of my 30s I noticed a lot of my friends drink very little, I just didn't noticed when I was drunk myself.

You are recognising the addictive negative mindset around alcohol. Insert food, drugs, smoking, I have been there, it is supposed to be a habit, routine but it is damaging that some of us need substances to make us happy, satisfied.
I'm a similar age to you, life choices catch up on our health.
Good luck cutting down.

I was drinking every night (for years!) and at the turn of this year decided to cut out weekday drinking completely. It has been made easier for me by some delicious zero alcohol G&Ts, and having fizzy water on tap to make servings of heavily diluted squash.

When Friday evening arrives, I really enjoy some wine, but then barely ever drink on Saturdays as I feel like I had my ‘fix’ the night before. On Sundays I limit it to a glass or two of wine with Sunday lunch.

I’d like to say I’m feeling much better, physically, from this adjustment to my drinking, but 9 months in I can’t say I’ve noticed any difference (apart from the simple knowledge that I’m not abusing my body as much). My appetite has increased though - dangerous!!

I don’t go out out that often, mostly round to friends houses with multiple bottles of Prosecco. My friends are now used to me rocking up with a big bottle of sparkling water, a treat fizzy drink and even me saying to the host ‘do you mind if I make myself a cup of tea’. Once they are a bottle down no one even notices I’m not drinking. I notice though!

I realise I’m a lot quieter when not drinking. But then I also do not wake up the next morning going over the things I’ve said and cringing. The loud ‘fun’ person I am when drunk is not actually me. I’ve got to the age where I don’t give a fuck if people don’t like me.

I completely hear you. I am approaching 40 and can honestly say since 18 I have consumed wine most nights. Apart from pregnancies which I didn’t ever touch a drop.
Lately I’ve noticed I just simply can’t deal with the after effects, and it ruins my sleep.
I have started only having some wine on a Saturday and even then it’s nowhere near what I would have before, half a bottle and I’m either tiddly or asleep!

I'm the same age as you OP, with the same history. Although I don't struggle with moderation these days.

What works for me is buying one of those individual 185ml or 250ml bottles of wine on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday only. I dont care if it works out more expensive than buying a whole bottle.

Then on the other nights of the week, I create that same "switching off" feeling by having a herbal tea and lighting a scented candle.

Hi OP, just to say my advice would be to just cut out alcohol altogether.

That's what I did when I found it taking up headspace for me. I'm a few years on now and I feel like it was a good decision. One less thing to worry about!

I am not suggesting you have have a drinking problem or are an alcoholic. My advice is more about the nature of alcohol than anything else. It creates a need for itself. So the buzz one day makes you feel a bit more crap the next day which makes you want the buzz. That's why moderating alcohol (even when not drinking loads) is notoriously difficult.

If you do decide to cut it out, I don't think you'd regret it. I certainly don't. I don't miss it and am glad I don't have to worry about it anymore. Sometimes cutting down/moderation just takes up more headspace and it can be easier just to cut it out.